To hate weekends?!

[Fatted]

Every week I always look forward to the weekend. But when it arrives I'm absolutely bloody miserable and I'm already counting down to Monday.

DH and I both work full time. Me Mon-Fri, him Tues-Sat. So on Saturday I'm always on my own with the kids. They are 6 and 4 and I don't know if I have especially high needs kids, but from the moment I wake up they won't leave me alone. They always need help with some, always asking for something. Eldest is being assessed for ADHD at the moment. He is incapable of sitting still or being quiet. I have had to set a timer and tell the boys they can't speak to me for 20 minutes until the timer goes just so I can sit down and drink a cup of tea in peace. DS1 is trying to climb on a chair to get biscuits as I write this.

I'm sick of my entire weekend being a treadmill of eat and tidy up repeatedly, along with house work, shopping, home work, reading and ironing school uniforms. Getting out and doing the shopping with the two of them on my own is so stressful on a Saturday. I have to go today because we need food to eat and DS2 needs a new school bag anyway.

I wish I could describe how hard it feels with them. They just complain about everything. They are never happy to go out on a weekend, even if it is something fun they have asked to do!!

Tomorrow DH and I are having the afternoon off and DC are going to SIL. Even then, it just feels like I have to rush to get everything done in even less time because I don't have the afternoon now. Already I feel like I can't relax and enjoy my weekend.

Even when DH is home on Sundays, it's no different. He is like DS1 in a lot of ways. The kids also mither me more for things than DH.

I just want one weekend where I can actually sit down and relax. Without worrying about the next job on my list. I miss when weekends were fun and we did fun things together.

It's tough. I have two DS 6 and 4 who are both autistic and not able to use the toilet. Between working PT, my DH running his own business and looking after the kids, I am frazzled. I am yearning for half an hour on my own! Working as a teacher doesn't help as, although I love my job, it's full on all day. Holding out for my youngest to start school so I can have a little bit of time to regroup.

So I feel your pain OP!

OP I feel your pain. It is hard. We have 3 boys and they often fight/ multiple tantrums etc when they are home. It is ALWAYS better when we get out of the house. So on weekends when I’m on my own with them I try to get them out as early as possible- often will tempt them into the car with a nice snack breakfast they can eat on the way (pastry/croissant/brioche/ Tupperware of fruit and cheese etc etc) then go to park: woods/ city farm/ meet a friend with kids / swimming etc etc. then home for youngest one to nap (this doesn’t apply to you) then afternoon either out again for similar or activities at home. Always good to have some crafts/ board games etc up your sleeve. Second what a previous poster said about giving them your full focused attention for a bit upfront before they moan- 20 mins of really generous full on playing etc from you once in the morning and once in the afternoon usually means they are way better at entertaining themselves after. After I have played with them I tell them it’s kids playtime and they have to amuse themselves. Some days it works better than others. Sometimes I find that the last thing in the world I want to do is play: craft/ bake etc so I kind of hide from them and they play up more but if they get my full attention for a bit upfront they are much more settled. Also mine like to just go on the train/ bus etc and go to town for a snack or look around- the journey makes it feel more like an event.

It is hard though and takes energy which after a long week at work is often hard to summon. Good luck xx

And definitely get shopping delivered and same with stuff like school bags etc. and make sure your DH takes them on Sunday’s so you get some time to yourself

Why do people come on here just to say "that's what being a parent is like, get a grip." ?

The OP knows that. She has posted because she is wondering why she is finding parenting + full-time working so hard and wondering if anyone has any kind advice.

So if you don't have any kind advice, why post?

Erm . . . OP, my "kind advice" is to ignore the aforementioned posts.

My kids are the same age. Dh works some weekends. They do a 1.5 hour drama class Saturday morning., unaccompanied.

Your kids are probably bored if they are stuck indoors all weekend or at the shops .
Do you take them out to child friendly places ? Activities etc ?
As you work all week - it’s best to make the most of the weekends . Don’t waste them on housework and food shopping .
They would probably be better behaved if they had something more Constructive to do .

@Hannahmates I completely agree. I don’t have children and would have loved them. I empathise with how hard it must be but get quite fed up when people are unhappy with no longer having the life they had pre children. Unfortunately life changes when you make a huge decision to have children. It’s hard but it’s life.

Friday night is my new mini-clean night so it’s lovely for the weekend.

Do jobs throughout the week so it doesn’t build up.

Make time for treats for yourself over the weekend.

I think you’re expectations might just be too high. We drive each other nuts if we’re not occupied for some of the day. If we had two days of being cooped up over the weekend, we’re bound to start sniping and rowing. Our sort of routine tends to be:

Sat Am: nice breakfast like pain au chocolate or pancakes. organised activities then an easy lunch like sandwiches or pizza.
Sat Pm: chill out with some tv or a film. Maybe later pop out to the park or the garden centre etc and then a nice family dinner. In summer this would be a bbq.

Sunday - Am- activity or outing. Pm playing at home and again chilling out. We always do a roast during winter and try and get a walk/bike ride in, especially during the summer.

Basically we need structure, activities and take time over meals and food.

Hopefully you’ll feel better in the summer when it’s easier to get out and about. I always find winter much harder. In summer, the children just seem to entertain themselves much better. Mine can potter outside for hours without me but inside seems to just want to play role play for hours.

We both work full time plus multiple hours on top from home, travel internationally, have multiple animals and children plus our own hobbies (he plays squash and I ride)

It is hard work but you can make it easier on yourself. My shopping delivery pass is £6.99 a month, we both have access to the online basket and add things as we need it, delivery comes once a week and it saves us at least 2 hours.

I prep all my veg at the weekend and pop into Tupperware pots so we can grab it in the week, saves so much faff.

We set a 15 minute timer every evening and everyone has a dash round the house, picking up clothes, packing washing away, taking bins out etc.

I hoover once a week, sure it gets messy but the kitchen and bathrooms are always clean- the mess on the floors from life as a busy family is not going to kill anyone.

Take the pressure off yourselves, write lists of jobs- even the 4 year old can pick up laundry, teach the value of team work.

And breath :)

Well....yeah! You aren't allowed to leave kids alone unless it's with another adult. If you don't have another adult, to leave them with, then.....
Surely everyone knows this before they have kids confused

Deliberately obtuse

weekend fun ideas

Indoor activities

ADHD Strategies

Those are great, thanks Yehdivvy.

Mine are younger, 2 and 4, and I’m a sahm, although fortunately my DH doesn’t work weekends, so a different situation, but I do get it. Kids can be so draining and never having a moment to yourself is not good for you.

I think you need to take some time every weekend to yourself. Your DH gets a Monday to himself, so I’d suggest every Sunday morning he takes the kids out for a few hours and you have some peace. Or you go out and leave them at home.

Also something structured on a Saturday morning. I much prefer taking my eldest to football class than sitting at home with him. I get to drink coffee in peace for 45 min and he burns off some energy. You could do that, then go for a walk/park/soft play/lunch somewhere and then the afternoon Just hang out at home. Maybe they watch some tv and you can do some cleaning.

Or try and organize some play dates with their friends? That also helps keep them occupied.

I am back again for anyone who is interested BTW. I was thinking about this post. I was in a bad mood on the weekend with everything else going on. For full disclosure, my little sister is dying of cancer. Between working and having the kids on my own on a Saturday makes it difficult to get to see her. DC don't know the full extent of what's going on and it's not fair to drag them off to hospital on Saturday afternoons. And that in itself is pretty shit......

I will say thank you to people who have offered me practical suggestions, especially with DC who have learning difficulties. Also thank you for practical suggestions. We have abandoned ironing school uniforms and frankly they are no worse than when DH did them.

Final thing, we have now told the DC about their aunty which has lifted a weight from my mind too. And helps them understand why mum needs five minutes alone sometimes. They get it now. Shame some adults on here didn't. Bye!

It sounds like you’ve made some point positive changes. Sorry to hear about your sister.

You might be better posting on the SN boards where people are much more understanding and realistic about what having a child with adhd is like. FWIW I don’t think you’re cold or a bad mum for wanting some time to yourself.

OP you didnt talk about 5 minutes , you posted about wanting childfree weekends to relax, read etc.
Absolutely nothing wrong with needing time for yourself at all, its essential !

Only you can make that happen though and
Your last message is a bit petulant and childish tbh.
If you had posted your sad situation initially I think the replies might have been different and I would urge you to be kind to yourself and consider counselling to help you get through this difficult time.
Glad to hear you have ditched the ironing

I get it OP .