To hate weekends?!

[Fatted]

Every week I always look forward to the weekend. But when it arrives I'm absolutely bloody miserable and I'm already counting down to Monday.

DH and I both work full time. Me Mon-Fri, him Tues-Sat. So on Saturday I'm always on my own with the kids. They are 6 and 4 and I don't know if I have especially high needs kids, but from the moment I wake up they won't leave me alone. They always need help with some, always asking for something. Eldest is being assessed for ADHD at the moment. He is incapable of sitting still or being quiet. I have had to set a timer and tell the boys they can't speak to me for 20 minutes until the timer goes just so I can sit down and drink a cup of tea in peace. DS1 is trying to climb on a chair to get biscuits as I write this.

I'm sick of my entire weekend being a treadmill of eat and tidy up repeatedly, along with house work, shopping, home work, reading and ironing school uniforms. Getting out and doing the shopping with the two of them on my own is so stressful on a Saturday. I have to go today because we need food to eat and DS2 needs a new school bag anyway.

I wish I could describe how hard it feels with them. They just complain about everything. They are never happy to go out on a weekend, even if it is something fun they have asked to do!!

Tomorrow DH and I are having the afternoon off and DC are going to SIL. Even then, it just feels like I have to rush to get everything done in even less time because I don't have the afternoon now. Already I feel like I can't relax and enjoy my weekend.

Even when DH is home on Sundays, it's no different. He is like DS1 in a lot of ways. The kids also mither me more for things than DH.

I just want one weekend where I can actually sit down and relax. Without worrying about the next job on my list. I miss when weekends were fun and we did fun things together.

[TooStressyTooMessy]

I wholeheartedly agree with PPs.

1. Structured activity for as long as possible one weekend morning. Ideally one you can sit with a coffee where they get on with it.
   
2. Online shopping
   

I’m afraid that my kids are older and still the idea that weekends are for relaxing is completely unrealistic. I would never expect to sit and get a rest at weekends unless I had particularly low energy kids and you’ve said yours are high energy. I would find it soul destroying to hope for a relaxing weekend and be disappointed every time.

I’m assuming finances won’t allow but some time to yourself in the week would be a game changer.

[Xenia]

Start with your husband having the children all day Sunday alone as you have that on Saturday. You then have 12 hours free on Sundays.

Then hire a sixth former to come over for 4 hours on a Saturday morning so you get a bit of peace.

[Chamomileteaplease]

To add to the definitely essential requirement of online supermarket shopping, may I add online normal shopping. Your child needs a new school bag - order it online. Sorted in 10 minutes rather than the hell that is shopping at the weekend with bored small children.

I hate to mention the evil Amazon but it does help to avoid shopping for those of us who hate it.

[Greenwingmemories]

Would your DH take them out, say one Sunday morning in three to give you a break? It sounds like you're really struggling with a terminally ill sibling as well it's a lot to deal with.

I second the activities on Saturday morning. If they've been running around, they're less likely to want to come home and wreck the place.

[user1471441839]

The op hasn't said she hates been around her own kids. She's asking for suggestions to make the weekend easier. I totally get this , I love my children but there are times when it is hard work and there is no reason to feel guilty. To the poster who said many parents hate been around their children , I will argue that this isn't the case at all. I have lots of years of parenting experiance and an extensive network of parent friends and colleagues who on some days find it bloody hard work and just like with any other job / role look for ways to make it easier

[blue25]

Kids with ADHD (or suspected ADHD) need structure and positive activities to use some energy.

Agree with taking them to sports activities Saturday morning. Being in the house a lot will be difficult for them without structured activities.

[P1nkHeartLovesCake]

Online shopping or your DH does a food shop on the Monday on his day off.

Also sounds like you need to structure your weekends. Have activities planned even if it’s painting, colouring in the morning, lunch ( they could help you make lunch ie omelette etc) then in the afternoon it’s going out for a walk, to the park if it’s dry, baking, playing a board game, film etc

In the evenings start to calm things down about 5pm dinner, bath, story, bed.

Really a lot of what you’ve put here in your op is just being a parent, when they are young it’s just how it is

[Coffeeisnecessary]

I'm totally with you op and feel exactly the same. Always made worse by hearing about other people's amazing weekends! I hate the lack of structure and the resistance to going out anywhere and the homework and children who can't do a thing for themselves despite my obviously not good efforts! No solutions just here for solidarity.

[Wheresthesandman]

Start with your husband having the children all day Sunday alone as you have that on Saturday. You then have 12 hours free on Sundays.

So when are they supposed to spend time together as a family? The OP and her husband would barely see each other and the children are being given the impression that it is Daddy’s ‘turn’ to have them on a Sunday because mummy ‘had’ to do Saturday.

Apologies if you’ve answered this and I’ve missed it, but I assume there’s no way your husband could also work Mon-Fri?

[ChristinaW16]

You sound a bit glassy half tempts to be honest. You have a whole afternoon together while your sister-in-law has the kids tomorrow. That's a lovely treat! Saying it just means you have even more chores today as a consequence just seems a bit negative. Sorry. Everyone has dishes to clean after every meal and housework etc - that is just life!

[ChristinaW16]

*glass half empty

[VisionQuest]

I have a very lively five year old.

What works well for us is either, spending the morning at home, bit of tv/play/reading/craft etc then out in the afternoon for an activity which is either, swimming, park, meet with friends/family. Or vice versa, out in the morning, home in the afternoon.

If he's had the chance to expend some energy then he is a lot more manageable at home and we can all have some down time.

If we try to spend all day at home, it rarely ends well!

[Orangeblossom78]

OP I have two quite active boys (who are teens now and tend to mooch around) but when they were that age we enrolled them in this lovely Farm club (at local City farm) on Saturday mornings- they helped feed the animals, collect eggs and play, make fires etc with a play leader.

it was great and really helped the weekends. DH would drop them then go for a run, I would relax and sometimes oder the online shop to arrive then or go for a swim.

Then i would not feel guilty if they watched TV or whatever the rest of the afternoon. They grumbled to start with but soon grew to like it and now remember it as a nice thing, they didn;t want to stop going in the end!

Something like that, or swimming / soft play might suit yours with ADHD. If not play leader led, could take turns you and DH.

Then we'd go a family walk or something on the Sunday.

[VisionQuest]

Also I should add, that some weekends (today for example) he has gone swimming with his Dad so I can get on with some work (not going too well as currently on MN!)

Suggest to your husband that one weekend a month, you will take the kids out on Saturday and he takes them out on Sunday.

Presumably your children are at school so your husband gets a day to himself on a Monday? So it's only fair you should get the same.

[ArabellaDoreenFig]

I have 2 kids OP they are 6 and 9 and the 9 yr old has ASD and ADHD and DH works away in the week (and used to be away for much longer periods) so I am well placed to understand what it’s like - it is hard work no one can deny that!

You need to decide what your priorities are here because your family life does sound chaotic - and you can change it if you wish but you need to assess things and make some decisions.

Are you getting all the financial help you can (DLA/Carers etc) this could enable you to cut back on hours at work.

Are you accessing local support services ? You may find some good events/groups for children with ADHD

Have you come across ‘123 Magic’ ? (If not ask local support service to sign you up to a course - it is invaluable for parents of ADHD and will help create a calmer less chaotic home life)

You need to learn the art of not sweating the small stuff and making life easier for yourself- school uniforms can be tumble dried and no need to iron then. Shop online (including food).

If you can afford it hire a cleaner - coming home to a clean house (even if it’s only once a week) is a balm for the soul!

Have a look at the mumsnet SEN board it is very good.

[Jomarchsburntskirt]

You’ve described perfectly the draining reality of being a parent. Don’t believe all that ‘living our best lives’ shite that you read on social media. To be honest it sounds like you’re doing a great job and you sound really well organised. Keep your chin up 💐

[NiceGuyNeddie]

Sorry you aren't happy but it is the way with kids. Your kids are very young and probably miss you when they are in childcare during the week

Agree with that. It's sad about the timer, sounds so cold somehow.

[sicasaparrot]

Think you are just whinging. Your life is normal.

[GreenTulips]

I’d suggest DH takes the kids Sunday afternoon to the park or ballpark or zoo or visit relatives. This gives you something to look forward to. You can do something for you! Why can’t he take the kids shopping tomorrow?

That’s the way forward.

[Geraniumblue]

Something sporty on a Saturday morning might help. You could drop some of the essential washing off to get a service wash done at the launderette or get a better tumble dryer. Pin point the things that will help the most. Zoo membership or running around on a beach or something out of the house, so it creates less clearing up work.

[Beautiful3]

This is just normal. Kids can feel quite draining with shouts of, " mummy" every 5 minutes. I've learned to redirect every other call to, "ask your dad". Give them things to do, e.g. help wash up, tidy up, put away, brush the dog, water the plants, make a cake/sandwich, draw me a picture of x etc all these things buy you a few minutes of silence.

[DelphiniumBlue]

I have 3 boys now grown up. DH used to work shifts, including weekends, so I was often by myself with them, trying to keep them quiet if he was sleeping, and get housework done.
What helped.... A really big bed with tv in my bedroom, so I could doze/ read while they watched children's tv. Sometimes I watched it too.
Saturday m morning classes.. Some last 3 hours. Is that worth getting up early for at the weekend? Only you can decide that.
Always .. park/ walk in the woods, or swimming, both days. Preferably with friends or family, but just us if no one else was about.
Art activities.... doing a communal picture on a roll of wallpaper, not very messy, and you can join in with mindful doodling/ colouring if it takes your fancy. Doing it with them meant they kept at it for longer.
Getting them to help with chores, food prep and so on, means they are not hanging round being bored w aiting for you.
Inviting their friends over.. they can entertain each other.
Walking rather than driving where possible- takes longer, and makes them more tired.
Reading to them.. early supper, long bath and long story session means they are occupied and on a wind down from about 5pm.
And avoid shopping with them.
Don't expect to get time to yourself until bedtime, then any few minutes will be a bonus.

[Bluerussian]

I used to hate weekends at one time, much preferred being at work so I understand how you feel. When I woke up on Saturdays I often felt like crying. Long time ago.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Your DH needs to take them out/ you need to go out every other Sunday. You're not getting any time alone to just be.

I'm sorry about your sibling. That's adding extra stress and grief and you need extra time and support to deal with it without losing the plot.

[LEELULUMPKIN]

I hate most weekends too OP. I only have the one but he is almost 15 with severe learning difficulties, cannot talk, feed, dress himself and is doubly incontinent, so still in pads.

I worry every single day how we will cope when he leaves school.

I get SOOO jealous of folk with "normal" kids (whatever normal is) as at least hopefully they will be one day able to fly the nest.

We try and do things on a weekend and it just magnifies how different our lives are.