To hate weekends?!

[Fatted]

Every week I always look forward to the weekend. But when it arrives I'm absolutely bloody miserable and I'm already counting down to Monday.

DH and I both work full time. Me Mon-Fri, him Tues-Sat. So on Saturday I'm always on my own with the kids. They are 6 and 4 and I don't know if I have especially high needs kids, but from the moment I wake up they won't leave me alone. They always need help with some, always asking for something. Eldest is being assessed for ADHD at the moment. He is incapable of sitting still or being quiet. I have had to set a timer and tell the boys they can't speak to me for 20 minutes until the timer goes just so I can sit down and drink a cup of tea in peace. DS1 is trying to climb on a chair to get biscuits as I write this.

I'm sick of my entire weekend being a treadmill of eat and tidy up repeatedly, along with house work, shopping, home work, reading and ironing school uniforms. Getting out and doing the shopping with the two of them on my own is so stressful on a Saturday. I have to go today because we need food to eat and DS2 needs a new school bag anyway.

I wish I could describe how hard it feels with them. They just complain about everything. They are never happy to go out on a weekend, even if it is something fun they have asked to do!!

Tomorrow DH and I are having the afternoon off and DC are going to SIL. Even then, it just feels like I have to rush to get everything done in even less time because I don't have the afternoon now. Already I feel like I can't relax and enjoy my weekend.

Even when DH is home on Sundays, it's no different. He is like DS1 in a lot of ways. The kids also mither me more for things than DH.

I just want one weekend where I can actually sit down and relax. Without worrying about the next job on my list. I miss when weekends were fun and we did fun things together.

As someone said sign them up to an activity - if finances permit.

At that age mine did perform for two hours on a Saturday. They loved
it, it was very active and enough time to go and get shopping while they were there.

If you don't have dishwasher the next best thing is cooking everything in a single pot eg slow cooker stew with a jacket potato then you only need to wash up the pot, the plates, cutlery and glasses.

Up and out to a club and the park Saturday morning, followed by a lunch in a cafe and then home for a movie.

I allow myself a time limit for ironing. If you say, right Im doing this lot in 45 minutes, you usually can.

School uniform doesn't shrink in the tumble dryer unless there is something wrong with the tumble dryer.

Sunday morning becomes Dad's morning to take the kids to soft play. You get time to yourself. Come and meet them at lunchtime and all go for a carvery - means you all get a 'proper' meal with veg included, no waiting for it to arrive while kids act up, and no washing up either. Start with that. And grit your teeth to get through Saturdays. This too shall pass.

It does sound normal pretty much. My dc are older now but both have adhd and I am a single parent. What worked for us was definitely getting up and out to an activity or soft play type thing or outdoor park even if we couldn’t stay long due to their behaviour.

If you absolutely have to go shopping, just do a smash and grab.

Are you sure the uniforms need ironing? Twenty years ago I ironed everything, these days very rarely as many materials don’t need it eg the polo shirts and sweat shirts. Also do you need to do so much washing? I check everything to see if it can last an extra day.

Go out with or visit friends or family over the weekend to retain a sense of normality.

Agree with a timed activity eg swimming lessons. Mine used to go at 8.30 am which is early but better than getting up to mischief in the house. It was always worth the effort.

what a fantastic job your doing op. I have two the same age and they are bloody hard work. it's different for me as I have time off through the week and I'm at work on a weekend mainly Friday through to sat until 1pm so I have time to myself to recharge batteries etc through the week , but my partner works long hours and then doesn't get a break from the kids ever. he struggles.
As others have suggested online shopping, I don't take my two into a supermarket unless I'm desperate. We also send one of ours to a drama place on a Saturday, so he's there for three hours whilst partner walks dog with the other one which makes life easier.
Also not sure how you feel about iPads ect but them playing on them for an hour or two will give you a bit of time to yourself. if we've being put for a few hours I don't mind them relaxing on them.
sundays go swimming or for walks to the park ect then afternoon tell them they have to play in their bedrooms for an hour or so whilst you relax/ get things done in peace.
Also take turns on a Sunday on who can have a sleep in. Me and partner used to do this. one of us would get a sleep in till 9 alternative weekends.

It is difficult. Mine are slightly younger than yours, and the eldest is tricky to parent (probable ASD). DP usually out from 12-6 on saturdays playing football (I know this is not as bad as all day); although not all year. I work a compressed week so have a day at home with youngest in week and he does 4 days a week.

We try to aim for a balance of: 1. Individual time (usually sports or exercise) 2. Family time (this is usually an outing) 3. Activities for the kids. It is especially hard at this time of year when it's dark and grim.

So DP has them sat morning while I exercise and allotment, I have them in the afternoon. Sunday we usually go out somewhere together. Sat afternoon I take them trampolining and to a craft session at the library.

We've found the trick to it not seeming like groundhog day is to plan different stuff in at the weekends and also plan stuff with friends individually in the evening after bedtime. This also includes weekdays, you don't both need to be locked into the misery of bedtime. On Mondays can you do something for yourself after work?

Or we both have individual weekends with friends coming up.

Oh also we have a cleaner and never iron. We are not that fussy about the house although Dp is uber tidy which helps.

Homework at primary and ironing are optional though .

I don’t iron. Like other PPs I do an easy lunch out every Saturday. Terrible for finances. Amazing for saving my sanity.

Since you are both working a lot, cold you afford a cleaner a few hours a week? I work p/t and always think I would need a cleaner if I worked f/t.
Great idea re clubs for the kids, lots of those are sat / sun AM which would exercise them and give you a little break. Mine both used to do gymnastics Sun AM. See your local sports centre. I never iron school uniform. Get the stuff out the dryer as soon as it's dry, hang up immediately and it really doesn't need ironing. I care what my DS's look like at school - I really don't think you can tell!! Finally, do not feel bad for wanting time away from them. Everyone feels like that, maybe some pretend otherwise.

What exactly do you you need 'help' for? No-one ever took either of my boys for an afternoon, and they're teens now. We never ever had a 'weekend without them' ever, and I suspect that's not unusual.
From 5 or 6 years we go at them into football, although any sport would be good. Structured activity and exercise (led by someone else) and a focus for the day. It's been great watching them train and play over the years and definitely took the pressure off being sole entertainer 24/7 of a weekend.

As well as all the other suggestions I would also try and slot in a couple hours of "daddy time" out of the house on a Sunday so you get a break. Get him to take them to soft play or the park.

Oh yes definitely don't iron school uniform! Homework I ask once, if it's not done then (yr1), fine. Primary homework, bar reading, is not important and I think often geared for people who don't work.

I do think you are a bit unrealistic eg When you say you haven’t had a weekend free from them since Boxing Day. Who has that?

I have a similar situation so I do the following:

• laundry put on a delayed wash for Sat 7am.
• on line shopping delivered Thurs/Fri night
• activity or library visit Sat morning
• put a slow cooker meal on in the morning like casserole, curry or a chilli
• afternoon we watch a film while I do the ironing

Print off a visual timetable of simple chores for your kids to do.

Hi OP I can totally relate and think you've had some good advice around online shopping and bringing some strucutre to weekends.

I found 4 years old a particularly challenging age. I've not had a 6 year old yet but can imagine it brings it's own challenges!

My solution has been to do something out of the house every day. So today was library and soft play. I've avoided regular weekly classes as they bring their own demands that I think add to the stress.

I'm a single parent so cant do this, but if I were you I'd use 30 minutes on a sunday to go for a walk/jog to get some fresh air and headspace. Headphones on, nice music or podcast and just take in the environment.

The neediness is hard. The best thing to do is to a) anticipate problems or whinges and provide solutions in advance and b) try to make it enjoyable for you too. So if that means bringing a bag full of snacks and drinks, coffee in a travel mug for you and a book so you can actually enjoy the park and nobody cries, along with spare trousers for when the one who always falls in a puddle does just that, then that’s what it takes. Admitting that every single trip into town to do a small errand WILL involve a stop for a sausage roll and just budgeting/planning accordingly. Double, triple, quadruple checking everyone has had wees before you go out and has gloves and waterproof boots.

In the Phillipa Perry book she talks about the stuff that you resist but will end up doing anyway, so it’s easier to just do it in the first place. For example, they want your attention playing on the slide and you’re tired and don’t want to and try to get them to play alone and then after five minutes getting annoyed you have to go and watch anyway. She says, if you’d just put in the 30 seconds of focused attention in the first place you’d have got your time on your own afterwards. I’m not sure it’s magic but it did make me think there’s a solid idea behind that.

Yes it is difficult. DH works some Saturdays and it was very hard when dc were young.

Do you have to iron the uniform? Could it be hung up.

I never really ironed my dcs uniform. Possibly secondary school trousers.

Dcs are very wearing and my ds was more physical so I understand.

Just do what you can OP

disagree with @Hannahmates that this is the inevitable lot of a parent

as other posters have said, i) online shopping (no trawling round shops with x2 kids), ii) sign them up for tiring activities on Sat morning, iii) don't hoover / clean Saturday, iv) don't both ironing uniforms, v) have DH deal with kids for a bit on Sunday morning while you have a long bath / cup of tea / read a magazine etc. Then do your family stuff together

I know how you feel. If we don't have something planned my dh is glued to his phone and my dd spends most time in her room doing homework.
I think I may as well be single

Your DH needs to take them out/ you need to go out every other Sunday. You're not getting any time alone to just be

I disagree, your kids are at school and you both work full time so they want to be with you at weekends. That's why they seem 'needy' as they probably just want to do fun things with their parents.

Yes, the washing, shopping, etc. still needs doing but surely some weekends you could do other things? Definitely on Sundays when you're both off?

Thank you for posting and your suggestions. I probably am just moaning and being glass half empty at the moment. Thank you for everyone who has made suggestions. DH cannot change his days and it's not really financially viable for me to drop days. I am actually worse off working full time by the time childcare is factored in, but moved to be home in the evenings.

I am finding things hard at the moment with what is going on with my family. That is putting more pressure on I guess. We used to go to my parents most Saturday afternoons which was a bit of company and support for me. They're obviously elsewhere on Saturdays now so haven't been there for a while. I miss having that option. We need to find a replacement for that really.

The boys are currently parked in front of the telly. Smushing play doh into the rug. We didn't go to Asda. I'll leave it until tonight when DH gets home. School uniform is in the tumble dryer as we speak.

I have to set timers for everything, because DS1 needs it for routine, whoever said about the timer being cold. He has it for brushing teeth, getting dressed and eating meals. Such is life.

Online shop to arrive Friday pm, put away and mealplan on fridge for the week.
Laundry done Fri pm, tumble put away.
Fuck ironing
Whizz round with hoover, empty school bags etc.
Your Saturday is now "free"
Nice breakfast of danish/pain au chocolat and then out to the park, coffee for you etc
Lunch out and then home and tv / quiet time.
Easy dinner -pizza etc
Sunday am hand over to DH and you go out for 2 hours on your own.
Agree its a nice idea to meet for Sunday lunch and then something on toast for DC dinner and nice cheese, crackers ,deli stuff and a glass of wine once they are in bed for you and DH.

I will confess I dont get the not a weekend child free since Boxing Day
I cant remember any child free weekends at all !
Oh and if they whined I said I cant understand you, ask nicely.

It is hard when dc are young and you are on your own with them, albeit for one day. We set up a business when our dc were little so most weekends dh was out working so I do know how tiring it is.

As others have said there are some things you can do to make life easier for all.

These are the ones that worked for me-

1. Organise an activity for them to do, like football, swimming etc. Swimming was my favourite as it is an essential skill and I could sit with my book and coffee in the warm whilst they had fun.
2. Set up a simple chores rota, maybe get them to strip the beds and tidy their toys up. It will be hard work to start with but so worth the effort. My dd is 13 now and does all the beds, strips them, does the washing and remakes them so I no longer have to touch them!
3. Do some baking with them. They will enjoy doing it with you and whilst they are cooking the dc will be happy to play and you get a coffee in peace. Then over time get them involved in cooking the evening meal with you. I have always done this with them as found it made them happy to be with me and had to be done. Again it pays off in the long run as by the time they are teenagers they will be able to cook without supervision giving you more time to relax!
4. Watch a film with them whilst you do the ironing.

This tiring phase will pass and before you know it they will be in their teens, stuck on their phones in their rooms and will never want to be with you 😁😁

OP if they smushing play doh into the rug it gets locked away.
Likewise pens, paint, glue etc.
If they cant play properly they cant have it 🤷‍♂️