To think you don’t call your wife’s sister ‘sexy’?

[InnappropriateConversation]

Came across a Facebook message DH had sent to my 10 years younger, and very attractive, sister. She had asked him a totally innocent question and he had responded starting with ‘hey, my sexy sister in law’. Then sent another message straight afterwards saying that he had forgotten to add a kiss.

I am quite pissed off about it (I don’t think he expected me to see the message but he had his messenger page open) whereas he has minimised it as ‘banter’. TBH if he’d referred to a female friend like that I’d have been less upset than I am about him referring to my own sister like that. She is a younger, slimmer version of me and I know he fancies her.

AIBU to think he’s crossed a line?

I’d be pissed off with my DH if he’d referred to my sister as ‘sexy’ and I’d let him know about it, too. But to end the relationship over it if all else seems ok in the marriage and to break up a family? That would be a huge over reaction. And it’s easy for other posters to declare that they would LTB over this but I doubt whether even a fraction would actually do so in reality.

He sounds like a creep. (imagining if my BIL said that to me cringe) 😣

Gross

But to end the relationship over it if all else seems ok in the marriage and to break up a family? That would be a huge over reaction. And it’s easy for other posters to declare that they would LTB over this but I doubt whether even a fraction would actually do so in reality

But isn’t a happy relationship is it??
I would end a relationship over this. A bloke who prefers another woman, sends her creepy messages and makes vile about her body? Yep, i’d leave.

But to end the relationship over it if all else seems ok in the marriage and to break up a family?

Exactly. A ridiculous over reaction.

Don't let him minimise this OP.

* A bloke who prefers another woman, sends her creepy messages and makes vile about her body? *

How have you concluded that the DH prefers the sister ? And how/where has he made ‘vile’ about her body?

I'd be furious and heartbroken. What an absolute arsehole.

I bet your Dsis thinks he is a creep. Yanbu.

Ugh. He sounds generally very disrespectful. Does he letch at other women? Based on the fact that he points out the weight difference between the two of you I wouldn't be surprised if he undermines your confidence in other ways to. He himself sounds deeply unsexy.

Just yuck!!!! This behaviour would give me the ick

I dont have a sister but dh has a brother and if I got a message like that I'd be like wtf.Hes blatantly trying to flirt,I'd show dh the message.

This would spell the beginning of the end for me. Sorry, but he’s a creep.

He definitely should not have done that, it's totally inappropriate. I'm not saying he meant anything untoward by it but it is wrong and he should be made to realise that. The days of men making even mild sexual innuendoes to woman are over. I imagine your sister felt uncomfortable about it.

After the story about the hour’s drive they voluntarily did together on a boring errand, I do wonder if something has happened between them which is why she’s telling him he’s crazy (to be trying to rekindle it). Might you remember now it because your gut is telling you something was off about it?

That’s grim. Totally disrespectful, gross and grim. He is testing the waters. It would be the beginning of the end for me

And how/where has he made ‘vile’ about her body?

I think the poster was referring to the comments OP made about her DH mentioning the baby weight she hasn't yet shifted.

That’s what I thought she was referring to, Multicoloured. Him mentioning his SIL’s weight loss would irritate the hell out of me, too. But it’s simply an exaggeration to describe it as him making ‘vile (comments) about her body’. Again, I stress that the DP has been completely disrespectful to the OP in his message to his SIL. However I just think that so much has been embellished from the little information that the OP has given. It is reflective of a binary approach which is not unusual on MN.

Depends on the situation IMO, but not looking good. My partner manhugs his best mate and says 'evening, you sexy beast' and I don't bat an eyelid, but maybe not the same.

It is harsh though if they're making reference to you getting fat.

But all the OP referred to was the fact that he’d commented that the SIL had lost the weight. She didn’t say he’d complained about the OP not losing the weight.

Funny how much in the minority you are @PhoneLock.

What's that telling you?

The thing is it's not just about one message is it op? There's clearly a back story of him responding inappropriately to your sister. If you like men like that fine but personally I could not stand that situation and it would affect the other aspects of the marriage for me.

Well it’s a bit yuk but not a huge deal imo

It's stupid. Can't he say anything more intelligent?