To think you don’t call your wife’s sister ‘sexy’?

[InnappropriateConversation]

Came across a Facebook message DH had sent to my 10 years younger, and very attractive, sister. She had asked him a totally innocent question and he had responded starting with ‘hey, my sexy sister in law’. Then sent another message straight afterwards saying that he had forgotten to add a kiss.

I am quite pissed off about it (I don’t think he expected me to see the message but he had his messenger page open) whereas he has minimised it as ‘banter’. TBH if he’d referred to a female friend like that I’d have been less upset than I am about him referring to my own sister like that. She is a younger, slimmer version of me and I know he fancies her.

AIBU to think he’s crossed a line?

Sorry op but this would be unforgivable to me. It’s not just a message but massively crossing a line, obviously trying to start something with your own sister of all people: YANBU

I would be FURIOUS. Also in my head, my sister (9 years younger) is still a child so it's even more inappropriate (and like you, he's known her since she was 12).

I've just gone through all my siblings, in-laws and friends to think whether I can imagine any of them calling their SIL/BIL sexy and...nope!

We also don’t get on

Well that alone would be a good reason to divorce. And the criticism of your post baby body confirms the banter/arsehole theory.

I meant must sister and I don’t get on thatwouldbean. She is a bit of a spoilt brat golden child of the family and he had always agreed with me on that which is why him letting her know he thinks she’s sexy is a big kick in the face!

my not must sister.

This Is the first time I’ve seen 100% unanimous on YANBU!

I'm going to buck the trend. It wouldn't bother me at all.

This would end things for me. I couldnt stay with a man who would prefer a relative over me.
He has no respect for you.
What if you didnt live far apart?

If you fell out why is she messaging him?
You know he fancies her? Christ he’s revolting and clearly has no respect for you or boundaries to what’s appropriate.

I'd probably end a relationship over this

I think people say LTB far too often on here... but on this one I agree. On your fucking bike pal

I'm going to buck the trend. It wouldn't bother me at all.

OK, maybe the kiss bit would gross me out a bit.

Not a chance I'd stay with him, how disrespectful to you!!!

I wouldnt be ok with it- I would mind if it was my friend too!!!

You don't call anyone "sexy" it's creepy.
I'd be absolutely furious if my husband messaged my sister that, you need to address it and not allow him to 'minimise it'.
I'd also make sure he apologised to your sister.

What a creep, that would be a total dealbreaker for me, I would be mortified if someone married to one of my relatives referred to me as sexy, especially someone who saw me grow up, that is so gross. There is absolutely no reason for him to refer to your sister as sexy, even for banter (how is that even supposed to be funny?).

Whether or not you get along with your sister and she is actually prettier/sexier is irrelevant, in this she is as much a victim as you as she kind of have to keep the peace and don’t have the freedom of telling him off without stirring a scene potentially causing issues in your marriage.

This situation gives rise to one of two things.

1. Your sister isn't interested and your husband can be tackled for his lack of loyalty and told he's making a knobhead of himself.

1. You fear that your sister IS interested, in which case you have a problem with your husband AND your sister.

Which is more likely? I have to say that scenario number one would annoy the fuck out of me due to my husbands lack of loyalty but I wouldn't be concerned beyond that.

Mega urgh. I can't believe we now have 3% saying YABU. This is entirely wrong in so many ways and minimising it as 'only banter' is a classic 'challenge me on this and you turn into a harridan, so I know I'm safe' diversionary tactic on his part.

I'd be tempted to write 'banter' on a plate and then smash it over his head, with the same comment

This is horrific. I'm not one for LTB but honestly, LTB.

And not sure on your sister's reply either to be honest. I dont have a sister but if I did I'd hope she would at least tell him where to go and then tell me. "You're crazy xx" smacks of someone who is smug their older sister's husband fancies them.

I would definitely not like this either. He has crossed a line. This must be upsetting for you and your sister.

This also reminds me of a situation that occurred a good few years back just after I’d had DC2. My sister was early 20’s, single and without DC then and we lived in the same town. She offered to travel with DH to a baby store that was a good hours drive away to pick up something we’d ordered. This was unusual as she was not the type to do that.

When they returned hours later she told me that I was so lucky to have him which struck me as odd! We were never close and she rarely visited before or after that. We moved away a few years later and I’m not aware that anything untoward happened but message has got me thinking about it.

At the risk of being outed if she is on here, he actually called her his ‘HOT’ sister in law in the message rather than sexy. Same thing really but I think that sounds even worse!

Oh that's horrendous.

I'd genuinely want him to take major steps to fix this or our relationship would be at serious risk... but from what you've said, it's pretty normal for you to know he fancies your sister and she fancies him, so I don't think he really cares what anyone else thinks...

It's unpleasant, for you, and for her. I can't imagine any loving husband with any respect for his wife behaving like this... I hope he sees that and changes it very quickly.

What a vile pig! She was 12 when he met her.
I'd be suspicious about if anything did happen in the past after reading that she had a crush on him plus your recent update.
Even if they haven't I really would struggle to find any respect for him now.
I wouldn't say that to any of my Dh's family or friends and he wouldn't say it to my sisters or friends.
You're crazy! is NOT a response I'd give if any of my sisters other halves called me sexy or hot neither. Both arsehole and I'm telling my sister would be involved in my reply.

Yeah HOT is worse. At least "sexy sister in law" could have been some idiotic alliteration.

At the risk of being outed if she is on here, he actually called her his ‘HOT’ sister in law in the message rather than sexy. Same thing really but I think that sounds even worse!

Again, probably going against the grain here. I've been referred to as hot by a male relative (by marriage). MY DH was with me at the time. I took it as a compliment, as did my DH.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

VILE.

Please consider leaving this man @InnappropriateConversation

I still think the kiss thing is creepy though.