They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

I agree that it was unsafe.

Car seats were probably not a thing when they were raising their children and it can sometimes be hard for our parents to fully understand the safety issue as 'in their day' they would have probably crammed 7people in the back no problem.

I think sometimes parents can tend to take the car seat issue personally. It can come across as them thinking we are saying that they are willingly putting our kids in danger. That's when you get the 'oh but we drove extra carefully, we made sure we were safe'

In my experience I have found that the best way to approach this issue is by way of using these facts.

Fact 1: we know you love our child and would never do anything to harm them.

Fact 2: we know that you will take all precautions you deem necessary to ensure their safety

Fact 3: we know that when you are driving, there will also be other people driving.

Fact 4: we cannot guarantee that these other drivers will be safe and mindful of our child.

Fact 5: we cannot guarantee that these other drivers will not be speeding/drunk/or otherwise driving in a way that puts yourselves and our child in danger.

Fact 5: having our child in their car seat is not only the safest option for them but also for you. As they could get in the way of you being able to properly assess your surroundings.

I found this is the best way of explaining the issue without it coming across something personal.

I like to end my facts with, we completely trust you, it's the other drivers we don't know that are the issue.

Yeah mine did this too. It's a "their generation were fine doing it" thing. I remember the car my parents had with no seatbelts in the back - madness isn't it?!

I went berserk when they did it, and literally ordered carseats for their car, to stay in their car.

not an age thing - my parents are well on in their eighties and I was in a car seat as a kid. You just have really, really stupid inlaws who put your child in danger.

if they are sufficiently intelligent (doesn't sound it) you could try the laws of physics - you cannot hold on to a child in even a low speed crash and it WILL fly into or through the windscreen. The resulting injuries are not ones you would want it to survive even if it does. Same with the crush injuries if they tuck it into the seat belt, as per some of the stories on here.

there are 70 million people in the UK now as opposed to around 50 million when they had you, and the increase in traffic is commensurate so much more chance of a crash. Plus they are older and don't react as well.

Princess Diana made her own decision not to wear a belt. That was her lookout as an adult. Kids need the decision made for them, and cannot wear unadapted adult belts as it will crush their abdomen. Car seats or no drive

@mummykauli7

Car seats have been a thing since at least 1970. Those of us who had common sense used them, and were glad of them. You didn't have to use them by law, so people like this couple probably didn't. At the time they were more difficult to fit. The fixings had to be bolted to the chassis by a mechanic, and once in, the seats were fixed, you couldn't move them. We didn't have much money, but our children and their safety were a priority, so we used them. There is no excuse these days for not using car seats, and for not knowing the dangers of having an unrestrained child in the car.

From the Torbay council website: In a crash at just 30 mph, an unrestrained child would be thrown forward with a force 30 to 60 times their body weight. They would be thrown about inside the vehicle, injuring themselves and quite possibly seriously injuring (or even killing) other people inside the vehicle. They are also likely to be ejected from the car through one of the windows.

@Nanny0gg 👏👏

If anyone had put my children at risk, they would not have had unsupervised access. FULL STOP. Never mind that they argued that it wasn't an issue and implied that it was ME that was being unreasonable.

I’m with other posters saying no more unsupervised trips. At various stages I’ve had to take similar decisions.
My advice is not to talk about it, just do it. If you talk, it becomes an argument and you get worn down or people make promises and let you down again.
You don’t need to fall out or never see them again, but just be clear sighted about their short comings.

@Shev1996 it is NOT a generational thing.

I was the one that insisted on researching car seats before my dgs was born and bought the safest one for him.
We have never taken him out without a car seat and he's now 7.

Ow imagine being a mum of a child you have to share custody of and seeing this sort of thing on Facebook your precious child on someone’s lap in a car whilst visiting the other parent and being told there’s fuck all you can do about it and the olive not interested despite it being against the law. So frustrating

Haha 😂 get the police to have a word with them? Seriously?

Love MN

I'd never let them in the car again nor would dh.
A the 1sr time ILs took dd out they didn't loosen or tighten the straps over her shoulders because they forgot how and didn't think to ring me or dh..
Luckily they were tightish from. When I got her out.. Was. Prob a struggle to get her in but least she wasn't hanging out.
I noticed the 2nd time whne they put her in so I showed them.

If ever they took her with no seat that would be it. But luckily they know that

They can say what they like at the end of the day, it’s their own subjective views. Objectively though, they were breaking the law - if they were pulled over by the police what would they say? “Hello police officer. Don’t worry, we think it’s acceptable so you can go on your way”.
If they are so stuck in their ways that they won’t accept the current law on appropriate car seats, you can’t trust them on child safety in general with their outdated “they know what’s best” attitude.

@crustycrab
Now we know why police forces are struggling, all the bloody MN calling in with ridiculous requests 😂 next time I see a post about someone complaining the police haven’t been round about their stolen car/bike I’ll remind them it’s because they’re busy lecturing errant grandparents 🙄🤣

@JKScot4 😂😂🤦🏽‍♀️ absolutely bonkers

I do feel insulted at those saying 'it's a generational thing'. My DH and I are in our seventies and would NEVER take a grandchild in our car without using a carseat or booster. We don't lose all sense as we get older, we listen to advice (as do all our friends of a similar age) and understand that the advice is given to make everyone safer. Why would anyone choose to endanger their grandchildren?

The very fact she had your child on her lap, with the seat belt around them both says she has no idea what could happen to your child in an accident, or even the driver having to do an emergency stop. That bit alone made me feel sick. If my parents did this, they would not have my kids at their house without us being there.

I was born in 71, so remember being in a car with no seatbelts. I remember me and my 3 siblings sitting in the back of our three wheeler car, fighting over who would sit on the wheel arches!

My parents are in their 70’s, so have both driven when seat belts weren’t the law, but both use them religiously. Its not an age, or a generational thing. Its a stupid thing.

I don't understand why people are insulted by those saying it's a generational thing. The enforced use of car seats didn't become law until 2006. As much as many on here have said they used the very first car seats ever invented in the 60s etc. that would have been outside the norm. It's not ageism, it's a fact that millions more people use car seats today then they did even 20-30 years ago, let alone 50-60.

I was not brought up with car seats, but I had no problem adjusting to them being "in" when I had my dc. My own parents obviously didn't have car seats but took time to learn what was expected when they had grandchildren. Not having always had something is generational; but an unwillingness to learn or change is not.

I had my babies in 2000, 2002 and 2004 and a car seat was required to take them
Out the hospital.

I don't understand why people are insulted by those saying it's a generational thing.

Because the absolute vast majority of people of ‘that generation’ aren’t stubborn, arrogant, reckless idiots who would rather endanger their own grandchildren than admit that some changes are for the better.

ItsGoingTibiaK well of course they're not, but you can understand why more people over 50 would be unlikely to always use a car seat than people under 40. I'm not saying they shouldn't have kept up with guidance or should put their family at risk.

A few months ago I totaled my Jeep and if it wasn't for my seat belt and airbag I'd have been severely injured. As it was I received bruises from my seat belt and a burn on my arm from air bag deployment-can't imagine what an accident like that would've done to a little child on her grandmother's knee!?! Support your husband he's in the right

@WTFdidwedo

Yeah, you're right. All the older people I know regularly sack their employees for being gay, beat their grandkids for giving them lip and rape their wives. All perfectly legal in the 80s so what's the problem?

I hyperbolise for effect, of course, but the implication that older people refuse to change is really quite insulting. I do not know a single grandparent who risks the safety of their grandchildren because things used to be different.

@Nutty44 so no-one was injured or died? By that reasoning I could say that no one has ever won the lottery jackpot just because it hasn’t happened to me. People did die, children were killed or maimed in instances where a car seat could have saved them.