Porn useage.

[RuPaulsSlagRace]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Just curious really. What is it people find offensive about porn? Went on a night out with my close (male) mate's wife recently and she drunkenly told me she has banned my friend from watching it as she considers it "cheating". I respect her opinion, but I was intrigued.

I personally love porn although I only watch girl on girl. I am hetero, not attracted to girls. It's the fantasy that does it for me.

So AIBU to ask...what's the big deal about porn?

What a judgemental comment @PositiveVibez

I’m 60 and tick all those boxes because I chose to and enjoy it. You can’t blame porn for everything

@postive

You sound like a dick. Get a grip and grow up.

seems like there are two sides to this -

porn as an object - something you do for pleasure. This should be up to an individual, not dictated by anyone else, including a partner. But, be honest with that partner so they can make up their own minds, and it's as fine a reason as any to leave someone if you don't like their habits.

Is it an ethical object? As with sex toys and porn films, like any other objects we use, its hopefully they've not been made in a sweat shop, or have a huge carbon footprint. But in terms of human cost it's very difficult to tell. Some, not all, performers are consenting. The Jon Ronson podcast opened my eyes to this, and there have been informative posts on here about the cooercion/ rape involved, often on legal sites.

porn as an influence this is harder I think, practically to measure and philosophically. There shouldn't be anything wrong with using a sex doll, but does it then encourage objectification of women. Does violent porn in general? Does it change sexual expectations and norms? I'd have to read the research. Again the Ronson podcast was interesting, it showed how pervasive it was; children are getting exposed to harder porn and earlier and there were ramifications I'd not considered.

I apologise. I didn't mean it to come across like that. It just makes me sad that the influence porn has on society. It is an absolute scourge.

The exploitation of women involved sickens me. I feel strongly about it.

It was not a judgement on the OP. More on society.

Worded badly I admit.

Porn and empowered female sexuality are at opposite ends of the sexual spectrum for me.

All of the people in those scenes are real people, with dreams and fears and families and hurts and pain and longing.

Empowered female sexuality is the honouring of each other’s fullness of ‘me’ and ‘you’ with our weakness and strength - together in this safe and free moment.

To me, porn is the denial of that ‘personhood’ and reduces the people on screen to commodities.

@inlwya you're not alone. This was exactly like my ex.

I'm a woman and I watch porn. Don't have an issue with my partner watching porn.

My exH would rather watch porn that sleep with me some nights. At other times he would mentally reenact his viewing using me as the porn star. I didn't like it anyway as it made me feel inferior as I don't have huge plastic tits and long legs and I don't take it up the arse.

If it's fairly straightforward sex and mutually enjoyable then as a shared experience it's ok, but if it's extreme (which it often is) then its offensive as the woman is usually the submissive partner.

It makes many women feel inferior and as if they aren't good enough for the DH. I sort of understand the idea of it being emotionally cheating.

Same as you OP, I watch female only porn. I'm married to a man and have zero interest in women! Humans are strange creatures.

Really don't understand why this has turned into a debate about ethics. Think OP was asking why it's considered cheating by some women.

@thetwinkletoescollective
The "for you" part is the key though. For some women empowered sexuality is (or seems to be) the complete opposite of that. The ability to have sex with relative strangers, with little to no emotional connection and objectify themselves on social media for validation, without being judged negatively or seen as "broken".

Essentially the freedom to enjoy the "shallow" aspects of sex in the way that men have classically been free to.

It's entirely subjective and I think views on porn tie in to how you view this issue as a whole.