Porn useage.

[RuPaulsSlagRace]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Just curious really. What is it people find offensive about porn? Went on a night out with my close (male) mate's wife recently and she drunkenly told me she has banned my friend from watching it as she considers it "cheating". I respect her opinion, but I was intrigued.

I personally love porn although I only watch girl on girl. I am hetero, not attracted to girls. It's the fantasy that does it for me.

So AIBU to ask...what's the big deal about porn?

Emerald surely the site has to be monitored somehow? Otherwise all manner of things could turn up on there?!

All manner of things do turn up on there!

@ballsdeep I am sure the video's are viewed, clearly ID isn't check correctly. There is no care or responsibility towards the actors, as long as they're not raping it is fine. Two or sometimes three 9 inch cocks pumping every orifice wouldn't cause damage. Oh wait it certainly would

My personal objection isn’t just the’clips’ themselves, it’s the fact these pages and particularly the big free hubs are stuffed full of webcam links and sites to pick up local hookers. Ok people don’t have to click on them but it’s the fact it’s normalised and constantly under their noses that I find seriously off. I hate the fact so many guys pretend not to be at all interested too but if you actually checked what was going through your router are always on this shit. I wish they would be honest about it so you can make an honest choice.

She sounds like a prize pillock.

I don't watch it; DP doesn't watch it. I don't like the exploitation of women. The normalisation of anal sex, bondage, choking. The misogyny. The fact that more and more boys and young men have wholly unrealistic ideas of sex and what is to be expected from a partner.

I never had a problem with it until I got involved with my ex, Everytime I went for a shower he would watch it, everytime I left the house for any reason, even if just to nip to the shop, it escalated to him booking a day off work and not telling me so he could have the day to himself to watch it, I called it a day when he started to purposely get up two hours before me so he could go and sit in the spare room, in silence, with the sound turned down and watch it, leaving me wide awake in bed in the next room. If I got up out of bed I could hear him panic and shut his computer down.

Everytime he had a shower I could hear it blaring over the sound of the shower.

I was really ill one day but still went into work, he had booked a secret day off to wank off all day (found this out when I got home that night) so the next day when I was off work and he was in work I set his screensaver on his computer of a woman giving a blowjob from the last video he watched, left a note telling him I couldn't compete with pixels on a screen anymore and to wank himself to death for all I cared, I then left him.

ONE DAY after I left him he was on a swinging website looking for sex with strangers. 20 years down the drain for me, will never have another relationship again.

Gosh OP - you’re brave!

@inlwya words cannot explain how very glad I am that you dumped that absolute loser

“ Isnit it a very controlling point of view. And a very insecure point of view? ”

Yes, it is. Being married to someone does not mean you get to dictate the wanking habits of another adult.

Seeking to control the sex of another person is deeply manipulative and controlling. It often does stem from insecurity and that is no excuse.

If someone sought to dictate to a woman that she should not use sex toys, using threats and emotional manipulation, that would be a disgrace. Someone might say that it feels to them like cheating, but that is nuts. Someone might say a particular toy was manufactured in a sweatshop, but again that is no argument.

People need to calm down and take reasoned, measured views about all aspects of sex.

I don’t think personal attacks like that are allowed. And I didn’t say I was a porn user. You failed to engage with the points made entirely, instead engaging in a personal attack.

Nil poi.

Will never understand why people who don't watch porn can't just give their reasons and not judge and guilt everyone else who does enjoy it. We are lucky we live in a world where men and women can freely indulge in sex, fantasies and any sort of intimate relationship they choose.

A large part of the world does not have that luxury. Women who've never experienced orgasms, who get their clits cut off, men who can never show public displays of affection, who can't have same sex relationships or have different partners, or even understand what sex really is - all because of this controlling belief, that other people can police how you have sex, and what is healthy/not healthy/acceptable, and guilt you into thinking your personal sex life is responsible for society's downfall..

OP, I think you have an approach to porn shared by many. If you can orgasm, however that is, celebrate - the stats on women who don't is depressing. But you also have reasons why many people don't like it. As an aside, the number of men I know who are banned from watching porn but have secret Tumblr, IG, Blog accounts on their phone where they watch it but it can't be traced - none of that is actually counted for in stats for who watches porn. So other people's bedroom habits are just that, OTHER people's habits. Don't try to analyse it so much, just do what feels right to you.

@StreetwiseHercules, using sex toys isn't involving other people, which porn does, it uses them for your pleasure.

If your partner is engaging in a pastime that puts you, or rather something you enjoy and is essential, as a couple, at risk, then you do get to have an opinion on that.

Moderate porn use does have a negative effect on your real life sex life and you have the right to say if it continues, it's a deal breaker.

It's then up to that person to decide if they want to stay in the relationship.

“ Will never understand why people who don't watch porn can't just give their reasons and not judge and guilt everyone else who does enjoy it. We are lucky we live in a world where men and women can freely indulge in sex, fantasies and any sort of intimate relationship they choose.

A large part of the world does not have that luxury. ”

Indeed. And the most anti-women societies in the world are the places where porn is suppressed the most. They fear the power of female sexuality. Sadly, still so many people in the western world want all things sex repressed and kept taboo, because they fear it and it makes them feel “uncomfortable” due to their own insecurities.

In the conservative UK it is more of a issue than elsewhere in Europe where adults tend to have more grown up views about all things sexual, with less baggage. They are more evolved as societies.

“
@StreetwiseHercules, using sex toys isn't involving other people, which porn does, it uses them for your pleasure.”

But they might be manufactured in sweat shops. And are you ok with men shagging blow up dolls or sex robots? That’s something that I find really creepy and uncomfortable but I think it’s entirely up to them.

I don’t see porn as cheating in any form, it’s a video on a screen.

There are many forms of it, It’s not all about exploit just like everything else.

It’s not cheating. If you don’t want to watch it don’t watch it but don’t guilt others. I don’t watch but wouldn’t dream to tell others not to

The normalisation of anal sex, bondage, choking. The misogyny. The fact that more and more boys and young men have wholly unrealistic ideas of sex and what is to be expected from a partner.

This is my core issue with porn. Anecdotal, but a friend started dating recently. She’s slept with 3 men who all, first time having sex, wanted anal. All of them. And she accepted, even though she doesn’t really like it. When I asked, she said well it didn’t bother her ‘too much’ and they enjoyed it, so she let them. She also watches porn.

I don’t think men have a natural, impulsive desire to have anal sex immediately, but porn creates an expectation that it needs to be part of the whole sex experience.

*@StreetwiseHercules, using sex toys isn't involving other people, which porn does, it uses them for your pleasure.”

But they might be manufactured in sweat shops. And are you ok with men shagging blow up dolls or sex robots? That’s something that I find really creepy and uncomfortable but I think it’s entirely up to them.*

You are conflating too issues.
It’s understandable for someone to be against porn because they are using another person as a means to an end - and some may therefore consider that cheating. Sex toys do not someone else as a means to an end, no more than reading a book or playing a video game would.

The ethical issue is a different problem entirely.

“ She’s slept with 3 men who all, first time having sex, wanted anal”

I would say that’s very unusual. I have no interest in anal sex and I don’t know any man in any circle of my life who does. In my experience probably 1 in 10 have tried it and fewer than that are interested in it going forward.

StreetwiseHercules

It’s not really my place to tell her who to date, but she does seem to have a knack for picking misogynists. They all watch porn and one of them even suggested watching it together.

I can’t (and won’t) assume this is typical of ALL men who watch porn, but where else would the men that are like this get their ideas about anal, choking, etc? Porn makes it seem normal, so misogynistic men will think it’s fine to initiate it.

“ You are conflating too issues.“

I am doing the opposite. I am separating them entirely and your dissembling has been unsuccessful.

It is not acceptable to dictate to a woman regarding her wanking habits. Toys are absolutely fine. But some people (oddballs) are threatened by them and consider it cheating. That’s THEIR problem.

I take the same view over porn use. There is of course porn which is entirely unacceptable. Adults must use their judgement.

Given that there is nothing wrong with using sex toys, what is your view on men shaving blow up dolls and sex robots?

I don’t like the idea personally. But how can I take that view when I have no issue with female sex toys?

I guess, like most things, it complicated and judgement is required to be used.

People who take the view that all porn use is bad are taking a ridiculous view no different from a view saying that women shouldn’t use sex toys ever.

But in the experience of girls and women - some of whom have sustained life changing injuries due to it, it is much higher than 1 in 10 men who want anal sex. A quick google search will tell you about a 16 year old who will have to use a colostomy bag for life after a group of boys tried to reenact the porn they’d watched.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.lifesitenews.com/mobile/blogs/males-copying-violent-porn-scenes-are-inflicting-life-changing-injuries-on-females

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11554595/Pornography-has-changed-the-landscape-of-adolescence-beyond-all-recognition.html

I'm 22

Yep. Guessed it. Your age group have been born into the era where porn is at men's fingertips and young women have been conditioned to accept this shit.

Bet you also have a completely bald fanny and at least one male has tried to get you to do anal.