Porn useage.

[RuPaulsSlagRace]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

Just curious really. What is it people find offensive about porn? Went on a night out with my close (male) mate's wife recently and she drunkenly told me she has banned my friend from watching it as she considers it "cheating". I respect her opinion, but I was intrigued.

I personally love porn although I only watch girl on girl. I am hetero, not attracted to girls. It's the fantasy that does it for me.

So AIBU to ask...what's the big deal about porn?

I get off on BDSM ( straight female )
At the beginning, ( of what I watch ) there is usually always a short clip showing the actors
talking to the director, she tells them her boundaries, and they discuss safety. I have even watched a scene ( badly edited I guess ) where the male actor misreads her, and thinks she has given him the safety signal to stop, he immediately stops and checks if she’s ok. At the end, there is a short clip of the actors discussing the scene and checking that everyone is ok.

That’s just the stuff I watch I’m aware that this isn’t always the case sadly.

I don’t personally regard it as cheating, and nor does my husband, but I know a great many women do and hate it.

If he is an adult male he is going to watch porn

There was a report in the Times a few months back about the nations porn watching habits. It mostly concentrated on how deeply degrading practises have become more common and the damage they do to sexual relationships and, for men, performance. Buried at the end of the article though was the not so minor detail that less than half the adult population watch any porn at all.

So no, not all adult men watch porn, that's just something people say when they are trying to justify their habits or pretend their partner's habits are 'normal'.

It is both normal and healthy to not watch porn and to not wish to waste your life on someone who does.

Jon Ronson's Last Days of August podcast is thought provoking about this topic.

I view it as cheating as they are getting turned on by another person.

They’re getting turned on by a fantasy though, not another person. There’s no interaction between the two, it’s the same as getting turned on by the things you imagine in your head.

Personally I think porn is absolutely fine when used in moderation, it’s when it’s used too much, or for educating oneself that it becomes a problem.

@BlackBlueBell I totally agree with what you say. particularly re. the fantasy element.

I think there's always a bit of an implicit don't-ask-don't-tell in relationships.

Most women know that if their partner was in the position of having every woman in a 10 mile radius wanting to have sex with them, they may not make the cut.

I think porn can often make it seem like an undeniable compromise (especially if their tastes in porn women don't bear much resemblance to their partner).

It's a bit silly, but it comes from the same insecurity as men who get jealous when their partners interact with other men.

I am a woman. I do think that porn has huge effects on our mental attitudes to women.

I watched some porn - that was very disrespectful to women.

And I felt that it affected me, that even I viewed women differently after watching it.

My attitutes to women began to change after watching porn.

I began to think That women are just for sex
That women are there to serve men
That violence to women is normal.
That it is okay to treat women like shit.

Porn dehumanises and degrades women. It is incredibly damaging. With the rape cultire out there - governments need to take porn alot more seriously.

Have it age restricted.
Have very violent porn banned.

Have you heard of the murder of Ana kriegel (14) in Ireland? She waa murdered by a bou after he watched violent porn.

Then there is the murder of the British girl in New Zealand. The guy watched violent porn before he killed her.

Ted Bundy said that violent porn was a huge factor in him going out and killing girls.

The governments need to really look at porn and how it should be improved.

The current (mostly male) governments do not care.

It is us women that need to change things. We do not stand up for ourselves enough. We do not fight for our gender enough- and we should

I think you need to have a look at a few studies into the industry and the horrific reality that can be behind the industry.

This is understandable, a lot of porn is unethical eg revenge porn, abuse - but I think op meant how is it cheating?

Most women know that if their partner was in the position of having every woman in a 10 mile radius wanting to have sex with them, they may not make the cut.

What a cynical view. So men don’t fall in love then? They just put up with the first woman who will have them? What nonsense.

I don’t like the thought of my DH watching porn but equally know there’s no way I can ban a grown man from watching it. I wouldn’t say it’s cheating but it does make me feel rather uneasy.

@urkiddingright

Not at all. I'm talking purely sexually. I think there's some truth about men compartmentalizing sex.

It's why porn is popular with men in the first place. Basically some women get jealous because they assume that indiscriminating feelings of lust has any bearing on the affection that their partners have for them.

I do wonder why porn especially the incidious creeping 'nature' of more and more violent aspect that plages the internet and minds of very malleable young people has been allowed to be so normalised.

Why is something that celebrates male violence allowed to be so very accesable?

Why are males and females being 'brain-washed' to accept extreme acts are the norm?

What agenda does this serve?

Op, do you plan to engage with the people here, discussing the question that you asked?

RuPaulsSlagRace your username suggests that you wouldn't be swayed by any of the arguments that revolve around misogyny, so what's the point?

I must have lived a sheltered life. I don’t do porn and nor does DH, but when I hear about the sort of stuff people “enjoy” (rape, choking, BDSM etc) I do worry for their mental health.

You should also know that an awful lot of this supposedly “mainstream” stuff is also illegal in the UK (where I imagine most MNers are from?). Extreme pornography has a very wide definition and covers most non-vanilla stuff now.

There’s a common misconception that it’s only child or animal abuse images that are unlawful- it’s not.

It’s well known that a large number of women featured in porn have been trafficked, exploited and abused.

Just a few things to think about.

grabs shield and awaits onslaught

Nothing wrong with porn if it's a legal site. Sick of hearing people moaning about porn tbh. I watch it. I like it, watch if u enjoy dont watch if u dont enjoy. Simple as. Loads of people watch/like porn than actually admit

There is porn made by female directors, homemade porn made by couples of all shapes, sizes and sexualities. Not all porn is the same.

I think some women see it is cheating as in the moment as they come with the actress in mind, believing their dick is with the actress.
Though I'm not a man so unsure how they feel watching porn, if they enjoy the act or believe they are participating from the couch.

My man doesn't watch porn. He thinks it's a bit sad, and informed me of his views before I informed him of mine.

I am vehemently anti-porn for many of the reasons stated above. If I were to find out that my man watches it, I would simply leave. Cause my happiness comes over and above any man and my tolerance for male bullshit is almost non-existent.

• The effects of dopamine and needing more and more to get the same rush.
• The issues it causes and that it is cited as a contributory factor in divorce.
• It is surrounded by lies. There are misconceptions that performers are well paid. The majority are not.
• Porn is quite a wide term but it encompasses now horrific violence against women and normalises degrading actions.
• I believe when someone denies the humanity of a person and 'gets off' on their pain/humiliation, the suppression of empathy, scars and hardens their own heart. It is not a harmless passtime.
• How on earth can anyone find that haunted and dead look in people's eyes attractive?
• The sexual orgasm creates oxytocin in a body - which is a bonding chemical and it causes sexual function to be 'attached' to viewing and prevents people from becoming aroused in usual circumstances.
• It warps ideas surrounding boundaries and acceptable behaviour.

So it has negative effects on the body, the mind and the heart.

@Birdgirl67 @ClownsandCowboys within the parameters you’ve given people can watch videos of me being raped and videos I didn’t know were being filmed. That’s why I don’t watch porn and why my husband doesn’t.

If you search you can see other women this has happened to and that they have been driven to suicide because of it.

They’re getting turned on by a fantasy though, not another person. There’s no interaction between the two, it’s the same as getting turned on by the things you imagine in your head.

But it is a real actual other person! Filmed but still absolutely real. You have been successfully gaslit by men into accepting that a real naked woman is an imaginary woman so long as she's filmed rather than a live show. And that is simply not true.

That TV footage of forests burning in Australia? The trees really are burning btw, it's not just all pretend because you're viewing it on the telly 24 hours later...

Wow . To paraphrase “everything leads back to exploitation so why feel guilty ? “
That’s fellow women that’s why . So what if a tiny percentage do well and enjoy themselves ? The whole industry is absolutely rancid and relies on exploitation . Not “leads back” , but RELIES .
Just look at the top searches on Porn Hub and tell me how any of those are healthy fantasies to have .

Never mind , that’s before we get to the increasing evidence of sexual dysfunction it creates in users , and what it’s teaching our children about sex , and the humanity of women .
I mean , Drs are reporting girls as young as eleven presenting with intimate injuries inflicted by their boyfriends , and teachers of a rising tide of sexualised assaults against female pupils .

So why indeed fell guilt ?

I occasionally watch porn. I've never seen rape, choking etc on legal sites?!?

@recall - so you don’t realise that they put those little clips in precisely to make the viewer feel better about it, but they are just like the rest - not real!

@Birdgirl67 Wow you really believe the ladies on a legal site are not trafficked, forced to work to clear their debt.
Who monitors the uploads.
They advertise young teen gets fucked, the girls look 15 the younger looking the better.
This below and yes she was 15 on pornhub. Enjoy your thrill now.

life.shared.com/mom-spots-adult-videos-of-missing-daughter-pornhub-snapchat