Am I being unreasonable about SIL staying

[Yajjjj]

My sister in law is coming to the UK from overseas to spend the last ten weeks of her pregnancy. She will be having the child her as an overseas patient as she does not fulfill the criteria for NHS care (paying for NHS treatment). My parents have a flat she can stay the entire time but she will be on her own mainly. I spoke to my brother today and was told she was coming straight to us from the airport. No is that ok? Or how long can you accommodate her for?. I made my excuses and got off the phone. I have discussed with my DH and have told my brother that she can stay in my house for 2 weeks but not for the entire time. She will be welcome to stay ad-hoc for a few days here and there if she wants. I have had no response. Is this reasonable?

They can’t simply decide that somebody will descend upon you for 10 weeks. It’s just not acceptable, no matter what cultural nuances might be involved. If there’s another place for her to stay then ISTM that’s where she should go, and people should visit her there so that she’s not alone. Good luck!

coconuttelegraph OK you say she's paying for her care but I'm not sure I'm really comfortable with non citizens taking up resources on NHS maternity wards. You haven't answered why she can't have the baby where she lives

What the hell does that have to do with anything? It’s not op’s choice where her sil decides to have her baby. You can be as uncomfortable as you like but it’s not illegal and it’s got nothing to do with this post.

Op, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to say two weeks max. Her mother could come down with her at the same time to keep her company. It’s not your responsibility and two weeks is more than generous

OP if you're still reading, this is all kinds of wrong! They are all very very unreasonable to send her here? Why FFS. Is this about nationality? Prenatal tourism for healthcare?

This is her first baby. You have no idea how the labour will progress. The baby may arrive early before the others have arrived. Your brother could be delayed. There may be any number of other complications. It sounds risky and puts you in the hot seat as primary carer if she has the baby early. Have they thought about any of this?

At the other end of this is a young woman about to have her first baby and her whole family is quite happy to play Risk with her and her baby. How very fucking strange.

Slight side issue but does she know that quite a few airlines allow pregnant women to fly up to 35 or 36 weeks and even further along with a medical certificate? So she could cut down on the very long 10 week wait.

A child born in GB to non-GB citizens who are not residing in GB, won’t be a GB citizen, so they won’t be giving birth in GB for the citizenship. If one of the parents is a GB citizen the child can be awarded Gb citizenship regardless of where it is born.

They're definitely in the wrong for imposing her on you like that and you shouldn't have her the whole time - why would you send her to another country to go give birth without someone else with her who'll be able to be by her side like her mother? What are they planning to do if there's any complications or she gives birth earlier than expected?

Pesky foreigners giving birth in Great Britain - they should go back to their own countries 🙄

@SwishSwishBisch

Being born here is not enough to gain British citizenship. You also need to have one or both parents who are either British citizens or hold indefinite leave to remain in the UK.

I assume she is coming for the healthcare or to be close to family. As OP has stated she will be an overseas patient meaning she will lay for her care which is charged at 150% of the normal rate (approximately £5000 - 8000 for a normal uncomplicated birth) if she uses the NHS or she might as well go private.

A child born in GB to non-GB citizens who are not residing in GB, won’t be a GB citizen, so they won’t be giving birth in GB for the citizenship. If one of the parents is a GB citizen the child can be awarded Gb citizenship regardless of where it is born.

The one potential benefit would be that if born abroad to British parents, baby would be a British citizen by descent, which cannot then be passed on to their children, but born here to a British parent is full unqualified British citizenship and their own children born abroad would be citizens by descent.

Is it definitely NHS though or are people assuming this is "health tourism"

It could be that the SIL is wealthy and has chosen The Portland or the Lindo or similar, a lot of their prestige here extends internationally, I saw a doc about the Portland, several international mums.

Sorry I've just realised the OP mentioned NHS

OK you say she's paying for her care but I'm not sure I'm really comfortable with non citizens taking up resources on NHS maternity wards. You haven't answered why she can't have the baby where she lives.

Why are some posters so fecking entitled? Nobody is obligated to answer a question. The reasons why this woman is having her baby in the UK are not relevant to OP's question and are completely beyond her control. She does not owe anybody an answer.

If you are unhappy, I suggest you direct your enquiries towards policymakers and not the sister in law of a woman who is possibly (but not definitely, because you know next to nothing about the circumstances) doing something that makes you "uncomfortable".

@Jameelia @mauvaisereputation
Was just coming back to say what Ellmau said. My sister is British by descent as my parents (both British otherwise than by descent) were living abroad when she was born. My sister also now lives abroad, and so returned to the UK to have both of her children in order to avoid the one generation issue described above.
So, while it is just as likely OPs SIL is coming here for healthcare or family reasons, it’s also entirely possible it’s to do with citizenship.

OK you say she's paying for her care but I'm not sure I'm really comfortable with non citizens taking up resources on NHS maternity wards

@coconuttelegraph

Get ready to get really uncomfortable. There are plenty of non-citizens using the NHS legally and contributing NI towards it as well.

1. EU citizens
2. Non-EU citizens with residence permits and work visa
3. Non-British spouses and family members with family leave to remain
4. International students

And the list foes on.

Mind blown

Not all British taxpayers and residents are British citizens so you will find a lot of non-citizens in the maternity wards. I hope that is okay with you

Those highlighting the NHS resources are doing it, I presume, because of all the reporting that the provision is over-stretched, staff are exhausted and mistakes are being made. The highest area for suing relates to maternity/birth. It isn't OPs fault, but it is the reality that the NHS is under strain and additional patients further stretch resources.

I see there is some mission creep here by your family. What is it with people!

You do know British citizens are also classed as overseas patients if they are not ordinarily resident in the UK, I.e. not living in the UK primarily and have moved away for work or just relocating. As PP have pointed out people come back to give birth so their children can pass on the British citizenship to their grandchildren. Because they are not ordinarily resident they have to pay for NHS services.

Totally not being unreasonable. He’s rude and expecting way too much. I’m genuinely confused why people don’t realise that others have their own stuff going on and aren’t waiting in the wings to swoop into do whatever is demanded of them. It would be a hard no from me, why did they decide on this ridiculous plan and it’s not your issue

I'd probably say she could stay a week or so & you & your DH can go with her to the flat before then to make sure its OK, get some baby stuff set up, get her familiar with the area etc. She'll be very lonely I'd suspect & would need checking on daily & inviting to yours for odd meals etc. Have you met her before? If she's nice, it might be easier for her to stay at yours, rather than keep checking up on her or worrying she's gone into labour etc.

But yeah l can see why other people are annoyed about the health tourism. There is a hospital near Heathrow airport which is infamous for this, especially in maternity . Not fair for women who have maybe paid in for 20 odd years or more into the NHS

Ok now with all the updates I think it's unreasonable of your brother to expect you to put her up.
It doesn't matter if she'd be lonely - that's not your responsibility and your DH isn't comfortable with it and doesn't particularly like her.

Please prioritise the family you created yourself - you, DH and DC

It’s sad to see people making arguments over who deserves NHS treatment when the entire reason the NHS was conceived and why it is such a unique system is that care is provided on need. Either way SIL is paying privately which can only benefit the stretched maternity resources of the hospital she uses.

@chloedecker it says she's coming for the last ten weeks of her pregnancy in the OP.

Why have you not told him that you don’t want to do this?