To not go to work today?

[Ritascornershop]

I’ve got chronic migraines, and they’re mostly under control, but in an ideal world (albeit one where I still had migraines) I’d take about 4 days off a month for the migraine and the recovery. As it is I take about a day off a month. But I still feel guilty!

If I’m not at work nothing much changes. My coworker still doesn’t budge from her desk all day, my work gets done when I return. I struggle to find enough to do as it is. And some days I’m just filled with dread at the idea of going in (& the dread is sometimes a pre-migraine symptom).

I don’t always know if what seems like migraine symptoms early in the morning (4:00 am) will turn into a mobster or of triptans will scare it off. About one day a month I don’t feel like chancing it. Then, on the days it stays a quiet grumbling, I feel guilty for staying home and flipping through magazines and napping. AIBU to stay home?

You DO NOT get one paid sick day per month - that's the worst way I've ever seen sickness entitlement described!

Indeed. Civil Service eh? Nice to know where our taxes go.

Just seen OP isn’t in the UK. So not my taxes but some other poor buggers.

Thanks all :) Looks like the sneery ones have gone to sleep (I’m in quite a different time zone to GMT).

I get very regular sleep & mine aren’t affected by food, it’s more hormonal I think. My neurologist said not to worry too much about triggers as he says it can make the anxiety worse. I don’t drink and I definitely don’t over-medicate with the triptans as ive read that those migraines are even worse and don’t respond to medication, so I’m very very careful not to use triptans too often.

Thanks for the support all. The flipping through magazines ... I’m not reading, just glancing at pretty pictures for a few moments and obviously only when the migraine is in between being fully aborted and being medium level. Taking propanylol twice a day has helped turn the symptoms down so that when I do get them they aren’t as severe as often (but I’m still exhausted and have muddy thinking and blurred vision).

And after years of being horribly ill with severe migraines and no understanding at my old job, I did fight my capitalist programming and decided my health was more important than other people’s approval. Migraines can make you feel horribly vulnerable and I realized the only person who will protect me, is me.

I don’t take painkillers, they don’t work on my migraines. When they come on I take a triptan, which is not a painkiller but instead (some of the time) aborts the migraine.

I’m confused. If you are allotted one day - if needed - of paid sick time a month, how else would you describe it? I truly think this must be a different way of describing it that you are struggling with (due to my non-British English). As I said earlier in the thread: our union contract allows for one paid sick day a month if we need it (medical and dental appointments fall under this too). I have never suggested it has to be used or taken if not sick, so I’m not sure why the terminology is getting anyone’s goat? And yes, not your tax money, mine and other citizens of my country.

If I employed someone like you my business would lose a hell of a lot of money
Imagine saying this to someone with a physical disability or illness like cancer.

There will be employers who think like this and be wondering how they can boot the person out without being seen to break the law. It's naive to think otherwise.

It definitely is, or can be, a disability imo. I have a close relative who was disabled by them for most of her working life and couldn't work.

I've also had migraines and o.m.g. you have my sympathy, op. They are horrific. Don't shoot me down but the way I dealt with them - just giving my account here, not suggesting it's for everyone - was to concentrate on my breathing and, at the first sign of the aura, to stop and breath deeply, good cleansing breaths. Migraines are so frightening it is very easy to freeze in panic and breathing becomes shallow, which triggers the adrenals etc, and before you know it a full blown migraine has taken over. I worked on my breathing and also my fear. It took about 6 months of practising this and I am very happy to report I've not had one since.

Obviously it's not as si,mple as that for everyone! But certainly it can't hurt to work on your breathing.

I would look at getting this classified as a disability op. Because imo it is.

That’s a good idea about the breathing - I always like ideas where it can’t hurt to try! I did have some breathing techniques years ago when I did a lot of yoga and it certainly can be very calming.

Don’t understand OP what you’re asking? If you’re unable to go to work due to the migraine then you can’t go into work?! Whatever the sick policy at work is, it’s nothing to do with us. If they’re unhappy with all those sick days then surely they’d pull you up on it. Do you want us to justify your sick days? Give you sympathy? What do you actually want....

Like a PP, I’m also confused as to why you posted in AIBU when you are completely convinced you are not.

I would go to work if I was well enough to flip through magazines. I know migranes are awful. I'd suggest maybe if you are well enough to read, stay awake etc., then having quiet evenings after work for added recovery, as they definitely don't just go away quickly and you feel right as rein!
Keep your sick days for the days they are at their worst. Sorry you suffer with them, they are definitely life altering for so many.

For anyone who doesn't know what the word "chronic" means.
It means having an illness over a long period of time" This is what op has as it has and is an ongoing illness.

I hate love when the OP asks an AIBU question then gets huffy and insults anyone who answers YABU

I understand why you're getting agitated by the replies by people saying yabu. It's the way they are saying it and the fact that they are commenting on your 1 day off a month, which is not what you asked about.
I do think you're being unreasonable for not going in at the thought of a migraine developing. I would go in and get a taxi home if one develops. Although, I know this is sometimes difficult. I haven't had a migraine in years now but when I used to get them at work as a teenager, the staff used to send me to the first aid room to lie down (rinse and repeat) and refuse to send me home. I was young so not brave enough to say I need to go home now!
I'm wondering if this is a real time question as surely if you feel a migraine coming on you wouldn't have the capacity to argue on mumsnet? But the title is about work today.

@Freezingold I suffer (and I really do mean suffer) from cluster-headaches, aka 'suicide headaches' with the latter name being both accurate and a very good description!

I currently take verapamil for "prevention" and I use zolmitriptan when I cannot deal with them any longer, although I can only use these twice in a 24 hour period.

The 'overuse' of painkillers as described by the migraine research foundation which I posted mentions over the counter meds, and prescription medication, which in my opinion would be something like codiene, which is known to make headaches worse.

People should always follow their healthcare providers advice in my opinion, although there are alternative ways to help.

Who would have thought there were so many migraine deniers?!!

I get migraines. They range from disassociative confusion and nausea and pain controlled by tablets to full on vision disturbances, sickness, pounding pain and slurred words (friend actually thought I was having a stroke until I explained) and all I can do is lie in the dark and hopefully sleep.
I go to work with the first type, not the second. I wouldn't be safe driving there and neither would other road users.
I have had one sick day since Sept.
If its really bad yanbu to take a sick day bht 4 might be stretching it.
I have been in this job 12 years and only taken a handful of sick days so they know if I call in sick I m really ill.

Migraines and headaches are different though aren't they?

My migraines are full blown aura and flashing lights until I really can't see. This lasts up to an hour. Then I generally have a 20 minute window before the actual headache kicks in. For me the pain is quite mild and sometimes the headache hardly kicks in at all.

Its the feeling really groggy and hungover for a couple of days afterwards that is the main problem for me.

I completely understand the effects of migraines and yanbu, I remember having to be walked out of school because I couldn't see and having an injection for the pain and sleeping for 3 days in a complete dark room. It's not safe to drive or be up and moving on your own if you have a full blown migraine so work would not be ideal in those circumstances. Has your doctor prescribed anything to take daily to help prevent the migraines? I used to have "sibellium" every day and I would very very rarely get one then and if I did I had a different tablet (can't remember what it was called) that I put under my tongue if I could feel one coming on. I hope you get some help and take care of yourself, migraines are debilitating sometimes

In the UK the Dept for work and pensions consider chronic migraines a disability, especially if on significant medication and under the care of a neurologist. They consider not only the day the person has the migraine but also the length of time required to fully recover from it. It can be one of these invisible disabilities. In the UK people might get 12 days per year paid sick leave (if lucky!) which would obviously equate to 1 day a month if broken down. By saying you get paid for 1 sick day a month so it's OK to take it perhaps inadvertently implied you take 1 day a month sick, whether or not it is needed as you will be paid for it. If I were you I would be making an appointment to see the boss and ask for an OH referral. There may be some workplace adaptations that could be made that may help but it would also give you some additional support and leeway if you are struggling with them whilst also taking into account the needs of your employer. Ultimately only you know if you know are well enough to work, but the UK, in my experience are a pretty hardy bunch and tend to work through most things, whether or not they should.

I've no intention of sneering

Surely being under the care of a neurologist for years and being ill should qualify?

It's a matter of opinion, I have a chronic condition but I am not ill, it's a condition I have, it's how I prefer to look at it. If I had measles I'd be ill.

@TinklyLittleLaugh "Migraines and headaches are different though aren't they?"

Mine are referred to as cluster-headaches, they are the most painful type of headache, far worse than a migraine or brain hemorrhage according to the neurologists I've spoke to...

Retro You misunderstand; I'm not implying migraines are worse. DH used to get terrible painful headaches, in many ways much more horrible than my migraines.

What’s caused the confusion is the OP starting off by saying blithely that she takes a day off a month if she feels she may be getting a migraine and flips through magazines passing the time if she doesn’t. That’s an annoying situation to picture if you’re the one dumped on at work because your colleague keeps calling in sick

@Retroflex I have heard of cluster headaches and they sound dreadful. I hope that you are able to cope. How awful.

I really should have seen a neurologist with my migraines, I’ve suffered them every two weeks for years and years (usually medium ones not full but do greatly affect me). I rarely take time off and just get on with it, however there is so much time I lose.

It also affects my relationships, my Ex thought I was someone who was ‘like two different people, nice sometimes, moody the others’ yeah I was feeling sick and rubbish and sometimes couldnt see what was in front of my face! My step daughter also got the hump about it. They seemed to expect me to always be cheerful and anything less was given some kind of bad intention!

And I did tell them that I had migraines but part of my coping is that I didn’t want to talk about them all the time, if I just got on with things, housework or anything I could do (I often had to stop looking at a screen or book), rather than lie down, then at least I was doing stuff. I couldn’t bear lying in bed as then I could really feel them and had no distractions and as they’d last two days every week I just couldn’t cope with that amount of time. And then I’d sleep for too long, upset my sleep routine, and trigger another one!

But yes, really affected work productivity and relationships.

Sorry I had them two days every fortnight. Not every week usually.