In laws not coming to my 50th party

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

Aibu to be upset as my inlaws have told my partner (not me) they are not coming to my party as minding the favoured sons child on the night (who have a pre-arranged do & aren't coming either) i have given them 8 weeks notice. Have been married 20 years to their child and known them 23 years. Everyone else seems to be able to get a babysitter? Comments please...

@Crunched

I see it as an honour to be included in an event to celebrate a loved ones significant date. I know that on MN invites are often seen as pain rather than pleasure which always seems odd to me.

^^ I agree! I think it's lovely to be invited to a celebration and I usually go unless there's a good reason not to (illness, holiday booked).

Anyway, ignore them, OP, and have a lovely party. They're the ones missing out on the fun!

My take on it, based on what OP said...

OP invites all ILs
PILS might have said yes but, when they mention it to BIL, he says "We're already booked that night and you're babysitting" - not having mentioned it before
PILS decline invitation... after some delay and only when specifially asked.

OP is a bit sad that none of her ILs will rearrange the babysitting, or even tell her that they aren't coming. Her DH is also a little sad that his family won't be there for his wife.

Such is the melodrama favoured siblings can cause! Seems unimportant but can eat away at the less favoured. It really isn't pleasant to experience.

Big birthdays aren’t special to anyone but the person celebrating

I kind of know what b you mean, but there wouldn’t be any parties at all if that were totally true. What about surprise parties? That must involve the interest of others or they wouldn’t bother organising it

They don’t want to go to your birthday

Some bitchy comments. I too would be rethinking future events with in laws. I guess if you ever need a babysitter they are already booked in with bil years in advance. It's clear they dont value your family so accept it and agree not to value them either. Happy 50th.

Lots of quite ageist projecting about what the ILs might or might not like.

To be booked 8 weeks in advance, the dinner is probably an important one. Could you offer tomcover the costs of a paid baby sitter to free up your ILs to come?

If however they continue to decline, then yes you have to take this on the chin and accept that they don't really want to come. But try not to invent reasons for that - all that will do is put a whole pack of (probably unpleasant) thoughts in your mind (and most/all of them will be dead wrong)

Maybe they don’t think adult birthdays are a big deal, most don’t have parties after 21.

Lots of people don't really enjoy parties. I imagine they're in their 70s or 80s and it's probably a bit daunting for them. I don't like parties much and I'm in my 40s! Don't make a big deal out of this. They're old and tired. Just accept their excuse.

Why would you want your inlaws at your birthday party?

I've had a brother in law and sister in law both turn 50 and I managed to completely avoid both occasions 😄.

Golden boy can be the chief bum bather when the time comes then can't he?

never celebrate any birthdays, anniverseries or engagements with parties, mn has beared out my reasons for not doing so on many occasions, people fall out, over booking and the like but i should imagine it is very disappointing to be over looked.

Life doesn't end at 60 ffs. Most of my older relatives love a family party as they get to see all they family together. Ok they cant party like rock stars any more but they can manage a few drinks slightly stronger than bloody horlicks and most of them can even manage to throw a few shapes on the dancefloor.

My Dad is 80 with a chronic lung disease but he can still do the Timewarp

Needs to sit down for a bit after though

I love the 'older people won't want to sit in a pub with loud music'. The PILs are late 60s. They GREW UP in the 1960s. Not exactly renowned for its genteel tea dances and baroque compositions.

When we used my in laws to babysit we would often book them in a year in advance (concerts, weddings, Christmas party's etc). I wouldn't be best impressed if we had made arrangements, perhaps paid for tickets and 8 weeks before got told 'sorry we can't look after the DGC now as we have been invited to a party!'

Sorry you are being unreasonable

Why would you want your inlaws at your birthday party?
Indeed.

Why would you want your inlaws at your birthday party?
Indeed.

Why not?

Life doesn't end at 60 ffs

The things you enjoy tend to change. In my 60s and enjoy nothing better than a few drinks down the pub with my friends. But throw in noisy music that takes away opportunity for conversation and I'm off. Parties in pubs tend to have noisy music.
It's possible to be 60+ and have a full, rewarding and active life, but have grown to abhor noisy booze ups.