In laws not coming to my 50th party

[WorkHardPlayHard1]

Aibu to be upset as my inlaws have told my partner (not me) they are not coming to my party as minding the favoured sons child on the night (who have a pre-arranged do & aren't coming either) i have given them 8 weeks notice. Have been married 20 years to their child and known them 23 years. Everyone else seems to be able to get a babysitter? Comments please...

@Whoops75
"YABU
Big birthdays aren’t special to anyone but the person celebrating."

Don't be pathetic. It's quite normal to celebrate with our family and friends and be happy for them.

What a sad life you must lead.

All adults were invited as its "family" - its in a bar not really the place for 6 year olds ..

I think you’re overreacting

YABU.
If it is important that they are there, did you check they were free before booking the room / DJ etc ?
I don't see that sticking to something you are committed to, when someone then invites you to something else, is that bad.
Also, as a pp says, maybe at their age they are happier sitting on someone's sofa watching TV that going to a party where they might struggle to hear conversation etc?

Yanbu, and i sympathise xx

Why isn't BIL invited? Do you think that's what this iscabout?

They know the other family and quite a few friends? Am baffled

All ILs invited its a celebration!? 🤪

If your BIL and his wife are just going out for a normal meal, not a special "do" or a ticketed event then yes, I think they're all being a bit unkind.

I'd definitely rearrange plans to enable my babysitters attend a landmark birthday party, I'd want to go myself as well.

If your BIL is going to a special event, however, then it's unfortunate, but he got in there first. Personally, I'd still find alternative babysitters, but that's just me.

This really wouldn't be an issue for me, as my own nuclear and FOO (family of origin) are my nearest and dearest. If any of them didn't come...I'd be really upset.

FIL loves me, so he would always attend my birthday party over babysitting any GC.

Just enjoy your special day.

In fairness I don't think my 80 year old mil would relish sitting in a pub with all the replies getting drunk. I think she'd try to find a way to politely decline.

I think you're being a little precious to be honest. You didn't check they were free before you booked it, and now they have a prior engagement. If the shoe was on the other foot and they'd promised to babysit for you, then promptly dropped you so they could go to another relative's birthday party, wouldnt you be cheesed off?

If all your ILs were supposed to be invited and your PIL and your BIL and his wife were already booked, but you wanted them to come, why did you book it on a night they cant make it?

In laws are late 60s party people

Also can't understand people saying that it may not be their idea of a good night out.

Surely you go to special parties and events to celebrate the person they're being held for, not because you know half the people there? I go to friends' parties to support and celebrate with them, I often don't know many people.

Rellies

All adults were invited as its "family" - its in a bar

I'm guessing they're 70+.. do you think a party in a bar is really their thing?

They didnt know they were babysitting for BIL on that date til they mentioned the party??🤷‍♀️

If they wanted to come then they would get a babysitter. They don't want to, maybe it's not their scene. Nothing wrong with that.

I think they will feel too old to be at a bar, and the thought of an evening do would be too much for them.
How about having lunch that day with them instead.

Also can't understand people saying that it may not be their idea of a good night out.

I cross posted and said exactly that.

If I'm invited to a party and didn't happen to like the venue or theme, I wouldn't go.

A friend had a fancy dress party for her 40th and I just CBA with it all. Not really my thing.

Big birthdays aren’t special to anyone but the person celebrating.
That is an opinion; they are to me. I see it as an honour to be included in an event to celebrate a loved ones significant date. I know that on MN invites are often seen as pain rather than pleasure which always seems odd to me.
It is hurtful that your PIL are not prioritising such a big birthday of the person who has, presumably, brought much happiness to their DS. Did you not invite BIL and family? If not, maybe PIL thought you should, and are trying to make a point? Especially if BIL is the favoured child.
Don’t let their thoughtless behaviour spoil your celebrations. DH will see it as a slight to him as well I guess, so let’s hope BIL will be on hand to help PIL should needs arise in the future. You and DH can make sure you have already made commitments...

You'd enjoy it better without them.

I wonder if BIL suddenly decided that they were baby sitting on that night because its your party, not beause it was a coincidentally pre booked thing (who books dinner out 8 weeks in advance?!). Is he really favoured or just a spoilt brat who cant stand anyone else getting any attention and they appease him?

And do they ever get asked if they are babysitting or does he just tell them?

YANBU, it’s mean of them and BIL not to come. But there’s not much you can do about it. I think a 50th is a big deal, have a lovely time.

They didnt know they were babysitting for BIL on that date til they mentioned the party??

If they wanted to come they would. They could easily say we've been invited to DILS 50th birthday party.

It's an easy get out for them. Loud music in a bar and noise in general isn't something the majority of older folk appreciate.

Or have you hired a private room at the venue.

I personally wouldn't do my birthday in a bar expect my parents to enjoy that setting.