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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU 13 year old son no mobile in bedroom

100 replies

mrshoho · 22/01/2020 22:29

Been told I'm the worst mum ever and that no one else he knows is not allowed to have their phone at bedtime. He's really pushing it and dh just went in and yelled at him as he was stomping about. DH has to be up at 5.45 am everyday. Getting fed up of this battle but I know he's shattered and needs to sleep. My Son is waffling on how unfair his life is blah blah blah. I've told him to read or listen to the radio. What happens with your teens?

OP posts:
belay · 22/01/2020 22:58

Look in the phone's Settings.
You can use the "digital balance" setting on the phone. It greys out all the apps at whatever time you set it to.
Our Ds is 13 and his goes off at 8.40 until 6 am next day. There is also a free App called Datally, which cuts off 4G at set times.
Simple 😊

SweetMarmalade · 22/01/2020 23:04

Ds (13) phone/iPad are taken downstairs at bedtime and charged overnight. He does try to argue the point at times, tells me he won’t go on it through the night, we have a healthy debate Grin but those are the rules. Too tempting to reach for devices in the night if he wakes, which he tells me he does quite often, especially when he’s grumpy on a School morning Hmm so I’m with you OP!

BronteSisters · 22/01/2020 23:06

My 13 year old is allowed hers but only because she has amazing self control and is far more responsible and mature than I ever was (and am, seeing that even as an adult I still can't make myself go to bed at a reasonable, sensible hour if there's a decent box set I'm binge watching Blush). She will put herself to bed at a decent time and knows to put the phone down. However, if she changes and begins to mess with her phone at night then the rules will change. Phones and other electronics will be out the room in a heartbeat and I won't feel an ounce of guilt about it.

Original poster
mrshoho · 22/01/2020 23:20

I'm sorry now that we didnt put those parental controls where you can shut down wifi and 4g when he first got the phone. He's only started pushing it over the last month and it is draining 😣 Did have to hide a smirk when he said 'Even Tony the cleverest best behaved boy in his school has his phone in bed'

OP posts:
SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 22/01/2020 23:22

Google family shuts down the phone from 8pm - 7am. I can also block apps, and whatever else I feel like if DS is pushing his luck.

Tough shit. If he kicks off, then bedtime gets earlier the following evening.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/01/2020 23:23

Going slightly off on a tangent, do people leave their phones charging overnight?

SweetMarmalade · 22/01/2020 23:25

@mrshoho Grin bloody Tony!!

SweetMarmalade · 22/01/2020 23:26

@ineedaholidaynow yes, phones get charged overnight.

MazDazzle · 22/01/2020 23:29

No gadgets (TV, consoles, phones, iPads etc) are allowed upstairs at all. They stay downstairs all the time. We have a kitchen, family room and sitting room downstairs where they can have screen time.

My friend did this with her teens, and I’ve followed suit. It works well for us.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 22/01/2020 23:32

@ineedaholidaynow no, I don't like anything charging overnight. I only have genuine chargers, but don't like leaving them switched on all night. Was ages ago, but once a mobile charger has caught fire in your flatmates bedroom, you tend to be a bit cautious.

DollyDaydreamss · 22/01/2020 23:34

I remove iPad and phone at bedtime and they stay in the games room until the morning l.
I've always done this though so it's his normal. I'd like them removed at 9pm but this is pushed to 9.30 a lot

SophieSong · 22/01/2020 23:39

Another here - 13 year old, phone goes off and stays downstairs at bedtime. He is also aware of the potential of a wi-fi password withhold if needs be!!

SpiderHunter · 22/01/2020 23:49

Give him a choice. He can have the phone 7am - 9pm each day, or not at all. When he whines about giving it up answer "so you'd rather not have the phone at all" every single time. Bore him in to submission.

And never, ever give in to "but everyone else...". It doesn't matter what "everyone else" is doing - you set the rules you are comfortable with and keep your child safe and healthy. Currently the argument is about having his phone in bed, soon it will be staying out til 11pm on a school night, drinking underage, etc. Teens are masters of manipulation and if he senses that this is your weakness he will be using it forever.

SpiderHunter · 22/01/2020 23:52

do people leave their phones charging overnight?

Yes. Provided you have a genuine charger and leave it in the open air (rather than under a pillow) the risk is minimal.

namechangingtime · 22/01/2020 23:56

Mine is too young to have a phone yet, but I got my first phone ten years ago, and I was never limited on it. The rules were mum could look at it anytime she wanted and no Facebook until I was 13. I stuck to that, and I was rubbish with monitoring my usage for a while, but knowing I had to get up for school the next day regardless of how much sleep I'd had did make me more careful with what time I put it down. I can't imagine taking her phone off of her, as I'd have hated having mine taken away. All my friends were allowed theirs whenever they wanted too, only one has been badly affected because she dated a guy who was nocturnal so she switched to sleeping in the day too (she'd left school but wasn't working at this point) and two years later she's still not switched herself back.

PickAChew · 22/01/2020 23:58

Phones charging overnight are a fire risk. I charge at mealtimes.

MildlyMiserable · 22/01/2020 23:59

No electronics in bedrooms here, mine or my sons.
Reading or sleeping, he sleeps every time he goes in there - even if he was supposed to put away his washing 🤦‍♀️

PickAChew · 23/01/2020 00:00

And many no longer provide "genuine" chargers.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 23/01/2020 00:14

Hate to tell people this, but plenty of 'genuine' chargers can still be fake

Amiable · 23/01/2020 00:17

13 year old DD has to bring her phone and laptop down at 9.30. We had a few arguments at first, but as that resulted in her not having a phone at all the following day, she soon realised she was better off following the rules!

SpiderHunter · 23/01/2020 00:18

plenty of 'genuine' chargers can still be fake

Depends how you define "genuine" I suppose. Mine came with my phone so I'm happy that it is genuine enough.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 23/01/2020 00:36

Mine have them but I shut them down remotely and leave the music app open.

Purpleartichoke · 23/01/2020 00:53

Kid phone is charged in the main living area. Also have parental controls disabling most phone functionality from bedtime to an acceptable morning time.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 23/01/2020 01:01

That's a load of crap. ignore him Grin
Even if it may be hard.
I have a 12 year old. he has a phone but he has to hand it over 8.30/9pm tops and if he still wants to stay up for half an hour longer, hot chocolate and book.
As for nearly 17 year old he still has to charge his downstairs when he goes to bed otherwise no doubt there'd be Snapchat or whatever bollocks pinging lol

CadburysTastesVileNow · 23/01/2020 06:23

Can I ask about Netflix? Do you allow your 13 year olds to have it on their phone /in room, and how do you control or police it?