About this wedding invitation?

[thisismynewpantsname]

My partner and I broke up after 6 years together. After some time apart we have reconciled and we are working on rebuilding our relationship slowly. We aren't planning to live together again for the time being but we are going to family occasions together and very much back "on".

A very close (in relational terms, not in emotional connection/closeness terms) family member is getting married in July. I have just received the wedding invitation. DP is not invited.

I'm really hurt. DP and close family member obviously knew each other well and got on fine.

AIBU to be hurt by this? I'm dreading telling DP. I know I'd be upset in his shoes although he will probably try to pretend it's no big deal.

Do they know you are "back on" and what were the circumstances of your split?

There are two reasons right there he might not be invited.

Tbh as someone planning a wedding I wouldn't want to waste money on someone who has only just got back together with a relative. It's a lot of money and also a way off, I would be waiting for them to split again..

You broke up. The wedding isn't till July. You're not living together again, although you're currently back on.
Your relative isn't convinced its going to last. Or is maybe upset ....why did you break up? Could that vhave anything to do with it?

So she’s not even that close to you, but you’re expecting her to invite a partner you may or may not be living with by July to her wedding? Does she even know that you’re (very tentatively) back together?

I think you just need to accept that it’s awkward for your relative and, rather than invite someone she isn’t close to and who isn’t guaranteed to be around by the summer, she’s gone for an individual invitation instead.

Why are you dreading telling your DP?

She's not that close to you - why should she bother with your on-off partner who isn't even living with you? I wouldn't want other people's random plus-ones in my wedding photos.
Or to be forking for their dinners when I could invite my own friends.
If you can't manage on your own for one afternoon and evening, then decline the invitation. I can't imagine that your boyfriend - he's not really been reinstated as partner - will be upset at not being invited. Most men would run a mile rather than attend a wedding.

Yes they know we have reconciled, we have been at other family events together.

We broke up because we were arguing a lot. My DC have some special needs and DP and I were both taking our stress out on each other rather than supporting each other. We're going for counselling and are working at our relationship.

If it makes any difference to this, said family member who is getting married has within the last 12 months cried down the phone to a shared relative, saying she feels as though said shared relative "prefers Mynewpantsname" to her.

I'm now wondering if it's a bit of a way to be a bit mean to me but perhaps I'm overthinking things.

Yes, you are. You don’t live together. You’re only recently back together. Who knows who you’ll both be with in a few months.

We’re not on - off nor is he a random person. They have known him for six years. This isn’t someone I’ve randomly shacked up with or someone with whom I’ve had a very on and off or volatile relationship. Things got too much for us, we parted for a couple of months and now we’re back together.

Budgetary issues won’t be the driving factor; our shared family member is paying for the entire wedding and the budget is very generous. Think £5k dress and budget of 10x that amount. I’d have happily paid for DP’s place if that was the issue anyway.

Perhaps they just don’t think we’ll last, which is sad really.

Why don't you just ask your sister why she hasn't invited your DP to the wedding?

Sounds like you don't really like each other. Don't go to the wedding. I wouldn't.

“ Why don't you just ask your sister why she hasn't invited your DP to the wedding?”

This! Just ask! Use your words!! Arrrgh

I’m sure she has enough to think about organising a huge big massive wedding without using the invitations to settle old scores. And what she may or may not have got upset with ‘shared relative’ about in the past is none of your business and the relative shouldn’t have shared it with you, it’s just caused unnecessary drama and bad feeling.

You're right, perhaps I'll just ask why I haven't been given a plus one.

As someone who has been in your situation I wouldn't have expected an invite for DP.

DH and I had been "back together" for a few months before a family members wedding. I'd been in the picture a decade. But yeah, didn't expect and invite. It's weird because I get on well with this family member and everyone forgets I didn't go to the wedding. Even DH!!

It always puzzles me why people belief they are entitied to go to other people’s weddings.

I have a relative who threw a pick for brocade he wasn’t invited to a family wedding. He had never met the bride or groom yet believed he was entitled to
Attend.

Maybe they don’t like your dp? Maybe they have no feelings for him either way and would ad would rather invite someone closer.

But don’t turn it into a big thing

Could it be when you split that you said negative things about him and they're now taking the moral high ground?

You’ve said it yourself! “You’ve has a very on again, off again relationship “. Why should she muck around spending money on that! Just please do yourself a favour and end it for good. It won’t be a happy partnership long term.

@yeahnah2020 I'm sorry I don't know where you're reading that from but I haven't said that once.

Maybe she thinks she's helping you out and that you would like to go without him.
It's not a straightforward situation. I wouldn't be offended it may be an innocent mistake. But do ask her. Then you'll know

Just decline the invitation then neither of you will be going. Doesn't sound as if you like your sister very much anyway.

Is the invite just for you? No kids? Maybe she's hoping your oh will babysit his kids?

Yeah it's a no kids wedding. Other family members who have kids have both been invited, both parents.

I'm going to ask her anyway, thanks all.

We do like each other but there have been instances of jealousy I think. I'm the youngest, she's middle child. I'm also the only family member not in the main wedding party. I tried to be reasonable about that and haven't caused any fuss but this just felt like a bit of a kick.

Yabu. You just got back together, dont live together and sounds of it may may not be together in july. Anyone organising the wedding wouldnt invite a partner in similar situation. If you close to family member ask but honestly why would you invite him.

My eldest DB got married when I was about 23. I’d been with exBF for 4 years, broke up for a month and we were ‘reconciling’.

DB sent the invite to ‘Goat and friend’ with a bit of a tongue in cheek hint that he wasn’t sure if exBF and I would go the distance. Despite being ‘with’ exBF around the time of the wedding, I took a female friend as my plus one because my sister jokingly suggested it would be a bit shit if my DBro had exBF in all the family wedding pics if he didn’t stay!

Turns out my siblings were more on the ball than I was and exBF and I did not live happily ever after. And I’m relieved that his little bearded face is not peering at me from the innards of the Goat family photo album....

Budgetary issues won’t be the driving factor; our shared family member is paying for the entire wedding and the budget is very generous. Think £5k dress and budget of 10x that amount. I’d have happily paid for DP’s place if that was the issue anyway.

That's not how it works