About this wedding invitation?

[thisismynewpantsname]

My partner and I broke up after 6 years together. After some time apart we have reconciled and we are working on rebuilding our relationship slowly. We aren't planning to live together again for the time being but we are going to family occasions together and very much back "on".

A very close (in relational terms, not in emotional connection/closeness terms) family member is getting married in July. I have just received the wedding invitation. DP is not invited.

I'm really hurt. DP and close family member obviously knew each other well and got on fine.

AIBU to be hurt by this? I'm dreading telling DP. I know I'd be upset in his shoes although he will probably try to pretend it's no big deal.

They may well have limited numbers. Being family doesn't automatically entitle you to a plus one, especially if there's a good chance there'll be an empty seat on the day. Their wedding their choice.

If you're that bothered just decline the invitation.

The best thing to do is call (not text) and say you were pleased to get the lovely invitation, just wondered why she didn't want DP to come.

Just ask her nicely, "please can I bring a plus one?" Let us know what she said.

If you do contact her to complain your DP isn't invited to be prepared for her to un-invite you.

my sister has #randombloke in all her family wedding photos after a situation similar to this. Cousin had been with #bloke for a few years but with some ups and down. He was invited to the wedding and treated as a member of the family in terms of seating and inclusion in photos. a few weeks later they split up and they no longer have anything to do with one another. I think it's a bit annoying that what would be lovely photos of the whole wider family have this bloke in them.

my advice to any couple planning a wedding would be to not invite boyfriends/ girlfriends unless at least "engaged and have set a date and are properly planning" and/or "living together with a joint mortgage" so are properly committed.

and certainly no "plus one" invites. who wants to have someone at their wedding so random that they don't even know who they are?

It might not be about money but capacity instead. Please don't ask. If she wanted your DP there she would have invited him. Anyway, isn't he thrilled to be able to miss Another Boring Wedding? I would be

'I'm dreading telling DP. I know I'd be upset in his shoes although he will probably try to pretend it's no big deal.'

I doubt he'll be 'upset'

It's you that's upset. Given you aren't close to relative in emotional terms etc I'd just accept their decision. You'll obviously be there with close family.

You don't live together and you've been split up during the planning of wedding. I can see their point TBH

I assume this is your sister? Yes I think given the breaking up it might be that.

Not everyone does +1's unless you live together. Families vary. Especially expensive occasions

Could it be that the guest list was decided when you had split up? Even if the budget is unlimited, venue capacity is not.

As you don't live together your DP may have been sent their own invitation.

DP situation aside your sisters a bit of a butch of your the only person not in the wedding party

*bitch

Given that you've been on and off I completely understand why you're sister doesnt want you're dp there especially if you break up again. Given you're the sister you'll be in lots of group photos and she doesnt want you're dp in them if later down the road you split up again.

:517yo7yo

DP situation aside your sisters a bit of a bitch of your the only person not in the wedding party

How is she shes entitled to pick who she wants, I was the only one not in my dbro2 wedding party and dbro1 only had me as BM and didnt have Dbro2. I had both at the insistence of my dm but it's completely down to personal choice.

@7yo7yo she said they're not close so why should she be part of the wedding party?

She probably didn't know what to do. She probably thinks you're "rocky" and doesn't want the awkwardness at her wedding.

@AdachiOljulo yes because only people not engaged or who share a mortgage ever split up 🤦

How long have you been back together @thisismynewpantsname ?

Only one in the family not to be part of the wedding party??
And chaos your brothers don’t sound great either.

FFS I hate this. All my cousin's (who I am not close with) kicked off because I didn't give them all plus ones. I have 6 cousins on that side and one of them is married (we've met the husband several times so he was invited) so that would have been 5 additional people I hardly knew at my wedding and my numbers were already maxed at 100.
You always hear "oh well I would have paid for them if I knew it was a problem" but then if you tell people how much it is per person, they usually kick off/complain/tell everyone else how overpriced your wedding is/try and get the price down etc.

I hope you do follow the good advice on here and ask your sister, it will save years of potential tension and resentment.

I wouldn't care and my DH wouldn't care - weddings of family or friends of your partner tend to be a bit crap - unless it is a close friend or your own family Wedding then I can't be bothered to go - I've sent DH off to Weddings on his own and i've flown to other Countries and attended friends weddings without DH!

We don't have to do everything together -I don't see the big deal at all - just go and enjoy the day out on your own with your fam!

Just call her and say ‘thank you for the lovely invite , I can’t wait , is DP invited ?’ . Sorted :) my friend invited just me to her big Asian wedding and then when we were talking about the wedding she said ‘oh your DH needs to wear traditional clothing too if that’s ok’ and I was like ‘oh I wasn’t sure if he was invited!’ And she said he was but she just addressed it to me. No harm in asking x

Surely if you're invited to the wedding you ARE part of the wedding Party? Or is this a secret 'after party' party that goes on that I've never heard about??.

We've been back together since April. Broke up last January.