About this wedding invitation?

[thisismynewpantsname]

My partner and I broke up after 6 years together. After some time apart we have reconciled and we are working on rebuilding our relationship slowly. We aren't planning to live together again for the time being but we are going to family occasions together and very much back "on".

A very close (in relational terms, not in emotional connection/closeness terms) family member is getting married in July. I have just received the wedding invitation. DP is not invited.

I'm really hurt. DP and close family member obviously knew each other well and got on fine.

AIBU to be hurt by this? I'm dreading telling DP. I know I'd be upset in his shoes although he will probably try to pretend it's no big deal.

You've been back together for 10 months and although not living together you have dc together so it puts a different slant on things IMO. It's not a casual boyfriend.

There must be a reason she doesn't want him there.

Although as your DSis hasn't invited nieces and nephews I'm guessing at least he can have them whilst you go.

I don't consider someone that you're not living with a partner, they're just a boyfriend. We only invited partners to our wedding, relatives included.

How very narrow minded. There are lots of reasons why couples might not live together. It doesn't mean that they are "less" committed than a warring married couple who are only together due to kids and mortgage!

I'd take it that the bride doesn't want him there.

Please don't ask, that's really awkward.

Just enjoy some time away, at least it's family so you will know everyone.

I don't consider someone that you're not living with a partner, they're just a boyfriend. We only invited partners to our wedding, relatives included. so living together is a greater commitment than children? Riiiight.

As a sister, it's sometimes very difficult to see your sibling go through hell with a partner, and then pretend it's fine when they reconcile.

I think you’re getting a bit of a roasting on here tbh. I would also be upset in the same situation. Fair enough if it were a more distant relative but she’s your sister. It doesn’t sound like he’s done anything to deserve the snub. It’s really unkind behaviour on her part and my parents would never allow me to get away with that.

I may have missed it, but how do you know you definitely are not being given a 'plus one'? Doesn't everyone get a plus one? Very mean to expect someone to come to a wedding on their own.

If he was invited how would you sort out childcare? Would you then be insisting the children come too?

It's possible that since you aren't living together they see him as being less involved - he wants the relationship but can't deal with family life so lives apart. How involved is he in general day to day family life? How much do you share with your family about your relationship and the difficulties of running two households?

Do they assume he's not going to be bothered about the wedding and it will be easier for you if he stays at home looking after his children?

Does he get on with your family? My family only let me know how much they disliked my ex after we split up - he was hard work sometimes and very lively. I thought of him as being extroverted whilst they saw him as an attention seeker that talked over other people and showed no interest in others.

I think you are making a bit of a fuss about not being at the top table in the bridal party considering you give the impression that you don't always get on with your sister. I think it's a bit sad you feel unable to enjoy the event without your boyfriend/partner there.

It's your sister's wedding. I think you need to be careful about not giving the impression you are jealous of the attention she is receiving and making a big deal about this. People remember this stuff for years. I think letting them know you are hurt he's not invited is acceptable but asking for a plus one isn't.

Very mean to expect someone to come to a wedding on their own.

What?

@QueSera absolutely not! Everyone definitely does not get a plus one. I've been a weddings planner for over 10 years.
How is OP going alone? It's a family do so she'll be surrounded by family friends and relatives. Weddings are expensive enough without adding in everyone you have invited and their partner/friend/stranger off the street. You invite the people you know and love and try to maximise everyone's enjoyment. For example, sometimes that means not inviting your mates boyfriend cos he's usually a bit of a dick and you don't want him ruining the day.
In this case the B&G have decided not to invite OPs DP. We don't know their reason, OP doesn't know the reason. Maybe they don't think it'll last, maybe they don't like him, who knows. But very entitled to assume you get a plus one

Don't ask if you can bring a plus one. Ask if you can bring your (named) partner. Big difference.

Very mean to expect someone to come to a wedding on their own

Why?

Maybe family member has decided they don’t particularly like DP? Or they never did and kept it quiet so as to not upset you? Maybe they are restricted with numbers? Whatever the reason, your DP hasn’t been invited and that’s family members prerogative.

my Cousin’s ex wife is in all the family pictures at his sisters (cousin B) wedding. cousin a’s marriage lasted a year. cousin A’s now ex wife wore a white gown cousin b’s wedding. My aunt hates the ex wife much she refuses to put any of the group family photos up in the house😂.

“I'll have no hesitation at leaving her the only one out of the wedding party and with no plus one at my wedding though 😂“

Oh for goodness sake 🙄 says it all ...

I think it's reasonable on their part. You aren't married and you recently broke up. Why not just enjoy the wedding and be there for your friend?