To be annoyed at this sexist car salesman

[PrettyTricky]

Am irrationally annoyed with a car salesman tonight. Went car shopping and DP came with me. Have fancied a certain model for a while and was in the showroom looking at it.

Salesman wandered over and shook hands with both of us, then proceeded to entirely ignore me, but give my fiancé the hard sell.
DP was non commital and repeatedly pointed out the car is for me, not him. Not to be put off, the salesman continued to talk entirely to him about various financial options, all the while I may as well be on the Moon. He then turned to me, and I kid you not, said
"I won't bore you with the figures love, which colours do you like?"

I'm so annoyed with myself for not telling him exactly what I thought of his attitude at the time, as if I'm incapable of understanding finance options and negotiating for myself. DP was similarly disgusted and we left. I've now been put off that car altogether too.

It's 2020 for goodness sake, is this still the sort of shit we should still be tolerating?

@DukeChatsworth I had the exact same thing with a window company! Went elsewhere.

I bought a new car in September - and traded one in. Took (16 year old) ds with me, but the first time DH saw it was when I brought it home. I knew what I wanted, told them what I wanted and they got on with it. No messing around or sexism. And they did talk to me, not ds, although did ask him if he would be driving it too once he passed his test.

However, the garage where we get our cars serviced can be annoying but whether that's sexism or just not listening I don't know. I take car in, tell them I'm at home 5 mins' walk around the corner, so call on the landline when it's ready, they also take my mobile no - and then call DH at work.

I had the exact same thing with a window company! Went elsewhere

They claim that if your partner isn't there you'll change your mind. Whether it's that, or a healthy dose of sexism, who knows?

As for the insurance coming through in DH's name - that could be the way their systems are set up if in both names, but our home insurance actually comes addressed to Mrs A and Mr B Cologne, and not the other way round, as I arranged it. So it is possible.

What a bizarre question to ask somebody. Did it make you feel slightly superior to all of those women who need their DH to help them

I didn't just ask it out the blue. He made a comment initially that it was unusual and I was interested and asked him. So no it didn't make me feel superior. . And as for how would he know, it may not be the same at every garage but these ones were flipping nosy. Asked me if I was married, asked what I did for a job. I wasn't having finance so nothing to do with that.

Whilst most of this is blatant sexism, I've worked in sales (though not specifically cars) and it's pretty common in the training to find out who exactly is buying the car (and who is paying for it) - this includes finding out if there's a spouse and the likelihood that it's being paid for by joint finances. No salesperson wants to spend a long time getting to the close only to find 'oh I'll have to check with my husband' or worse, husband comes back after purchase wanting a refund because wife (or vice versa) got the 'wrong' one. This applies to all big ticket purchases, we were told a few years ago that people often tried to 'wriggle out of a closed deal' (hate that term!) by pleading they were coerced when they were alone and it should have been a joint decision.

I don't miss sales

Not a dealership but my dad had left his car into a garage and agreed a price. He was working late so left the cash with me and asked me to pick it it.

Went to the garage and one of the guys there tried to argue with me that it was £100 more because of x y z. After 5 minutes of being patronised I said OK "I'll ring my dad and check" to which he replied "I was only joking love don't get your Knickers in a twist"

I honestly think if I hadn't of said that I'd to check with my dad he would have ripped me off.

I bet some of the ones saying they’ll not let you drive it etc till you’ve got your husband is so you can’t say ‘I just need to talk it over with my husband’ as a way of getting away. They’re sneaky.

And sexist!!! I’m not saying that most of these posts aren’t majorly sexist.

I had this aswell a few times. Also had one guy completely bewildered that I couldn't have given a shite what colour the car was, I had picked the model I needed and just wanted the best deal.

Well OP, this is pretty funny, but so annoying too! I get treated like this all the time- it’s so annoying. eg) when I told an estate agent my DH and I were moving abroad, she asked if it was for my DH’s work. We were moving for my work! When I was on mat leave, I went into work with my baby. I was asked by a man in the lift if we were visiting ‘daddy’s work’. I replied, ‘no, we’re visiting mummy’s work!’ Men often ask me what my husband does for a living, almost never ask me what I do for a living. I feel like men patronise me almost every day and treat me like a child. I am nearly 40. It’s so so so frustrating.

When I bought my last car about 6 years ago, my husband had to say a few times, “it’s nothing to do with me, she is buying” as they were directing all the questions and info to him. As he was very clear and I was also very clear about what I wanted, I was paying cash etc, they soon got the message and dealt with me. I did the test drive. When I did the deal, Husband was outside entertaining our pre schooler.

I think I would have had to say something in your scenario OP.

I have a great garage near work who are fairly priced, explain things properly and treat everyone like they have a brain. In no scenario would they have phoned my husband as they only have my contact details. They are up for sale currently and I am not looking forward to trying to find another garage who are anything like as good.

When I went to get my first car, I said to the salesman that it had to be 4 door and at least a 1.6. He offered me a 2 door 1 litre shit heap. I asked him what part of what I had said was beyond his understanding. He then showed me a decent car. I got in to test drive and he asked my husband if he was coming along. Husband replied that as long as the car had a passenger seat in the front, he had no need to test drive it. He took the DC to look at the ducks while I did the test drive.

I've told more than one salesman or mechanic where to go in that kind of situation.

When I was younger, I had a few cars you’d describe as a sports car. The Audi garages were completely unable to grasp that I was the owner of the car, I was paying for the service and the tyres and DH had nothing to do with it, other than giving me a lift home whilst it was serviced.

More recently, the local garage’s different treatment of DH and me, was so different, I sold the car. They didn’t want to sell me a car, the service staff were rude, kept me waiting, once for two hours and generally treated me as though I knew nothing at all. Because it’s local, several neighbours had the same brand. None of us do now. All the females have had the same treatment and all the females are the ones buying and maintaining the car.

Good and bad here. My dad wanted to buy DD a car. Suggested a Kia so we went to the dealership to make sure all her instruments fitted in and she could see out as she's very petite. The salesman was absolutely lovely, spoke mostly to DD and was professional and kind. We bought a s/h model from him and when it goes in for service, even if I take it, he always asks after her.

I wanted to change my car. I play the double bass and it's on a trolley that converts into its stool so it's quite awkward to transport. In my previous car, it all slid in along with DD's cello, the other DD's violin, a viola, concert clothes and music stands plus all 4 of us. So I always take the bass with me plus an empty rigid cello case. Most garages try to be helpful, show me how to collapse seats etc and tell me to get them if I need assistance. The Nissan garage in Exeter simply laughed at me when I went in. "Nobody wants cars that take that. Play the flute instead and get your husband to get a van" said idiot salesman. My response was: "oh, I believe that even in Japan people play the double bass. Do you not cater for them then? And what my husband drives it his business so thanks for nothing." I will never buy a Nissan from them.

Not about car salesmen but service at the accountants.
I asked our accountant to check on my NI contributions for pension purposes.
My DH received a letter stating ' This is your wife's NI record. To say I was furious was putting it mildly. I passed it onto the chief accountant who was also furious and heads rolled

I’m lucky in that I don’t seem to really have been subjected to anything as bad as some of the shite you are all dealing with above..

Reading these makes my blood boil - but it’s clear we need to stand up for ourselves more. No point being enraged in hindsight, or just taking business elsewhere, these bastards still living in the pasty need to be called out on these comments - there and then - and to management. All very well me saying this now, I know it’s different on the spot, but they’ll not learn otherwise..

Christ even my own Dad and my Boss make my blood boil by referring to other grown ass women, who would actually eat them for breakfast, as “clever girls”. 😡

I would write to the showroom to let them know

I had this when I bought my first car, took my dad with me and found one I liked, went into the office to sort the details out, and then they guy proceeded to explain everything to my dad like I was stupid, even though I was the one paying. The car got damaged whilst at the dealership from a break in and the owner even went as far as to ring my dad (had his number from a previous sale) instead of me about the progress of my own car, and on the one occasion he rung me he asked to speak to my dad, wtf!

I HATE stuff like this. It happened to me too. I was part-x-ing my car to get a new one and the salesman tried knocking ten grand of the PX value to see if I would accept it. I laughed it his face. I was incensed he thought, as I was female, I wouldn’t know my car’s value.

I had a similar experience at the latest car showroom when my car had to be brought back for multiple issues. My husband, who’d given me a lift so I could drop the car off, was exclusively addressed about MY car’s issues. I was standing there getting more and more annoyed as every question I asked, was answered at my husband. In the end he said “it’s my wife’s car, tell her,” and walked off. I gave the servicing guy a Paddington hard stare.

I race this particular car and driving is part of my profession. 😳

I’m so cross on your behalf.

It's 2020 for goodness sake, is this still the sort of shit we should still be tolerating?

Same thing happened to me mid 8Os. I took my fiancé (now husband) with me to buy a car with a small windfall I'd happily acquired so I was a cash buyer. Despite DH repeating that it was my car and my money the salesman could simply not bring himself to hold ensuing discussions with me. It was like he wasn't hearing it. Eventually DH said he'd go wait outside while I made my decisions, which sent the salesman into a tailspin. He really couldn't cope with a woman, who looked barely 20, buying a car. On her own. Without requirement for finance. I did buy the car as I liked it and it was a good deal. Also, I could see the effort he made to steel himself and not flinch when I took it out for a test drive.

I think I might be part of the problem rather than the solution. I have absolutely no interest in cars, so when we go to buy them I take no part in the process other than checking that the drivers seat is comfortable. I don't even care what colour it is. I found that at BMW the salesman kept trying to draw me into the conversation, until I said I would just go and have a coffee and a cake. (I will point out here that I have taught Engineering in a RG university for nearly 30 years, I'm not uninformed or uninterested in tech things, just not cars). Cars are just things that get you and your stuff from A to B.
However, I will never have another Audi because the women in their service department treated me with utter contempt, in contrast to their fawning over DH. We had a Skoda next (for reasons of more mph per £, apparently) and they could not have been more consistently charming at every encounter.

OP the only thing you did wrong was lame yourself:
Am irrationally annoyed with a car salesman tonight.

You weren't irrationally annoyed, it was perfectly rational.

I refuse to deal with dealers who treat me like that.

Would definitely get back in touch with the garage and complain – it's not too late just because you didn't have a comeback in the moment. Shit like this REALLY should not fly.

"I won't bore you with the figures love, which colours do you like?"

Oh my life, what a Pollock 😂😂😂

I get this when looking around houses with DP. The house is being paid for but they always talk to him because he's a man and we've a big age gap. I actually earn more than him 😂

Pollock or pillock

I've had plenty of this in England when I was buying a house on my own.

My worst experience was renting a car in Oman (a lovely country though would throughly recommend it). Anyway the man working at the car hire place in the airport wouldn't talk to me. Was travelling with DF. I had booked and was paying for the car and DF driving.

I would ask him questions and he would respond to DF. The car was really delayed so this went in for a couple of hours as we kept chasing it up whilst waiting at the airport. If DF didn't go to the desk with me he would blank me.

To pay I had to put my bank card on the desk and he grudgingly picked it up ( refused to take it direct from me). Put it in the machine and passed it to DF to put in the pin. DF passed it to me and I put it back on the table. Card taken out and passed back to DF to pass to me.

I fully appreciate that there are religious beliefs that affect such interactions ( don't approve but I was in another country so respectful) but why have a public facing job in an international airport?