To ask Mother not to drink on our Holiday

[wheresyourvegat]

As title asks..

Bit of history, DM is a functioning alcoholic and has been for over 10 Years. During the day she leads a normal life - good job, nice little apartment, great relationships with colleagues.etc.
Past 6pm once she's home, she's so intoxicated she can barely string a sentence together. Most Weekends from Midday too.
I've done everything in my power to help her, and am currently the only member of our very large family in contact with her.
She has a big birthday approaching and as a treat has booked a mini break for Me, Her and my DC (currently 24 weeks pregnant with DC2).
I'm already filled with dread that she will secretly drink once my DC is in bed and it's just us up, the Mini break is in a remote location so we'll be in most evenings.

So, my question is - AIBU to outright ask my Alcoholic DM not to drink on our upcoming mini break? I honestly can't praise her enough when she's sober But I can't bear the thought of being stuck in a cottage with her for 4 Nights whilst she pretends to be sober.

Honestly I think you either need to cancel or go and accept she is going to drink. My dad was an alcoholic and my life was much easier once I accepted I couldn't change him, he was never going to do it himself and that every time I saw him he would be drinking. The last few years of his life was the best relationship we had, because I had given up trying to convince him to stop and I just avoided situations where he would get to the angry stage of intoxication. He never spent a moment alone with my son.
If you haven't already done so, I would recommend al-anon as it really helped me

She can't not drink for 4 days

I think you'll need to go to bed early on the hol OP. And sure what harm, you're pregnant with a DC so you'll be tired. Early night, bit of netflix and DM can do as she pleases on her own

I’ll come with you and we’ll have fun in the daytime but in the evenings, once you start to slur and make no sense you are on your own

^ That is an excellent idea and one will I try with my alcoholic friend, who wants me to go away with her for a big birthday this summer.

Highly dangerous. She will have DTs.

I don't think you can ask that of her (and my dad can be the same).

You could ask her but she probably won't be able to not drink. X

No you can't really say or ask that.
But I would go.
Take your own car if you think you might want to return early.
You might really enjoy it and have a treasured memory of time with your mum.

@Anniecott- dealing with dementia AND alcoholism in your parents- I take my hat off to you. Just dementia in my dad and managing it for 5 years nearly drove me to a breakdown. Not surprised you are NC now. You did all you could.

She won’t sadly
So
Either accept or bail

I totally appreciate other posters experiences. But I'm the child of an alcoholic mother- who died of an alcoholic related disease at 59. However she could and did often go a few nights without drinking when she had too- for example when my grandmother was seriously ill and she was looking after her or when she had someone staying.

Its not accurate that alcoholics drink to excess every night or even drink at all every day. They might be a bit shakey on none drinking days but you wouldn't notice in my mum unless you were looking for the signs.

OP says that her mum doesn't drink to excess in front of her. So I think they should go. We went on a family holiday not long before my mums last illness and she was fine until an hour or so after dinner and then we left her to her drinking in her room.