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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex sister-in-law’s wedding invitation

58 replies

EWAB · 21/01/2020 16:20

My brother and his now ex wife are the Godparents of my eldest son who is now at university.
My son has now been invited to her wedding with the man she left my brother for. My son is going.
ABU to feel really weird about it?

OP posts:
AgnusandMagnus · 21/01/2020 16:24

I'm sure it does feel a bit strange but your son clearly feels close to her and has decided to go. I'd be as supportive as possible. Everyone doesn't have to resort to some sort of tribalism when a marriage breaks down even if from an affair.

LeaderBee · 21/01/2020 16:24

He's been invited, he's accepted, it's none of your business if he wants to go.

apacketofcrisps · 21/01/2020 16:24

Why does it make you feel weird? You presumably chose her to be his gm?

NearlyGranny · 21/01/2020 16:25

Not BU at all - it is a weird situation - but your DS has made his choice, so he doesn't need to know how you're feeling about it

KC225 · 21/01/2020 16:25

I think it's a nice gesture. But understand your loyalty to your brothers as it's a wedding to the 'other man'

Drum2018 · 21/01/2020 16:27

I gather they still have a relationship so it's up to him if he wants to go. It would be weird if she hadn't been in contact with your son since the separation with your brother.

Original poster
EWAB · 21/01/2020 16:31

I only asked her as I thought it would be weird as I asked my brother. My son hasn’t seen her in years but she always sent money for birthdays and Christmas.
My brother had moved on, has a second family and incidentally didn’t invite my son to his second wedding.

Can’t explain why I feel the way I do but I do feel weird.

OP posts:
laudete · 21/01/2020 16:44

It's not weird. His godmother didn't divorce him; she divorced your brother. Be glad that he still has a good relationship with his godmother.

bumpertobumper · 21/01/2020 16:44

Did your brother and the ex have children? If so is your son friends with his cousins? This would be a good reason to go.
Have you spoken to ds about it? Can't see a problem if he wants to go. But maybe he hasn't yet figured out that it's, as MN says, an invitation not a summons and he accepted to be polite rather than really wanting g to go ( esp if he won't know anyone there).

EmeraldShamrock · 21/01/2020 16:46

If she has always kept up contact on Birthdays etc I don't see the problem.
His relationship with her is separate to the divorce.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/01/2020 16:48

I can see how it would feel awkward, in the circumstances.

HillAreas · 21/01/2020 16:52

Could it be making you feel weird because your brother, godfather and uncle of your son, didn’t feel the relationship was important enough to include him in his wedding and yet his ex wife apparently does feel it’s important enough?

katy1213 · 21/01/2020 16:55

She sounds nicer than your brother?

MommaJP · 21/01/2020 16:58

Did you day your brother had remarried and didn't invite him?

The fact she stays in contact with cards etc is massively important she obviously cares about him, more people that care about your son is lovely.

Kn0ckOnTheDoor · 21/01/2020 16:58

she cheated on your brother, not her godson. Also if your brother didnt invite him to his new wedding, yet his godmother remembers him on birthdays/christmas and has invited him then i think its lovely she is still trying and is being his godmother. you chose her. whatever your reasons (i personally chose people from couples with no guilt), you made that choice and shes upholding her end of the bargain.

diddl · 21/01/2020 16:59

She's his Godmother-I think it's nice that she's invited him.

Why didn't your brother invite him to his 2nd wedding?-did he invite you?

MzHz · 21/01/2020 17:02

If she’s his GM and has actively kept in contact, birthdays Christmas etc, then the invitation isn’t as weird as it would be if she were only his former aunt by marriage

Your son clearly thinks it’s ok, and given him is age, I think he’s entitled to make the decision he’s made.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 21/01/2020 17:03

I agree with the last two posts, sounds as if she takes her godparent-ly relationship with your son far more seriously than your own brother does, and that is why you are feeling weird about it? You know in your waters that your brother has not been as good a godparent as she has?

CeibaTree · 21/01/2020 17:04

So your son is going to his godmother's wedding - surely that should be filed under nice, not weird! Maybe this is bringing up feelings you have about your brother's second wedding, the contrast of your son being not being invited to that one?

Purpleartichoke · 21/01/2020 17:10

Your son has his own relationship with his godmother and that shouldn’t have to change just because of divorce.

northernlittledonkey · 21/01/2020 17:12

I don't get the issue. Their marriage broke up years ago, yet she wanted to maintain the relationship as godmother to your son. Sounds like he should go if he'd like to?

AmbitiouslyFit · 21/01/2020 17:13

I think it’s strange m :S

TheTrollFairy · 21/01/2020 17:14

Why didn’t your brother invite your son to his wedding? Is that not weird?

BlingLoving · 21/01/2020 17:15

I think it's actually lovely. She's obviously maintaining her role as godmother and believes that her relationship to him is separate to her relationship to her exDH. I'd be really pleased she didn't ditch him when she ditched your brother.

BlouseAndSkirt · 21/01/2020 17:16

She has stayed committed, sending him money even though he hasn’t seen her.

She has made a generous and inclusive invitation.

I hope your Ds is grateful for his presents, and doesn’t pick up on your awkwardness and think she is weird sending him money.