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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex sister-in-law’s wedding invitation

58 replies

EWAB · 21/01/2020 16:20

My brother and his now ex wife are the Godparents of my eldest son who is now at university.
My son has now been invited to her wedding with the man she left my brother for. My son is going.
ABU to feel really weird about it?

OP posts:

BrokenWing · 21/01/2020 17:18

Assuming she sent the money and gifts for him when he was still a child, why didn't you stop it then if you wanted to make him take sides it felt weird?

She would have bonded with him as an aunt, and it is nice she hasn't forgotten she IS his godmother and she has kept in touch with him through gifts.

Fanniesyeraunt · 21/01/2020 17:19

I think that’s nice of her. I can understand you feeling “weird” but if your son wants to go you shouldn’t make him feel bad about it. He must have some affection for her if he wants to go.

OVienna · 21/01/2020 17:23

I initially eyerolled at the posters who immediately piled in with the "it's none of your business" votes of support but to be honest BrokenWing does have a point. I can see why you feel awkward though. There's the one on one relationship between the two of them and then what feels like a vote of support, very much in public, for a situation that hurt your brother. Why didn't your brother invite him to his wedding? It feels like there is a bit more to the story here.

okiedokieme · 21/01/2020 17:24

I'm very close to my ex sil, if I remarry I will certainly invite her and ask my niece and nephew to be in the wedding, just because her brother left me hasn't stopped our relationship, in fact I see her more if anything

okiedokieme · 21/01/2020 17:24

Ps I would be tempted to invite my ex h as well as we are still good friends, perhaps a bit unusual!

AryaStarkWolf · 21/01/2020 17:25

I would feel weird about it too but it's your sons choice and you did pick her as his God mother

saraclara · 21/01/2020 17:26

It sounds as though your son and ex_SIL have a grown-up attitude to the divorce. I'm impressed that she continued the Godparent relationship throughout.

JingsMahBucket · 21/01/2020 17:31

@okiedokieme same here. I chat with my ex-SIL than my own brother as well.

SittingwithPippa · 21/01/2020 17:38

I think it's rather nice. 'I'm divorced from your uncle but you're still important to me'.

MoaningMinniee · 21/01/2020 17:41

@okiedokieme Last wedding I went to was a second time round... bride's first husband (father of their nearly-grownup children) and his girlfriend were in the front row as part of the wedding party. They really are the most happily divorced couple I have ever known !

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/01/2020 17:41

She's his godmother for life, regardless of who she is married to.

I think it's nice that she has invited your son (her godson). And sorry, but I don't think how you feel about it should make any difference if he wants to go.

Bluerussian · 21/01/2020 17:43

I can imagine how you feel but if, as you say, your brother moved on and now has children, whatever happened must have been quite a while ago when they were all much younger.

It's nice that your ex sister in law always sends to your son for Christmas and birthday and understandable that he wants to go to her wedding. The marriage break up had nowt to do with him and, let's face it, lots of marriages break up especially first ones. Life goes on.

Try not to think about it too much.

Original poster

EWAB · 21/01/2020 17:49

@BrokenWing I remember being surprised that she continued with presents etc after the divorce and did think it was weird. It wasn’t really a case of taking sides because obviously he is my brother so I was always on his side.
They have children but I wouldn’t say that they they were close to my children and this hasn’t informed my son’s decision to go.
My brother had a small second wedding and children (apart from his) weren’t invited (or siblings’ spouses for that matter)!!!
My son wants to go because he does not out of obligation. I was surprised as he hasn’t actually seen her in years. Can’t help but to feel weird but accept there is no logic in my feet.

OP posts:

Original poster

EWAB · 21/01/2020 17:50

feelings!

OP posts:

Lipz · 21/01/2020 17:58

A godparent is for life. They don't stop being part of the child's life because they are divorced. Lots of people have situations like this. It's like asking your best friend to be godmother and 10 years down the line you fall out with her , she's still the child's godmother, she can still keep in contact with the child. It's only because she left your brother that YOU feel weird about the situation. My godparents were a couple, they divorced about 30 years ago, I still go to their events, parties etc and they come to mine with their families now.

diddl · 21/01/2020 17:58

"I remember being surprised that she continued with presents etc after the divorce and did think it was weird."

She's still his Godmother!

ScrambledSmegs · 21/01/2020 18:00

She clearly takes her role as godmother seriously. That's a good thing!

Clangus00 · 21/01/2020 18:01

She was his Auntie as well as his Godmother.
Sorry, but I think it’s awful that his Uncle didn’t invite him to his wedding I couldn’t do that to my nieces or nephews.
Your son is an adult and I find it admirable that he’s going to attend.

jesusandjollof · 21/01/2020 18:03

My Aunt left her husband and he cut all of us (her family) off. I understand that he wanted a clean break but it really hurt us. I considered him as much my family as I do my Auntie, as I'd known them both from birth. So I actually think it's really nice that she was able to separate her decision to leave her husband, from the relationship she had built with your DS.

1forsorrow · 21/01/2020 18:11

My mother was horrified when Ididn't fall out with my aunt when she left my uncle (mother's brother) I explained that as they had married when I was a baby she had been my aunt my whole life and whilst my mother's loyalty was 100% for her brother I felt very equal towards them. Maybe your son feels the same?

1forsorrow · 21/01/2020 18:12

jesusandjollof, we are nearly a snap!

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/01/2020 18:13

she is his aunty and gm, that doesnt stop as divorced

nice they still have that relationship

its bad that your brother, didnt invite his nephew to his 2nd wedding imo

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/01/2020 18:13

she is his aunty and gm, that doesnt stop as divorced

nice they still have that relationship

its bad that your brother, didnt invite his nephew to his 2nd wedding imo

redcarbluecar · 21/01/2020 18:22

I went to my ex SIL’s wedding to the man she’d left my brother for. We’d been close, and are still good friends nearly 30 years later. It sounds like an odd thing to do, but I think it depends on the nature of the relationship.

corcaithecat · 21/01/2020 18:30

I can understand it feels a bit odd.
However, you say your brother has moved on and now has a new family. In that case, I think just embrace the fact that she still sees your son as an important member of HER family.

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