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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I invite old teacher to my wedding?

97 replies

ConkerGame · 20/01/2020 19:36

I’m getting married later this year and am considering inviting my old teacher to my wedding but want to check first it’s not weird! They were my favourite teacher at secondary school, invested a lot of time and effort into helping me with my studies and had a lasting impact on my life and career. I’m also inviting quite a few friends from my year at school so they would have a few people there that they might know/remember. However we are no longer really in touch and haven’t spoken in about 10 years so the invite would come a bit out of the blue!

Do you think they would be touched or would they find it very weird?!

OP posts:

Motherontheedge1 · 20/01/2020 22:27

As a teacher I think it’s a lovely idea. I’d love to go to an ex pupils wedding although as a primary teacher an invite is unlikely. If there will be others there they know I’d include a note with the invitation telling them so. I’m sure they’d like to come but knowing there are others they have common ground with might encourage them to accept the invitation.

Schoolchoicesucks · 20/01/2020 22:29

My mum used to get a few wedding invitations a year from former pupils. But they were to big (hundred of guests) weddings within a year or so of the girls leaving school and she would have been one of a few teachers invited.

If you were still in touch, or not long out if touch I would say go for it. But 10 years on may be a bit unusual. If you don't invite her, doesn't stop you getting back in touch though.

Inniu · 20/01/2020 22:32

Definitely at least write.
My Dad is retired now but still gets random letters from people he taught up to 40 years ago who want to thank him and let him know the positive difference he made to their lives.

He really appreciates those letters.

OverByYer · 20/01/2020 22:34

I don’t think it’s weird, we kept in touch with a few teachers after we left school and my friend invited one or then to her wedding, we had a great time reminiscing

AlexaShutUp · 20/01/2020 22:34

I would just like to add to all the teachers and ex-teachers on this thread - it’s nearly 30 years since I left school, but I still remember most of my teachers very fondly. They had a huge impact and influence on my life and I’m immensely grateful to them. I wish I could contact a few of them now to tell them how significant their contributions were, but sadly, I have no idea now how to get in touch. Anyway, to all of you, you do a fabulous job!

catlady3 · 20/01/2020 22:37

I think that's really nice and they can always say no if they think it's weird. Have been binge watching Anne with an e and it's really brought home how nice and healing it can be to just tell people how you feel about them.

moofolk · 20/01/2020 22:38

Do it!

Why not? And what's wrong with being a bit weird?!

They don't have to come but I think it's sweet.

CassandrasCastle · 20/01/2020 22:43

I think it's a bit mean for people to call this 'creepy'
I agree with whoever described the proposed invitation good weird!

Downton57 · 20/01/2020 22:59

Isn't it lovely though, that the teachers on this thread don't think it's weird at all and would all be touched to receive an invitation?

FlamingoAndJohn · 20/01/2020 23:05

I’m a teacher and would be absolutely delighted.

Mistressiggi · 20/01/2020 23:09

I wouldn't want to go to your wedding (expense if nothing else) but would be delighted to get a letter from you, all the more so if you said nice things about me in it

maddy68 · 20/01/2020 23:11

I'm a teacher , I would love if , we genuinely do care and it's nice to know it's reciprocal

Unusualsuspicion · 20/01/2020 23:16

My favourite teacher came to my wedding! I'd kept in touch, but we certainly weren't friends as such (different generation). So if you're weird so am I! It was miles away too so they obv made a big effort. I'm presuming they wouldn't have come if they hadn't wanted to!

TooManyGlasses · 20/01/2020 23:55

I would just invite her! If she thinks it’s a bit weird she’ll just invent an excuse. But she will probably be touched even if she does decide to decline. If she does come it would be lovely!

Original poster

ConkerGame · 21/01/2020 10:03

Ok I’ve double-checked and it turns out I actually last had contact with them 5 years ago (feel like I’ve aged a lot in those 5 years so that’s probably why it felt more like 10! )

I think I’m going to send a note to say I’m engaged and have a general catch up. If they respond positively, I’ll send the invite with an explanatory note and also giving the names of the other people they might know who are attending. Will let you all know if they end up coming!

OP posts:

Geauxtigers · 21/01/2020 11:11

I had my old a level teacher to my wedding but I kept in touch with her and have coffee with her each time I go back to my hometown. I also invited 3 other teachers to the evening do.

I am also a teacher myself and one of the main reasons many people get into teaching is to make a difference. I would be chuffed to get an invite to a wedding from a past pupil that I had spent a lot of time with, guiding them through the turbulent teen years. You have to accept that they might not come but I think many teachers might find it really touching. If you have the option I would definitely give them a plus one but also write a letter to accompany the invite explaining the impact they had on your life and that there will be lots of people from your year in school there

WeHaveSnowdrops · 21/01/2020 11:14

I'm an old teacher and I've been to quite a lot of weddings.

I had been in touch with the bride or groom, though, the invitations were not out of the blue.

Usually I'm able to go. It's a great compliment.

Unusualsuspicion · 21/01/2020 11:23

I'm relieved to see teachers saying they are pleased to be invited to weddings. I was really disheartened by all the comments earlier on saying it's weird. Life is too short to agonise about unambiguously well-meant and kind actions like a wedding invitation. Don't bother with the general catch-up, just invite them, they'll be delighted! I would be.

Unusualsuspicion · 21/01/2020 11:23

(or rather, do the general catchup as well but send the invitation at the same time )

MutedUser · 21/01/2020 22:13

I would be wondering how an ex pupil found out my address

KarmaStar · 21/01/2020 23:04

Your wedding op!
Not knowing if there was the closer bond between you,strangers can't comment,but if there was such a connection then by all means invite them.they might not accept and instead invite you to meet up,but life's too short to worry about being viewed as odd!just do it.🌻🌻

Original poster

ConkerGame · 22/01/2020 12:43

@MutedUser I don’t know their address, I would send the message/invite by email initially. I have their email as we stayed in touch for a number of years after I left school.

OP posts:

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