To think Facebook messenger is intrusive?

[EvelynTheCanary]

I use Facebook to keep up to date with distant family and friends updates from my home town but find the messenger app quite intrusive.

People know when I'm active and so message with an expectation that I'll get back to them right away, nothing of importance 99.9% of the time yet I feel a degree of obligation to respond otherwise i think I'll appear rude. I have one friend in particular who gets grumpy if she thinks she's being ignored.

Some of the people I know spend alot of their free time on Facebook and message most days just for a chat whereas I prefer to just browse through my newsfeed, leave a comment on some updates that interest me and then go about my business rather than exchanging small talk through the day on messenger and having my phone pinging continuously.

I'll be removing the app as personally I don't like the intrusion, I just wondered whether anybody else felt this way or is it me?

Maybe it's because I'm ancient. I just don't answer and anyone who

The friend who gets grumpy if she doesn't get a response tends to post subliminal quotes about fake friends and people being rude gets one PM about how fucking out of order that is, and a 2nd time get's called out in the thread "oh do you mean me? you can just say so". There is either never a 3rd time or they're off my friends list.

You really don't have to be at everyone's beck and call. And if people can't handle you not answering immediately, that's their problem. And if they make it your problem by whining just tell them. Or show them your OP.

I think a lot of it stemms from people taking their phones everywhere. Bedroom? is it because you use it as an alarm? buy a clock, they're really cheap.

I don't particularly want my decorator or other people I barely know but need the numbers of, seeing my updates and pictures.

Wait. What?

I do think it's a generational thing, I'm 25 and have found it is friends in my age group who are glued to phones and pinging constantly as opposed to my slightly older friends or relatives.

One of my closest friends is 34 and wouldn't dream of it. If she needs to speak to me quickly she will call and ask if I'm busy/able to chat. It's very rare for her to message for no reason. My DM in her 60's thinks it is quite bizarre that people text daily for no reason.

Aside age though I think some people just lack manners really. Personally I don't expect anybody to respond to me unless it's convenient for them and I wouldn't dream of getting the hump if my message goes unanswered.

AllergicToAMop, I'm referring to my WhatsApp status and pictures. I often forget that absolutely everybody who has my number can see them - including people who I don't talk to regularly or am just acquainted with.

@EvelynTheCanary oh god. Do people actually used that.
No one can see your photos except a current profile pic. You also have the opportunity to easily block certain numbers on whatsapp.

I never update my Whatsapp status and rarely ever change my profile picture. People can't see "your pictures".

Why don't you turn notifications off? Then you won't get any messages through until you open the app?

If you switch it off you cant see if anyone else is online

It sounds more like a friend problem than a messenger problem tbh. I wouldn’t dream of ringing someone late at night just because I could see they were online or sending through loads of messages if I wasn’t getting a reply, and I’m sure none of my friends would either, I can see why that would be annoying. Maybe get some friends who are better at taking hints?

Whatsapp pictures as in profile pictures yes. I will change mine every so often.

Yes I think in my case it is largely a friend problem and the availability of messenger just gives them an easy platform. It is also a me problem because I feel awkward about looking rude.

Any messenger would be intrusive if you don't set up the notifications. I have almost all of my messengers and social networks apps on mute and I'm fine

@FearlessSwiftie is absolutely right.
Mute, hide status, block.
SM and messaging apps are what you make of it.

I don't have Facebook messenger on my phone. not just because of this intrusiveness but also because I don't want Facebook to control my phone to the extent required by the app.

I can still send and recieve messages - the icon pops up that there is a message waiting and that evening I log in to the website from a PC and I can see the messages there without needing the app.

Every time I update the app, it seems to reset the setting that tells people you are online. Just check it every time enough update, it drives me mad.

There seems to be an expectation that once you've read the message or are visibly online you should respond quickly otherwise risk offending the sender

People are being cheeky twotsits then. Reply when you are ready to, not to their timetable.

when i am home i often message either of my dd's when i see they are on line.

What I do is just not open the message until I'm ready to reply.

That way the sender can see that it has been delivered, but that I haven't read it yet.

No stress.

I don't have the app on my phone and never look at the messages when I am on Facebook on my computer. I don't know what my settings are, I just don't use it. I use WhatsApp to message friends.

I do agree with you, I was friends for a very short time before Christmas with an ex colleague I’d worked with for 18 years always quite a nice sane person (or so I thought) I had to delete them as I was being bombarded with political propaganda! The first time it happened I thought maybe it was an accident so ignored, but then on one day I had 14 messages! My phone was going off every few minutes driving me mad! I tried asking for them to stop, politely, it continued so I was a bit more blunt and it still continued, so I had no choice but to delete. I just thank goodness they never had my mobile number

Tara unfortunately I can relate to that. My photographer friend is very into politics and will often send a paragraph or multiple messages about something parliament related or brexit and his opinions about it. I have very little interest in discussing politics except when voting.

I'm not a fan of small talk at all really, it seems quite pointless to me. I would rather catch up over coffee or lunch but that isn't a convenient option when my oldest friends live so far away so these messages are pretty much the only contact we have.

Change the settings
I won't have the app, though. If people know me well enough to message me, they have my number. Otherwise I'm not interested in their message. I'll check it on desktop at some point.

The Swipe app (definitely on Android, not sure about other operating systems) allows you to access Facebook messages without messenger - it's basically the same as it was before they tried to force everyone onto messenger and may be useful to those of you waiting to check messages on a desktop!

I don’t have the Messenger app, mainly because it absolutely ate up the memory on my ancient Samsung, so I don’t get alerted if I have a message (unless I am working on my laptop, then it pops up). I still use Messenger through the FB web site, although only on my IPad or laptop, as FB hates you trying to look at your messages without using the app on a phone. I hardly ever reply straight away to a message, nobody would use it to contact me about anything urgent. It is the main way my mum sends me messages though, for some reason.

I refuse to have the messenger app and so do my friends. Deleted it a long time ago. I hardly use facebook much nowadays (does anyone? ) the only reason I am still on the thing is because my kids school post announcements etc on their closed facebook page which is annoying.

I am absolutely over the moon that messenger lets you know when people are active on facebook etc.

My mum died recently. We had lost touch with a brother who liked disappearing for years at a time, we managed to get hold of him by messaging his ex wife's daughter's boyfriend (found by facebook friend snooping) who happened to be active and luckily accepted my message - I am very grateful for social media. Very.

It could have taken months to find him otherwise