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Tell me about your worst ever date

97 replies

Whyhaveidonethis · 20/01/2020 09:43

I'm trying (and failing) to conceive and need some cheering up, so I wondered if anyone wanted to share terrible date stories?

I'll start (although it's not exactly what happened on the date, but after); I once went on a date when I was 14 with a guy who was a couple of years older than me. He clearly adored me, to the extent that he declared that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I didn't enjoy it one bit and then he tried to kiss me, it was awful, all slobbery and wet. He spent the whole date telling me how he loved me, and then I got home and found he had sent me 12 red roses for when I got back from the date. He called me everyday after and I would get my mum to say I wasn't home.

One time I forgot and answered the phone. He asked if it was me and I answered "sorry, I'm not home right now!!" And hung up.

OP posts:
kippersandchips · 20/01/2020 23:40

The guy who spent the whole date telling me I have massive hands, and then recited a (very long) poem he'd written from the perspective of a lion who's just been shot.

BRKLLN · 20/01/2020 23:48

It was a double date. We went to a bar for a few drinks and then headed somewhere else for dinner. On the drive we got pulled over and my date got taken away to do a breathalyser. He never came back, they took him to jail! A few days later I had a VM from him saying "Hey it's me XXX, I'm the one who got the dui on our date? Anyways do you want to go out again sometime? Call me."

VenusClapTrap · 21/01/2020 00:02

I arrived at the bar on a first date to find the guy sitting with two women - his ex girlfriend and her best friend. Date looked a bit embarrassed, introduced us and claimed they were all friends. Ex girlfriend kept interrupting every attempt I made to talk to the guy, telling anecdotes about them as a couple. At one point she thrust her wrist at me, with “Do you like my bracelet? Bob bought it for me.” It was pretty excruciating and I left as soon as I’d downed my drink.

He apologised for that fiasco and like a fool I gave him a second chance, and he came to my flat for a party I was throwing a week or so later. He arrived early afternoon and claimed he was a bit tired, and would I mind if he had a nap before the party. Confused He passed out in my bedroom and was still asleep when the other guests started arriving in the evening. I couldn’t wake him.

He slept through the whole thing, despite all the noise, eventually emerging at around midnight.

I didn’t see him again.

Mikeymoo12 · 21/01/2020 00:13

I have lots but one memorable one was where he went into to kiss me at the end (I wasn't sure but thought meh I'll go with it) and he was licking my chin

sam221 · 21/01/2020 00:34

Years ago I tendering a bid for my company, had a business lunch scheduled for about 4 people at a Michelin star place. I got there early and one of the clients as arrived early too. So we got drinks whilst we waited, unfortunately 2 of the others messages to say they couldn't make it, they had to deal with a crisis.
Anyway I offered to reschedule but client guy wanted to proceed, I mainly kept the conversation to the bid.
He spent his time grilling me about me! It felt like an interrogation, family,friends,five year plan and then the best bit...
Apparently now since our first now date was going so well, in the future I wouldn't have to worry about bids-as we could combine our companies and our lives together! He had always dreamed of a Hawaiian beach wedding and if booked soon, we could try for a Christmas Eve sunset wedding, which was only 5 weeks away!!!!
I really really wanted to laugh but he was being deadly serious(also didn't want to offend him)
It took all of my facial muscle strength to keep a straight face and explain I was engaged(a complete lie!)
He apologised, I did get the bid but we both appointed junior members of staff to finish the details.
Last I heard he was still available!

StuckBetweenDarknessAndLight · 21/01/2020 01:03

Long distance relationship for months before this. He was a photographer and was in my area for a photoshoot and staying in a local hotel. I was working during the day and asked him what the plans were for after he'd finished, he told me he that he was working with a colleague so to go home after work. I caught up with him later, after dinner. We moved on to the hotel bar. He started playing pool with his colleague. My work colleagues were at a bar down the road at an event I really should have been at but I'd cried off thanks to BF visiting, so as they were playing pool and totally ignoring me I went to join them for half an hour to show my face. Go back to BF's hotel half an hour later and he's still playing pool. 3 hours of watching pool later he says, let's go up to his room. By this time I am bored senseless but hey! BF has got a massive ache on because I disappeared to see my colleagues and said "I didn't support his pool playing enough". Like wtf, he really expected me to fawn over the pool table saying "good shot!", he really did. Stupidly after all that shit we went to bed and had sex. I went for a wee afterwards and passed something. Putting my hand to my nethers, I pulled out the ragged remains of a condom. I went back into the bedroom and showed BF, I was so confused. He said "yeah, I pierced it, I want to get you pregnant so you're mine."

I got dressed and walked out of that room and got the morning after pill the next day.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 21/01/2020 01:16

I was 18 and just moved to London for uni so was in that super sociable phase of freshers etc

Had a retail job interview and the interviewer asked me out right there. He wasn’t my type, but I thought fuck it I want to explore London. Was supposed to be going out with my friends so messaged them to say I was going to be back late

The date was awful. I was kind of expecting to go somewhere cool but he took me to some random rundown pub. He was then like he can afford to buy the place, let alone afford anything I wanted on the menuHmm but he was grimacing about me ordering food lol. He didn’t even order himself a drink!

I couldn’t believe how full on he was; so sex obsessed. Again, he wasn’t my type so I wasn’t into it at all. He asked to leave early and tried to tell me the way to my tube station was the same way as his house🙄 obviously I knew he was lying.

I ended up walking to the station alone in pitch black and got home at about 8pm - my friends found it hilarious that the date lasted about 20 minutes. I wasn’t even late getting back!

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart · 21/01/2020 01:50

OP, reminds me of a tale from Eric Morcambe.

A lad rang up to speak to his daughter. His response was, “I’m sorry, we haven’t got a phone.”

Sickandscared · 21/01/2020 02:10

One guy I met online dating. I was standing in the pub when he walked in and straight over to a similar age brunette. He thought she was me! He seemed frazzled and embarrassed, we had a quick drink and went to the restaurant as arranged for dinner. It went fine but he was talking very loudly and he forgot where the toilet was at one point despite having gone there already.

I don't know how I didn't realise how drunk he was. Something about his story didn't make sense to me (it was unclear where he lived) and my Spidey senses went up. I thought - he could be married or something. So I decided I would give him the benefit of the doubt but keep my cards close to my chest, definitely not get physical with him and not drink. For however many dates it took to get to know him.

He paid for the bill, picked up the water jug and poured water directly down his throat. It dawned on me he was demented drunk. He then began telling me how much he hates casual sex without feeling while gyrating wildly to demonstrate. I was utterly mortified. He was also declaring how crazy he was about me and listing the reasons at the top of his voice. The entire restaurant was smirking at me.

We left and my brain started spinning on how to swiftly and safely exit. He seemed bonkers. I knew my friends were in a nearby pub so I steered him that direction and conveniently they were all standing outside drinking and yelled hello and to join them. I asked one to join me at the bar and explained my dilemma. We decided some stupid plan for me to bid him goodnight with them there for moral support. when we returned, one friend was crying, another was shouting. He had been calling them jealous ugly bitches and saying he had been in prison and could snap their legs like insects. At this point I panicked, said we were leaving and goodbye. I couldn't think of what else to do and still can't. He began pleading with me to come to his hotel 'as agreed' and not let them come between us. I literally turned, ran into the pub and out the back door he wouldn't have known about. I was scared of him. They moved away and caught up with me down the road. They said he just sat down at a table and didn't know what he did next.

The following morning I woke up to hours of rambling messages all night about witches lying in the long grass poisoning me against him and loads of other mad stuff. Needless to say I ignored.

Later that day something surprising happened. I received a very nice, sane coherent message. It said he was so sorry about the night before, he was nervous and he drank whiskey before he met me then continued. He has a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol and has tried to quit but fell off the wagon. He wouldn't offend me by expecting me to give him the time of day while he's such a mess but whatever guy gets me will be a very lucky one. He then thanked me for being so kind on the date and apologised again for his behaviour. I wrote back and thanked him for the message and said I hoped things improved for him but he was correct that I didn't want a second date

Unbelievably when I read the message out to the girls they all ooohed and aaahed and said I should give him another chance as after all he was very good looking and anyone could make a mistake.

Needless to say I ignored their advice.

wheresmyrunningshoes · 21/01/2020 13:45

@Sickandscared That sounds quite traumatic. If anything like that ever happened again, ask the bar staff to get you a taxi. They are getting more education about online dating.

followingonfromthat · 21/01/2020 14:30

Second date with someone, and he came round to my house to collect me. I was getting ready, and my three cats were draped about the living room as usual.

He said (whilst miming kicking a rugby ball) "I fucking hate cats - I like to drop kick 'em."

I was polite (through gritted teeth) on the date, but that was him crossed off the list. Arsehole.

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 21/01/2020 14:55

Nowhere near as bad as some of these, but mine all involve guys getting drunk... perhaps they find me difficult to deal with sober.

One man I met had either been in the bar for a while before I got there, or had preloaded at home, because he was steaming by the time I arrived. He was slurring away at me about which bands he liked - apparently, his all-time favourite was The Smiths. I asked him which of their albums he rated the most, and he sat there thinking about it for several moments before saying, very slowly and seriously, "It would definitely have to be their Best Of compilation". He sounded so exactly like Alan Partridge that I just burst out laughing. He obviously didn't get the joke but he joined in laughing anyway, I suppose through nerves/alcohol. I then had to walk him back to the bus station because he was too drunk to find it on his own and I didn't really want him to fall in the river/under a bus. And even after all that, he still made a sort of lurching attempt to hug me goodbye. And messaged me the next day to see if I wanted to meet up again.

Another time, my date turned up severely hungover (he told me this right from the outset) and sat opposite me clutching at his temples, answering most of my attempts at small-talk with pained grunts, occasionally doing little retching burps, and muttering "Oh, god. Oh, god". He sat nursing a diet coke while I had a G&T. After about 20 minutes, I said "Do you want to just go?", he said "Yeah", and that was that. I never even got an apology!

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 21/01/2020 17:45

These are hilarious. Loving them.

Whyhaveidonethis · 21/01/2020 19:46

Oh my goodness @followingonfromthat your friends give terrible dating advice!!!

@EoinMcLovesCakeJumper their Best of Compliation!!! 😂

OP posts:
VB90 · 22/01/2020 03:02

Second date: going out for drinks with mutual friends, asked if he could meet me at my flat first as it was on the bus route and easier. I agreed.

We had a few drinks before leaving, he vomited all over my sofa and carpet and himself. I had to knock on the neighbours and ask if they had any old rag t shirts so he could wear a clean one to get the bus home.

While I was doing this, bless him he thought he'd be helpful and try to clean up. So he tried to hoover his sick up....which just spread the sick around even more and dirtied my hoover.

He did not make it to the drinks. There was no third date.

Iambloodystarving · 22/01/2020 04:37

My friend met a very cute chap. He invited her to dinner in his place. When she arrived he told her to keep her coat on as they were going out to pick up the take away. It was pouring with rain but hey ho. They end up walking to the tube, going three stops and getting off at a pizza place. He had a coupon for that specific place. They ordered the pizza. Asking if he wanted a pop with that he said yes, but not from there. A place three doors down had it for cheeper. So, off they go in the rain. With the pizza in a cardboard box. They buy the pop. They walk back to the station. They arrive at the home station, get out and walk home in the rain. With the pizza in the cardboard box. They go in to his place which is a FULL HOUSE in a nice area and eat the cold, wet pizza. All night long he talked about money and how he hates it when women think they can order what they like and expect him to pay etc etc. I think she was in shock for ages after that. GrinGrinGrin

nakedavengeragain · 22/01/2020 05:39

Met v attractive, beautifully dressed man at party. Super job on the creative industries in Soho. Fiend of a friend so in my eyes they came 'pre-approved'. Did big snogs. Agreed to see each other again.
Went out for dinner where he quizzed me the entire duration about my child bearing intentions. As a 24 year old it was the last thing on my mind but he boomed'YOU NEED TO TELL ME IMMEDIATELY AS I CANNOT COUNTENANCE A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU DONT WANT CHILDREN' I said maybe someday but he bloody persisted.
Anyway being young and daft I agreed to go back to his. Standard shared house but when he got there he sat me down in the lounge and said he needed to tidy his bedroom. Anyway he was gone for so long I fell asleep and he woke me an hour later and took me upstairs.
The bedroom was a fucking tip. Not just messy but like those programmes on hoarders. You couldn't see the carpet for newspapers and detritus. God knows what it was like before he 'tidied' it. Crap piled everywhere, tissues, crisp packets, clothes, bin bags and horror of horrors a single bed, unmade with the yellow outline of his body on bobbly sheets that were once white. As it was now 2am I had no option but to stay. It was HORRIBLE.
I crept out at 5am to get the first tube. He texted later that day to say he had a lovely evening and when would he see me again. I didn't respond

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 22/01/2020 13:58

followingonfromthat

You went on the date? I would have drop kicked his arse out the door, dragged him back in and kicked him out again.

I once had a workman come to my house to do some odds and ends. He looked at my guinea pigs in their run and said "oh I've got a python who would love to eat those." I replied "You've got a python? I could do with a new handbag."

One ball of spit in your tea or two? Tosser.

Scrumbleton · 22/01/2020 19:07

I was 17 - he turned up wearing a white suit and boots with heels. We went to a club. It was awful. On the way home he drove to a deserted car park, removed his jacket then started to unbutton his shirt. I asked what (the hell) he was doing and he replied that his mammy had washed his vest in a powder he was allergic to. He took off his (red nylon with white piping) vest, put his shirt back on and took me home. Don’t even start me on the goodnight kiss. First and last date

Conflicted1212 · 22/01/2020 19:57

Many

  1. Guy got really drunk and fell down the pub stairs. Tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Despite the whole pub seeing it and blood pouring from his head
  2. Went for dinner. He was odd. Ate dinner and got bill within 40 mins. He tried to take bill as business expense, as dating was a business obviously! Then tried to get me back to his house, forcibly. Waiter saved me
  3. Guy got really handsy. Grabbed my hand and backed me into a corner for a snog. In first 10 mins
  4. Great first date. Second very awkward. We went for a drive in the country and lunch. No conversation he was showing off. Couldn’t escape.
  5. Argued that I intellectually deceived him. As I asked how tall he was.
  6. One word answers. No conversation
  7. Guy only showered once a week. Took 3 dates to figure this out. Always a musky smell around him

Got a date tonight hopefully it’s good

Peanutbutterbean · 23/01/2020 19:31

How did the date go @Conflicted1212 ? 🤞

LittleMissTeacup · 24/01/2020 09:11

Enjoyed reading these so thought I’d join in.

Went on a date to have dinner at very swanky restaurant, where I couldn’t afford the bill. He picked it and I was worried about splitting the bill and was trying to order conservatively but he wasn’t.
He went to the bar area of the restaurant, even though they would come to the table, twice and was talking to the waitress there. Second time he was ages but came back with a bottle of wine.
As he had finished eating dinner, he gets up and says he’s going to the bar. There’s half a bottle of wine on the table but I carry on eating and end up finishing my meal. (I was close to finishing). Then I look up and he’s stood talking to the waitress at the bar. So I get out my phone, start messaging friends about how awkward this is, then I look up and he’s not there. I end up waiting about 30 minutes and then a waiter comes over and asks if I’d like the bill whilst giving it to me. I see the price (think it was around £350) and he is looking really awkward. I ask if he’s seen my date, to which he answered that he’d gone off with the bar waitress and was currently with her in the alley by the pub.
I started crying, (fear of the bill rather than love lost!) and they explain I can’t leave without paying otherwise they will contact the police. Waiter is basically stood now watching me and doesn’t leave.
I phone a friend, who comes storming over the pub, and argues very loudly with the manager. The bill is forgotten and we get to leave.
Thank god for good friends!

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