Oh god! I swore I'd never post here, but really!

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 11. She's just been shopping with a friend and her mum for a party they're going to tomorrow night. The party is the 13 year old cousin of said friend and lives in a flash house, lots of money etc.

Anyway, she's come back with a pair of, what can only be described as spray on black jeans and a top that barely comes passed her tummy. WTF was this mother thinking! Sadly, she came in all full of it and excited and I could not hide my disappointment when she put it on to show me. I did refrain from using that line 'You're not going out looking like that!'
The mother also told both of them, that they had to go to this party dressed up to the nines to 'bag a rich boy!'

Much stropping and sulking later I have managed to convince her that we will go out AGAIN tonight to find something more suitable.

Soooo, AIBU in thinking that 11 years olds should look like 11 year olds and not slappers?

you've got a son, though, don't you madamez? intellectually i agree with you, but because i have a daughter i find my reaction to the idea of her in prostitot clothes is surprisingly visceral.

precisely, honoria.

HG reasonable points but I'd be inclined to say to a DD here are the opinions people have but that doesn't mean they are right. And I'd make sure any DD of mine had self-defence classes (and indeed my DS will be having them when he's old enough).
Aitch, true that I have a DS and no DDs (but given that DS is curretny rather prone to insisting that he is, in fact, a little girl, I may have this clothing issue to deal with in the future anyway).

well said honoria.
i look at the young girls walking round in "tarty" adult type clothes and all i can think about is that some dirty old perv is looking at them dressed like that and god only knows what hes thinking.
the fact is that there are most definatly lots of people out there that do look at young pre pubescant girls and see them as sexual. it sickens me that parents cant see taht when allowing their dd's to dress inappropriatly.
sorry if i sound controversial buts thats my honest opinion.

"Prostitot"??!! Did you make that up?

I think the thing that bothers me is that I buy clothes for my dd i.e. I might buy her a pair of short denim shorts and expect her to wear a pair of footless tights under them, but when it is hot she wants to wear them without the footless tights. She is 11 and really tall and beautiful and looks a lot older than she is, but she still sees it from an innocent 11 year old perspective that she is simply wearing something that will keep her cool and is fashionable. I dont want to upset her as she is just doing what I did, and was allowed to do at 11 as times were far more innocent.

Unfortunately, I don't think the problem is with children wearing this type of clothing, it is with a society that labels people who wear these clothes as tarts, up for it, game for anything... It's with men who look at women/girls dressed like this, in a particularly disturbing way.

For those reasons I would also want to protect my child from those sorts of clothes, but not because I want to block her freedom of expression. It's simply because I would want to block the nasty thoughts society have about her.

I think the floaty top and flat pumps sounds much nicer and more elegant anyway!

Boob tubes are a bit naff even on adults, tbh!

Just read your post, walrus, and I agree with you! Children don't wear these clothes to be provocative! They wear them quite innocently to suit the weather, the situation and the fashion they see in the magazines that are so often foisted upon them! They don't expect a leery old man to see them and ogle. They may want to impress boys, but at 11 I think it's possibly fashion-guided.

When I studied my degree we looked a lot at the sociology of childhood and this sort of debate happened a lot in seminars. I find it really interesting to read/hear other people's views and consider my own.

agree with sentiments expressed it is so gross to see young girls looking sexualized like commodities so so wrongliz hurley launched a leopard print tight bikini and had wee girls modelling it - eeeuggh it wa the subject of much (justified) derision

Tight black jeans and a top that just reaches the top of her trousers?

I'm not seeing 'tarty'. You might need to describe it more.

Skin tight spray on jeans and a strappy red top with sequins all over it. She's 11.

my mum was still dressing me at 12 . girls fashion does seem cynically marketed at children too much imo. but then again, i have boys

Just to reassure you. Even if her father were not going to be there I don't think that she will have any trouble with the teenaged boys at the party.

As the mother of a 14 year old boy I can reassure you that no 13/14 year old boy would be seen dead with a girl of 11.

If she is exceptionally physically mature they may be interested for a moment but as soon as they know her age they'll run a mile!

In my DS's words their mates would probably consider them a "sicko".

If your friend thinks that her dd is going to "bag a rich boy" of 13/14 I think she is going to be disillusioned.

BTW your description of the outfit doesn't sound too extreme IMO but then I haven't seen it.

I just bothers me that because its 'fashion' kids seem to think they can pull it off. This other girl is wearing skinny jeans and a pair of pumps. She's got size 6 feet and looks like a clown! I'm just trying to make my dd see that, not all fashion suits all people. I'm really trying very hard not to be an old fuddy duddy, but I couldn't bare the thought of people commenting on what my dd wears.

Thanks fiddlemama, I know that really. I can't help thinking though, that if you give this sort of outfit the green light at 11, you are leaving yourself wide open to even worse when they are young teenagers. We're OK now. I've bought her a pair of bootcut jeans and a big silver belt. I think we've met half way. She's still got the top, but she has a much more flattering and suitable pair of jeans! God I'm such an old bag!

Sorry MML crossed posts. Tight jeans and sequinned tops are just the fashion I think. My DD (12) has such things in her wardrobe But she has floaty tops too

i don't think anyone would see you as being an old fuddy duddy, 11 is still a child.

Bootcut jeans and big belts also very fashionable. Hope she has a great party!

And you're not a fuddy duddy! You're quite right about not all people being able to wear every fashion.

I do try to encourage my DD not to wear skimpy tops with tight jeans but that's more because she is overweight than because I think they are "tarty".

Some of her slim friends look great dressed like that but she doesn' Still, to some extent, she has to make her own mistakes in fashion as in everything else

yanbu definately not. A friend showed me a picture of her child dressed for the junior school leaving disco, I thought she was far too dressed up, too short, too tight, too much make up. Just looked slutty imho

glad to hear you managed to come to a compromise - lets hope she stays that reasonable in the years to come!

YANBU - absolutely not!

I'd be mortified if my dd came home with something like that (although that is complete "what if" cos I have a 4 yr old ds!)

Anyway I think these "fashions" are pathetic - what would it take for an 11-14 yr old girl to get in HUGE trouble because the fact of the matter is - these short skirts, trousers and tops that leave nothing to the imagination are red flags to a lot of disturbed people... sad but true fact of society

I like the sound of boot-jeans, belt and top... seems more material / less body-hugging

Oh, and you aren't being a fuddy duddy - I'm 24 and would be the EXACT same!!

She should be forced to wear a red nylon polo neck, a red, yellow and black striped tank top and second hand jeans from the jumble.

Never did me any harm.

Bout time you turned up! - where ya been! I'm havin a hell of a night!