Oh god! I swore I'd never post here, but really!

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 11. She's just been shopping with a friend and her mum for a party they're going to tomorrow night. The party is the 13 year old cousin of said friend and lives in a flash house, lots of money etc.

Anyway, she's come back with a pair of, what can only be described as spray on black jeans and a top that barely comes passed her tummy. WTF was this mother thinking! Sadly, she came in all full of it and excited and I could not hide my disappointment when she put it on to show me. I did refrain from using that line 'You're not going out looking like that!'
The mother also told both of them, that they had to go to this party dressed up to the nines to 'bag a rich boy!'

Much stropping and sulking later I have managed to convince her that we will go out AGAIN tonight to find something more suitable.

Soooo, AIBU in thinking that 11 years olds should look like 11 year olds and not slappers?

I think you're being unreasonable - (tight) jeans and a (short) top - for a party. Who cares? You could have a lot worse problems to deal with.

You're right RLYL, with hindsight I don't know why I'm shocked! And I did say to DH that a shopping trip like that wouldn't happen again!

Skinny jeans fine. Skimpy top not fine. Not, I think a good look at ANY age, but especially 11. Agree a floaty top would be better and look Soooo much prettier. And there are so many lovely floaty tops out there - wish I could wear them but most make me look pregnant or very very fat . I think you were NU, and I'd be more worried about the bag a rich boy comment, too!

for an 11 yr old,wastingmylife ??

well maybe the mother just has bad taste in clothes MML, call it bad judgement. I do find shopping with girls of that age, the children do not have not much idea of how to put an outfit together, it can be a right old game. Maybe the children needed more help in choosing the right thing but at then end of the day, she didn't take them to have their ears pierced or get a haircut.

With clothes, we all make mistakes. Me too.

I'm sure it will be fine - as you say, hard to guage tone etc from a brief post. I suppose having a very lovely sensible teenage stepdaughter I see them all in skinny jeans and short dresses looking absolutely gorgeous yet they aren't 'slappers' at all. I honestly think skinny jeans are just a fashion thing, not about being sexy.

I could have a lot worse problems to deal with, but IMHO if I deal with a small problem like this now, I, hopefully, won't need to deal with bigger problems in the future.

Mother sounds a bit daft tbh.

at the end of the day you are her mother and she is a minor....im sorry for jumpin the gun here a bit but she is 11 years old and i think its fab that u actually care enough to protect her.too many horrible things go on in this world.Its very easy to look much older, are we forgetting that this party will have teenage boys there!!!! that have only one thing on their mind

see the outfit here with girl in straight white jeans and blue tunic, looks lovely. And girl with skinny black jeans and grey top (top right)

next

I could really imagine my sil in doing somehting like this when dd is 11 yo. Her main aim in life is getting her dd a boyfriend. She talks endlessly about her dd's large breast and figure - in front of dh and any other man who may be about She points and says "hasn't xx got a fantastic figure" aber her dd preens (17 yo). SIL suggested she take dd to have her ears pierced when dd was 5 yo. Err - no thank you. She lives miles away thank god so easy to keep dd safe

Her dd does actually have 2 breasts not 1

fawk, boys don't you know, they think about lots of things at that age. How to get past level 4 of dark destroyer for a start!

okay maybe being a bit harsh then

yanbu

BUT now you've planted that idea in my head faukeoff! NOW, I want her to wear a pretty dress with a big bow on the back, white patent shoes with a t-bar strap and short white socks with frills!

Oh well, I've made my point, dd is OK with it and the mother won't give it another thought. DH is also going to this party as a bouncer btw! No-ones gonna mess with his little girl!

lol maureen im only saying, i was 13 nine years ago and can clearly remember those type of boy im wrong in sayin theyre all like that but a fair few are

Thanks for listening you lot and thanks for the comments! I'm going shopping now - wish me luck!

YANBU. I hate girls dressing in tarts clothes (and my dd - also age 11 - knows I can be boring vocal on this subject so she knows not to bother asking for stuff that's too grown up). Thankfully she is tomboyish and likes to wear surfer type clothes - I dread the day when she wants to wear crop tops and mini skirts.

It's a very long time since I was 11 BUT I was keen to have 'cool' clothes at that age: denim, little hot pants, lots of jewellery etc. I got allowed about half of it, admittedly, but the clothes you describe don't sound that radical.
And your DD will be kept safe at a party by a) the common sense you've instilled in her about not drinking anything inidentifiable and not going off into the dark garden with boys and
b) the fact that her dad will be there.

YANBU, and well done to you for convincing her you'll get something more suitable. Stick to your guns. You're being a good mum.

YANBU

There was a 4 year old at my dd's singing group today wearing a t shirt with the playboy bunny logo and the words "pink to make the boys think".

Why why why?!?! The mum seems really nice maybe she doesnt get the connotations?

Actually, I think that what worries me a bit is that by telling DDs that clothes they choose (because they think the items are cool or fashionable or they just like the colour or pattern) are 'tarty' or 'inappropriate' we risk perpetuating the attitude that female bodies are somehow shameful and need to be concealed, and that if any female is wearing anything tight or revelaing or sexy then she's automatically asking for anything bad that might happen to her.

I agree to a point but I don't think that's it totally madamez. It's also about being a mum who helps her dd to an understanding of how clothes can make you look tarty and how people will treat you and think of you differently if that's how you look. Also trying to help them to learn what looks good on them and gives out a look that they'd want to aspire to.

Starting a four year old off on playboy stuff is just so sad. Where are the aspirations there - all it says is about women being sex objects.

And FWIW I really WOULD want a daughter of mine to know that if she walks around in utterly tarty, tiny clothes, in certain situations men will make judgements about her and she CAN be making herself more vulnerable - it's part of helping them protect themselves. It doesn't mean they asked for anything to happen to them; but it's reality. Yes a girl should be able to wear whatever she damn well likes and walk around in the dark at midnight; however it's an inescapable reality that that makes her more vulnerable. I'd want to be having conversations etc about this issue that helped any DD of mine to protect herself by being aware.