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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work hard and you can achieve anything?

91 replies

mommathatwearspink · 19/01/2020 21:12

AIBU to think that this isn’t always the case... or is it?

Me and DP (early 30’s) work very hard (like many people) in good jobs. I am still fairly new in my profession but have the chance to make good money as I progress. So far it’s taking longer than anticipated.
I’ve seen so many quotes this week that say ‘work hard and you can achieve anything’ and I just feel that no matter how hard you work, you can’t necessarily achieve everything you want.

OP posts:

amd4578 · 20/01/2020 10:24

I think as others have said it is a mix of hard work, risks and positive attitude.

Example, i started on an entry level job knew i wanted to progress however my manager had no interest as the senior manager and his team were far to comfortable earning high wages and not really doing much. so i emailed the director of our sector and said that i wanted to progress however i felt my chances were limited. She then personally put me on a programme which led to where i am now.

you can work hard all you want but things are not just given to you anymore. People dont just come up to you and say here have a promotion for working hard, you need to tell them you want it and grab it when the opportunity comes along.

hazell42 · 20/01/2020 10:26

Well it doesnt make for an inspirational quote to say, if you work hard, and you're lucky, and some other people help you, and the stars are all aligned right, you can make it.
But its not entirely wrong either.
You can put yourself in the way of luck.
You can make chances and take chances.
You can take risks
One opportunity taken can lead to another
You can ask for promotion
You can be pro-active about your career
Its not just about working hard at your job. You can spend years just grafting if you don't tell people about it.
It's about working hard to make your job the job you want
But that's not as pithy

user3575796673 · 20/01/2020 10:33

Also asking people what they think leads to success always gets an answer that is massively tainted by the self attribution fallacy. People don't like to admit that they had advantages.

Yep. And people want to feel they have complete control over their lives. It makes them feel safer.

SerendipityJane · 20/01/2020 10:57

The thread title is complete bollocks. It should read: "Work hard and you can achieve what you are allowed."

No amount of hard work was ever going to make me Queen. Or indeed Duchess of Sussex. So there goes the word "anything".

I think dreams need to be realistic in the UK. Especially if you are a woman. Altogether better to set your sights on being a #TradWife and then anything on top is a nice bonus (for your husband, naturally).

(Looks at mid morning drink. Notice it "contains added cynicism" . Not what I expected from an energy drink. But I feel fired up )

JosefKeller · 20/01/2020 18:32

No amount of hard work was ever going to make me Queen. Or indeed Duchess of Sussex. So there goes the word "anything".

if you are "working hard" to marry one of the royals, you would have been.

And maybe you couldn't reach as far as queen, but if for you being successful meant getting married to an aristocrat, or to a rich partner, you could.

So even an hereditary pampered family is not out of reach, and a very rich husband even less. If you call that being successful.

Lippy1234 · 20/01/2020 18:35

My DH’s old boss said to my DH years ago ‘stop working so hard and start to work smarter’, that worked for him and he got a few big promotions close together.

toothfairy73 · 20/01/2020 18:38

My husband and I work really hard and yet we struggle each month. I think there is an element of luck. Not just in terms of opportunity but also not being exposed to adverse life experiences which also have an impact

Fidgety31 · 20/01/2020 18:42

It also depends on money . I wanted to train but couldn’t afford the training costs . I grew up in poverty so had no family to pay those training costs.
If I came from a more wealthy family I would’ve been able to do it .
So if t wouldn’t mater how hard I worked if I couldn’t get to do the job in first place !
This is something people from wealthy families just don’t grasp .

megletthesecond · 20/01/2020 18:44

There's a huge amount of luck involved.

CatsDogsandRabbits · 20/01/2020 18:50

I used to believe this. I always worked very hard. It brought me to a lunatic boss who demanded the impossible, undermined me, stabbed me in the back. It led to a suicide attempt on my part followed by being pushed out for doing my job. It completely destroyed me confidence and health.

For some, maybe it’s true. For myself and others, total opposite. For most folk, it probably means they’ll tick along doing okay.

MotherofPearl · 20/01/2020 18:53

I think a lot of the time people say 'if you work hard you can achieve anything' to gloss over the very real structural inequalities in our society, which cannot always be overcome with just hard work. It's a world view that lets us off the hook from addressing those inequalities.

Oblomov20 · 20/01/2020 18:56

I call bullshit too! I have failed many things, despite really trying hard: couldn't pass one of my accountancy papers no matter how hard I tried!

PeepeeDarling · 20/01/2020 18:58

True I’m basically a secretary in a dead end job no prospect yet I’m educated to a MA level

Getitwright · 20/01/2020 19:01

Being good at your career/job counts for a huge amount. But it helps if you get support from an early age, so that you can make the most of your opportunities. And I don’t mean financial support, although acknowledge it can help. Planning a career path, taking into account other factors, such as location, partner, children, etc.... can also help. You might need a plan B and a plan C to get where you want to be. A hefty dose of realism helps as well, if the career you fancy is very niche, than it might be hard to get into, without contacts, experience. And luck, yes you do need a bit of luck, confidence, the occasional bit of bullshit, and to know when to bite your tongue rather than diving in all guns blazing. ☺️

JosefKeller · 20/01/2020 20:33

gloss over the very real structural inequalities in our society

whilst it's true for some societies, I am in the UK, there's nothing to stop people here. Yes, some have it easier than others, but pretty much all opportunities are opened to whoever can be bothered to take them.

using other people's "luck" is just a lazy excuse, or the easy option to settle.

It's the same about people in happy and equal relationships. It's not luck to refuse to settle for a mediocre life.

malylis · 20/01/2020 20:38

"There's nothing to stop people here "

Utter rubbish. Your entire post is lazy thinking which refuses to acknowledge the serious inequities and inequalities that abound in the UK.

lazylinguist · 20/01/2020 20:53

I find it frankly pretty offensive that people are saying none of it's luck. I've been a teacher for over 20 years and I've seen the effects of the lottery that is people's upbringing. Coming from a disadvantaged background with unsupportive or abusive parents doesn't just put practical barriers in your way- it can form your attitudes and expectations. Sure some people break out of it to achieve amazing success, but they are the exceptions, and they are not simply the only ones who work hard.

I had it easy. Comfortable mc family, great school, supportive parents and high intelligence level. That's what got me into Oxford, not hard graft. I was pretty lazy.

JosefKeller · 20/01/2020 21:05

malylis
WHAT is stopping anyone -healthy- to do anything in this country?

It's such a lazy attitude for people who can't be bothered to try and like to blame "luck".

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/01/2020 21:05

Working hard will get you a little way

Working smarter will get you further.

Dd works in one of her jobs in hospitality through an agency.

She chooses her shifts and probably does 3 shifts per week.

She earns more in 3 days than working a 9-5 job 5 days per week.
Plus she gets any travel etc against her tax bill.

MAFIL · 20/01/2020 21:08

Of course not. All kinds of things come into it. For lots of things you need an particular talent, or physical aptitude and ampn element of luck. There is a saying that hard work will beat talent if talent doesn't work, which is probably true in many circumstances, but not always. And if someone very talented is also vety hard working then obviously they are going to have the edge over the majority.
I don't think this ethos actually does anyone any good. It can lead to people working ridiculously hard towards ambitions that they have no realistic hope of achieving. For instance, my son would love to be a professional sports player, and he is pretty good at his sport. But he doesn't have the physique needed to be a pro, and it is extremely unlikely that he ever will do. It is far better that he has recognised that, continues to enjoy playing as an amateur and is aiming for a more realistic but still sporty career. The other implication of "you can do anything if you work hard enough" is that if you are unsuccessful it is because you didn't work hard enough. That's often not true, and it is a potentially very damaging thing for people to believe about themselves or others.
I prefer to tell my children that if they work hard they will almost certainly do better at things than if they don't but that "you can be anything you want to be" is unfortunately not true.

ZenNudist · 20/01/2020 21:12

Its bollocks. I do work hard, am intelligent, made good practical life choices and finally achieved my career goal by 41. But I was privately educated so Im not kidding myself that I didn't start off with advantages others didn't get. and I had to play office politics to get where I am. Hard work alone would not cut it.

Looobyloo · 20/01/2020 21:13

Yes all those people in minimum wage jobs working their arses off because they didn't gets opportunities some people get. It's utter bollox.

I think having success is partly down to hard work (though some people are just lucky and born into privilege) but more importantly, having confidence and belief in yourself. I'm very hardworking and always have been but I lack confidence.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/01/2020 21:19

You work hard but some people have abilities/skills that are both a) rarer and b) in demand.

DH is really good at his job (financey thing) because it's just how his brain works. I could work as hard as anything and not be good enough, he's just cleverer than me - faster at learning it, better able to understand.

I'm all for a growth mindset but i do believe (by adulthood at least) that humans have varying levels of aptitude and we all have our limitations in different areas.

MoonriseKingdom · 20/01/2020 21:28

If it was all about hard work we would have Boris in charge of the country!

MoonriseKingdom · 20/01/2020 21:29

We wouldn’t!

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