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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think dd17 is going to raves?

75 replies

Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:10

Since around October dd has been telling me that she’s going to sleepovers fairly regularly (around once every 3 weeks) and coming back the next morning very tired. I’ve always put this down to staying up with her friends but before this year she would not stay over at friends’ houses this often- she’d occasionally stay after a party or similar but she hasn’t had specific sleepovers in years. I was reading an article on whether there is a ‘rave renaissance’ occurring earlier this week and have not been able to shake the thought dd has been attending these events. She came back from one of these ‘sleepovers’ today and slept until around 3pm. What can I do short of tracking her?

OP posts:
CostaLotta · 19/01/2020 21:11

Ask her? At 17 she's not a child. Most 17yo are going out, going on holiday with friends etc.

Angeldelight68 · 19/01/2020 21:12

Tracking her? Are you mad? She’s almost 18. Didn’t you go to raves when you were her age? Don’t be that parent. Let her live

DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld · 19/01/2020 21:12

17? I wouldn't be concerned unless you thought she was taking drugs.

I was going to raves at 16 and getting off my nut on all sorts. How my parents didnt spot the signs I have no idea.

adaline · 19/01/2020 21:13

Why does it matter if she is? Confused

positivity123 · 19/01/2020 21:14

Oh to be 17 and going to raves. Sounds awesome. Ask her and if she isn't then send her the link to the article you read.

Horehound · 19/01/2020 21:14

Emmm You've put two and two together and come up with five!
She could easily be staying at friends houses or even a boyfriend or girlfriend.
And even if she was at a rave, what's the problem? I guess you have made up in your head she's taking drugs and giving BJ's in toilets or some such story that's probably not true.
Maybe trust your daughter?

SweetSmellingAlstroemeria · 19/01/2020 21:14

Is she maybe staying with a boyfriend and thinks you wouldn't approve?

Original poster
Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:15

Angeldelight I didn’t mean to suggest that I would actually go to the lengths of tracking her
If I did ask her, I really do not think she’d tell me the truth
I think it’s very likely she would be doing drugs if she was going to these raves. Today, as I was watching her more carefully, I also noticed she ate a lot less than usual which seems quite telling

OP posts:
Saladd0dger · 19/01/2020 21:15

Where’s the raves 👀👀

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 19/01/2020 21:16

Ooh I remember the days of pretending I was staying at a mates and they told their parents the same. Right of passage.

Don't do what mum did, tracked my brother to a house party at 8am the next morning when it was still going, shouting his name through the letter box, properly ruined his street cred!

randomchap · 19/01/2020 21:18

Talk to her, if she is going to raves discuss how to do it safely. if she is going, then there will be drugs there. Help her make good decisions.

Original poster
Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:21

I can try talking to her but knowing her, she will simply lie until she is blue in the face and then be even more secretive about it and I’d like her to be going behind my back as little as possible

OP posts:
Bayleaf25 · 19/01/2020 21:27

Yep, my DS 17 is going to legal raves (mostly organised for U18s). He tells me about them (and shared videos). He’s mostly a good kid, still at 6th form doing ok. So I guess I trust him to spread his wings, as long as I know where he’s with, and who etc. Mostly I check out where he’s going so can check what time things finish etc.

I try to keep a close an eye as possible but he definitely needs to find his own way now or would feel completely stifled. Hope that doesn’t make me sound like a bad parent. I’m very involved with his life and he does spend (some) time with us.

BillHadersNewWife · 19/01/2020 21:29

She's probably got a boyfriend OP and is staying at his but doesn't want to tell you.

Original poster
Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:32

Hm a foot around her room may solve the rave vs boyfriend dilemma (I’m hoping boyfriend as from what I’ve heard in the area the events she’d be attending are abandoned warehouses where the police often get involved in shutting the party down)

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 19/01/2020 21:32

My student DD is a raver, it’s not the drug culture nowadays, they do drink but there’s plenty legal events no need for fields so much 🤣
Why did you jump to a rave? My DD14 stays at her friends and comes home and sleeps all day, 3pm is nothing!

VioletCharlotte · 19/01/2020 21:33

She may well be going to parties and drinking alcohol, not necessarily raves, but she could be. But so do loads of 17 year olds. Why would she lie to you? I'm guessing because she thinks you'll go mad if you found out?

Original poster
Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:35

violetcharlotte I know it’s not parties because she tells me when she’s going to a party and I have no issues with her going to a house party and coming back around 1/2 even though I hear her stumbling about the kitchen Grin
The raves worry me as they are in illegal locations and are (as much as people want to say they are) heavily concentrated on the drugs

OP posts:
JohnVirgo · 19/01/2020 21:38

Would she not tell you if she had a boyfriend though?

Original poster
Hulahoophopper · 19/01/2020 21:41

johnvirgo I don’t know- she had a boyfriend at 15 for around half a year and had no issues having him round and telling me about him etc. Etc. However, if she was going out with a 23 year old I don’t think she’d tell me

OP posts:
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 19/01/2020 21:45

It's not the right time of year for raves.

Unless you travel to places that have warehouses, there's far fewer raves this time of heat because it's too cold for outdoor ones.

There's a billion things she could be doing.

Perhaps she's selling herself? Making a few quid. Ya never know.

zenasfuck · 19/01/2020 21:45

At 17 I'd go out on a Friday night and come home Sunday night, sometimes straight to college Monday morning

Have a chat with her about keeping herself safe, checking in with you so you know roughly where she is and if she's OK and let her enjoy herself

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 19/01/2020 21:46

My student DD is a raver, it’s not the drug culture nowadays

Yes it is. It really really is. Very very is. So much is.

Your daughter knows all the right words to say to you Grin

FrankiesKnuckle · 19/01/2020 21:47

Hm a foot around her room may solve the rave vs boyfriend dilemma (I’m hoping boyfriend as from what I’ve heard in the area the events she’d be attending are abandoned warehouses where the police often get involved in shutting the party down)

Has she time travelled back to '88/89?

Bluerussian · 19/01/2020 21:49

So what if she is going to 'raves'? Didn't you go clubbing as a teenager or something similar, I did and I'm 70. You only have to worry if you think she is taking drugs but not everyone does, it isn't compulsory.

17 is a wonderful age, let your daughter have fun. However you feel, there's nothing you can do about it.