AIBU to still be so angry about this

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

I went to Bills restaurant today. It was only me and my nearly 2 year old DS.

I wasn't going to mention where we ate but I think it's relevant i.e. a family friendly place. It was around 3pm.

I sat down and there was a couple on the table next to me late 40s/early 50s or so. DS was in his high chair and as soon as he sat down he started moaning and crying. He was fairly loud but not hysterical or anything. I gave him my iPhone which didn't calm him down and he was insistent on having the sugar cubes from the jar on the table which I obviously couldn't give him in case he choked.

Anyway, I managed to get the attention of the waitress and ordered some bread. While I was ordering it I heard the man next to me say to the woman he was with something along the lines of they should have different sections in restaurants for children and then he went on to talk about how airlines were going to do the same thing.

By this point I would say DS was crying for 1-2 minutes max. So not long at all and as I say not piercing hysterical crying more loud whinging.

Waitress left. The man then turned to me in a strop and said "thank you for that". Meaning my DS who was still crying. I told him that if he didn't want to go to a family friendly restaurant then he should have gone to the Michelin star restaurant a few doors down.

They stayed quiet for a few mins and then he pipes up to her that "it's the parents' fault" and then loudly says to me that his mum would take him out when he was younger if he created a fuss.

I told him that we were just waiting for food and DS would be fine in a couple of minutes but is too young to be patient or understand but that as an adult he should be patient.

I mentioned it to the waitress who was back at my table and she offered to move them but they said they were fine where they were. She was lovely and offered to move me only if I wanted to but I said that they were the ones with the problem I wasn't moving.

Food arrived and DS was then as good as gold and there was no peep from him.

Inside I was really upset. I don't know why. Even now I feel a bit tense. The waitress apologised to me when they left. There was also a grandad who was with his adult children and granddaughter who cake up to me after he finished his meal and was really nice.

Inside I was so embarrassed though. I just wanted to run and hide and cry. I work f/t and am going through a separation. I like to spend my Saturdays with DS doing an activity and then having a nice lunch. Things like that though just make me dread being alone after my separation from DH as I will have to deal with this kind of crap on my own.

I still feel quite upset about it.

I would add (and this is the only thing that makes me feel better) that I later realised from the conversation he was having with his lady friend that they were on a first date! A part of me thinks his dickish behaviour was a stupid attempt to impress his lady with some kind of macho dominant behaviour I don't know but I still feel upset by the confrontation!

I'm sorry OP, you and your DS had as much right to be there as anyone else. I'd have felt upset too but they were the ones behaving poorly, not you and your son.

I've never heard of Bill's, but I wouldnt take a 2 year old out for a meal with me in a restaurant on my own, as there is noone to take them out if they are noisy. We hardly ate out till the children were old enough to be fairly quiet in a restaurant as I didnt want to ruin anyone else's meal.

Some people are so intolerant. Children have as much right to be in society as adults - and yes, sometimes they cry and moan! As parents we can only do our best to minimise it - we can't get rid of it completely. If you don't want young children about - don't go to a family restaurant. Strange place for a first date!

I had this on holiday (Butlins type place so you can't get more 'family') DS was 2 and to be fair he SCREAMED the restaurant down and we left before they brought food out. It's insanely stressful at the time though when you're being glared and tutted at.

I don't take my 3 year old out now because, honestly I struggle to control him, and he will scream and bolt when he pleases. I don't think this is fair to the staff or other diners anywhere and it just makes me want to scream and cry too!

However your DS doing a bit of whinging and then settling as soon as food arrives isn't anything to complain about!

I think you're right that he was showing off to his lady friend. I feel sorry for her the most actually, how embarrassing for her... unless she was agreeing with him?

Maybe we'll get a thread from her later

Ugh, horrible people. DM, DF, DSis, DBIL, DN, DH, me and our 3 kids once went out for dinner in a fairly fancy place, late-ish on a Saturday. It was not a family restaurant but was the only decent place to eat for miles as it was for a special occasion. We had DD(6), DD(3) and month old newborn. From the second we walked in we got daggers from a couple across the room. Scowling and making loud nasty comments about "bloody children".
The thing is, my children behaved impeccably as they're damn well expected to in a restaurant like that. No noise, no getting up or making mess. No iPads or phones, just eating dinner and talking. Yet STILL the couple wouldn't stop scowling and muttering about us for the whole meal. Funnily enough, there was a table nearby of women who were clearly out for a good night because it was nothing but raucous, really loud laughter, squealing and swearing. It didn't bother us none but to the kid hating table, WE were an issue and the loud obnoxious group of adults disturbing everyone were fine?

Some people are just dicks. I can understand annoyance at a child crying in that restaurant, but if you go to a child friendly place then that's what you damn we'll get. It's the catch to getting relatively cheaper meals.

He was rude, but why didnt you just take your son outside until he had calmed down? Can you not see that diners dont want to be around a crying child? Why bother going for a meal with a 2 y/o anyway, what is the point?

Why bother going for a meal with a 2 y/o anyway, what is the point?

Some parents like spending time eating and interacting with their children over a meal.....

I wouldnt take a 2 year old out for a meal with me in a restaurant on my own, as there is noone to take them out if they are noisy. We hardly ate out till the children were old enough to be fairly quiet in a restaurant as I didnt want to ruin anyone else's meal.

We've always taken my son out to eat since he was a baby, he's 4 now. We ate out a lot before he was born and it would have been a big change to our lifestyle to suddenly stop. Fair enough if you were happy not to, but everyone is different.

We used to take turns to take him out if he cried but ever since he's been able to sit and eat at the table with us we haven't needed to do that. He honestly doesn't ruin anyone's meal, and I've had strangers from other tables comment how good he is on more than one occasion. Since weaning, either me or my husband have always happily taken him for a meal on our own if the other one is not around as we all enjoy it.

We've only got one child though, and he's not prone to running wild, so I can understand with more kids or different personalities I might have to make different choices.

Never understood people with those attitudes in family spaces. I'd have had no problem with your child OP.

What I did have a problem with is two 'lively' (their parents words) little swines in a Toby Carvery. They were about 7 or 8 so old enough to know better.
The pair were treating the place like a playground, their game culminating in flinging the emergency exit open wide. Sat next to the exit was an old man who had walking difficulties and generally looked ill. His family had gone to fetch him food. The door being open repeatedly was obviously causing him discomfort and I had to go and keep closing it.
The fourth time the 'lively' pair came hurtling around the corner towards the door I jumped out in front of them and sternly said 'NO'. They stopped dead in their tracks. Parents were sat close enough to have seen this and exclaimed their angels were just lively. I just glared, kids sat down, old man enjoyed his meal.

So no OP, your grumpy little one is absolutely fine.

Just another story to let you know you’re not alone with this sort of thing;

Went to a restaurant in London, big, spacious, lots of high chairs, kids menu etc etc, with my two kids aged 4 and 2. As soon as we were seated the two women next to us started huffing and puffing and rolling their eyes. One said, ‘For goodness sakes,’while staring at us. They continued to moan for a while and by the way my children had not even made the slightest peep. (They’re not perfect angels but thankfully they were at this point ). Eventually the couple asked to be moved away.

I was so mortified and their hatefulness ruined my day.

As others have said, some people are just mean spirited. You take your kid out, have a good time and know that it’s not personal, they would be dickheads anyway

People do tend to say, “don’t take children to restaurants” and yet expect our kids to be fully socialised as if by magic

As previously mentioned we have taken DS restaurants since he was very small. We were lucky in that he was a placid (lazy) toddler and liked nothing better than sitting in a high chair being fed a steady supply of food and people watching. He was the child at the kid's birthday parties finishing off his plate of food whilst all the other children had a nibble or two then ran off to play.

I remember suggesting to my parents that we went out for lunch at a nice but not posh restaurant for their wedding anniversary and bring DS along who would have been under 2 at the time, and they were quite worried about taking him. They were surprised by how many children were there and how the restaurant catered for children. When I was DS's age it wasn't that common to take your children out for a meal, unless it was a cafe.

I would suggest that if a resturant provides high chairs then one could assume it is 'family friendly', if you dont like the thought of sharing the room with children then go elsewhere.

Mnay years ago dd and I went to our local Indian resturant for an early dinner, she was about 9, 2 guys, older than me, came in and were initially sat on the table next to us, they asked to be moved as 'they would proberbly swear during the course of their meal' DD bless her little heart said 'well, I'm glad they fucked off mummy' I choked on my sag aloo.

A few years ago I was in the USA in Charleston and we were in a family friendly place (although we didn’t have kids back then). There was a table with a family and one of the children was making a loud fuss.

I could see a few people looking and, being British, though “oh no here goes, people are going to moan about this”. But instead the older man leant over and said “we’ve all been there - I remember when mine were small, wowee!, am I right??” looking around at other customers. Various other people pitched in with “yours is fine, don’t worry”, and all manner of nice, kind things. It was so lovely to see and I just felt like that first man had such a kind heart to do that. I remember it 15 years later!

Some people are assholes. Spread the love people, we’re all just trying to get along with our lives and it’s easier to spread kindness than meanness.

Some people are utter dicks. Try and forget it. Hopefully his date saw him for the mean bugger he is and dumped him pdq.

"...offered to move me only if I wanted to but I said that they were the ones with the problem I wasn't moving"

This stood out for me. Yes, the guy at the other table was being an a*se. But you were also being stubborn and if you were so embarrassed and upset about the situation, you could have chosen to move.

I have had that experience in North America, too. Adults being really nice about my DD's frankly frightful behaviour and chuckling over how naughty their DC were at the same age. Wait staff offering to make her special stuff when she didn't like anything off the menu. I was still mortified but by heck they tried!

I’m not particularly child friendly myself, but if you go to a family restaurant, you should expect kids! And very young children can sometimes be unpredictably noisy. I wouldn’t like being next to a squealing or screaming child, got to admit it, but I would keep my thoughts to myself, I know it won’t help anyone.

I have my own adult son and quite honestly I can't bear listening to kids running around, screaming when I go out for food,
I need peace but for fucks sake if that's the case then go out at a time when you know there will be no kids.
I go out to eat late past kids bedtimes or I go to a nice country pub with a big garden I can sit in where they won't bother me.
You adjust your life to suit your preferences. I would not dream of going to a child friendly place in the middle of the day that is just ludicrous.
It's like people who buy a house next to a church then whinge about the bells.

Ugh- he was rude.
It's the circle of kids life tho. They are only small a little while, and their noise is part and parcel
Now my kids are grown I avoid other kids as much as I can, or move seats because guess what? I find them annoying. Which is my problem, and no way would I make any parent feel awkward taking their child out. My kids where just like that once. We all need a little bit of patience tbh.

My kids are seasoned diners. Flyers. All sorts. They’ve never ever run about a restaurant. Or a plane. As long as you entertain them. Why can’t you take them out for a meal? If one did start to get really grisly then I would take them out.

However. Once I was at a pub. One was 1. One was 3. Both in a high chair. The table next to us was making them laugh hysterically by doing funny faces. They were laughing quite loud. But it was only us and the other table (about 6 adults) that were in the whole section. No others there. The owner came over and asked us to leave. At which point I thought he was joking. I said something like. Yeah sure. What for? They are funny. He replied dead serious that I couldn’t allow my children to be laughing in a pub/restaurant at 4.30pm. As that’s when his regulars come in and they’d like peace and quiet.

I was just stunned. So stunned because they’d been in high chairs. They hadn’t run around. They hadn’t cried. Yes they were laughing. But the only other table that was there was involved in that. The ‘pub’ section. Was all the way over the other side of the building. With walls and doors separating it! No way could they hear us

I just walked out. We all just walked out. Shocked.

Some people will complain about anything.

Bill's breakfast is ace.

With DS1 I was a bit nervous of taking him to restaurants. By the time DS2 turned up two years later I couldn't have given less of a shit. In fact, we took them both when DS2 was about 10 days old to a local Thai place - not really a family place but the staff were fantastic with both kids.

I'll admit to feeling quite fractious in a queue the other day because a toddler was doing g a very high pitched screech that went right through me. But I muttered in my head rather than at the parents because I cannot imagine for a second that they were enjoying it...