To think these 10 behaviours from MIL is frustrating

[commuters30]

I don't quite know how to put it. Her heart is in a good place but seems so needy, childish and frustratingly interfering. AIBU to hate being home because of these?

1. Keeps saying how good her food is and not to worry we can have good food again next time she is back (suggesting we slum it when she's not around)

1. Kiss and cuddle and talk to cuddly toys we have bought for our unborn child.

1. When buying new clothes for unborn child, shes constantly making a fuss about why there are now better items in shops than the ones she bought.

1. Makes a point of saying she will miss so many moments in the baby's life and want a photo of how it's going, photo of how our plants are doing, photo of renovations...

1. requires the most basic of reminders like summer is not January or february, which means conversations are always interrupted and focus instead on explaining

1. giggles like a child and say a particular food is her favourite or that she wants something...

1. puts a massive bag of apples on top of the pram,precariously balancing them - instead of just putting it on the tavle

1. uses the radiator to put napkins on during dinner because it's closer, even after I said it's dirty and weird, why not the table it's huge

1. worries before each midwife appointment then afterwards asks how it was like we went to war. anyone who wasn't worried will certainly be after her asking

10. stores raw chicken next to milk and cheese even after explaining - then says sorry! won't do it again. and so many things keep happening the same way...

There comes a point where you either give up and accept these, or tell her each time but that's not nice or sustainable.

Sounds exhausting ☹️

I don’t like my MIL at all, so I regularly sympathise with some of the posters dealing with deranged MIL’s on here. But I’m afraid most of your reasons are ridiculously petty.

Honestly? She sounds fine to me. She sounds like she cares.

But...

It also sounds like she might be unwell.

Rather than frustrated, I’d be worried.

Several of your points would raise concerns for me and would make me encourage her to see a GP.

All of these are things that would be, at most, annoying quirks in someone you like, and maybe wouldn't even register at all. You don't like her and that may be fair enough but these reasons can't be why you don't like her.

She sounds a bit irritating but then anyone would be if they were living in your house. Is she living in your house? If so, why?

Some of those sound quite strange but 7, 8 and 10 - not sure I would be bothered about other people’s household habits, food storage etc...does she live with you? Sounds a bit patronising you “explaining” things to her.

You sound mean

She sounds mentally challenged. Have a bit of compassion.
Let dh deal with her. He can keep her updated with photos etc.

. Smile and nod

1. Smile and nod

1. Attempt to stop her buying for said child. If you can't get her to store clothes at her house

1. Limit photos to what you feel like sending. Def no plants growing.

1. Just carry on the conversation

1. Ignore

1. Put the apples where you want them

1. Ignore. Wash napkins later

1. Don't tell her when appointments are. Limit what info you give her and then she can't get wound up. Same for renovations.

10. Don't let her pack your fridge!

Those all sound mildly irritating at best. Maybe she senses you dont like her and the giggling is a nervous thing. Others people's habits are always magnified when they are staying in your house. Take yourself out for a walk and some fresh air

She sounds caring. Try my mother in law for size:.

1 -has minimum contact with my disabled child and indeed leaves him out choosing only to babysit the "normal kids" as hes too much work

2-babys her two grown up daughters and regularly gets involved in taking sides with them to hang up on me

3-ignores my dear husband, the most loveliest man I've ever met

4-looks down her nose at my parenting,home,clothes basically everything

5-will only see grandchildren when it suits Her.

6-has never once offered to help me with kids when I've been ill with severe depression, PND,multiple hospital surgeries

7-never offers me a cup of tea at her home

I envy those with interfering caring to much MILs ,mine doesnt give a shit

YABU

A lot of it sounds like she struggles with living far away(?) and not being a regular part of your lives. MIL is similar (they live abroad).
How long is she staying?

I’m sure someone could come up with 10 things you do that annoy them. And post them on the internet.

Yeah, my MIL could easily find 10 things that annoy her about me I’m sure!

You sound a bit strange tbh? Nothing major there at all annoying but hardly worth starting a thread over. Weird.

She sounds nervous and insecure. Does she have a good relationship with her son? Has he said if she was like this growing up?

It just sounds like she's trying too hard to be honest, maybe you inadvertently make her feel inferior? Are you a capable sort?

@BettysLeftTentacle which points sound unwell?

For context, she lives with us for 2 or 3 months at a time. No denying she cares, but just feels like the attention needed, the disruption to our lives and the random stuff that happens are making life very difficult. Looks like im being unreasonable though so think I just need to figure out how to cope...

I get describing her as needy or childish (stuck in her own ways, a bit dozey)... but how is she interfering? Which item was interfering??

Wow yabu. You made a list of really trivial stuff. It sounds like she cares. Bloody hell.

Her not knowing when seasons/months are and being excessively anxious, plus needing photos of things for context and poor spatial/risk assessment (the apples, the fridge) sound like she might have some kind of cognitive issue.

(I'm not a doctor, take it with a pinch of salt, but I'd be considering whether the menopause or dementia, depending on age, might be a factor)

Really trivial stuff. Did you do that from memory, or keep a list as they cropped up? She sounds fine. I wonder if she could come up with a list of 10 equally annoying things about you?

requires the most basic of reminders like summer is not January or february, which means conversations are always interrupted and focus instead on explaining

Surely that's quite worrying?

The comments about only her food being nice could be annoying the rest would be slightly irritating but not a big deal.

Oh, and the stuff with the soft toys is exactly what my grandma started doing when we realised she was developing vascular dementia. So there were quite a few things in that post that flagged up to me.

But otherwise, most of that doesn't sound interfering, even if she's not ill. Just a bit quirky or odd. Doesn't sound like you like her much!

You sound quite horrible