To think these 10 behaviours from MIL is frustrating

[commuters30]

I don't quite know how to put it. Her heart is in a good place but seems so needy, childish and frustratingly interfering. AIBU to hate being home because of these?

1. Keeps saying how good her food is and not to worry we can have good food again next time she is back (suggesting we slum it when she's not around)

1. Kiss and cuddle and talk to cuddly toys we have bought for our unborn child.

1. When buying new clothes for unborn child, shes constantly making a fuss about why there are now better items in shops than the ones she bought.

1. Makes a point of saying she will miss so many moments in the baby's life and want a photo of how it's going, photo of how our plants are doing, photo of renovations...

1. requires the most basic of reminders like summer is not January or february, which means conversations are always interrupted and focus instead on explaining

1. giggles like a child and say a particular food is her favourite or that she wants something...

1. puts a massive bag of apples on top of the pram,precariously balancing them - instead of just putting it on the tavle

1. uses the radiator to put napkins on during dinner because it's closer, even after I said it's dirty and weird, why not the table it's huge

1. worries before each midwife appointment then afterwards asks how it was like we went to war. anyone who wasn't worried will certainly be after her asking

10. stores raw chicken next to milk and cheese even after explaining - then says sorry! won't do it again. and so many things keep happening the same way...

There comes a point where you either give up and accept these, or tell her each time but that's not nice or sustainable.

I assumed that the reference to her not knowing/remembering when summer is because she lives in a different hemisphere to you, OP? So she keeps forgetting that if you're telling a story about January it's not summer like it is for her?

Those are really petty things. I can see they would grate when you dislike her, but they aren't awful things about someone at all.

That’s what I assumed too LisaSimpsonsbff. Not that she literally thought it was summer in January.

@LisaSimpsonsbff I read it that way too. My mum is in nz. So her summer is January.

Mil. My mil is in nz. Not my mum.

I literally don’t even put the kettle on for them when they come over, I leave the dashing about to DH. I used to churn out homemade cakes and basically make a massive fuss but no longer. They’ve basically run my natural good will into the ground. I can’t seem make them like me so I’ve quit completely.

Negative controlling gossiping middle England fuckbags

Anyone would get on your nerves if they lived with you for two or three months at a time but she doesn't sound too bad.

I presume the raw chicken in the fridge next to other stuff is properly packaged.

I assume she isn't English and usually lives abroad?
Could some of these things be due to language difficulties?

I feel your pain. My mil and sil do not really know or understand me at all. I know they think I’m psycho etc but I just see that as how they project their anger at me because I’ve said stuff about them in the past that’s valid but of course they don’t like. Luckily my hubby agrees and is v supportive. Best thing is minimal contact. Good luck!

This sounds cultural as much as anything else. Assume you do not share a nationality? I thought the same as the pp, with the jan / feb summers being indicative of different hemispheres.

Those behaviours would wear me down, if I was dealing with them for 3 months at a time. YANBU.

I’d be annoyed by the behaviours you’ve mentioned after a few days let alone weeks at a time, but wouldn’t call what you’ve listed necessarily interfering.

At least she apologises for getting things wrong? (Better than her having a meltdown or sulking etc.)

She does sound a bit head in the clouds on some of the points and if it helps, my MIL only lives a 30 minute drive away and sees my Twins every other weekend but still laments not being able to spend more time with them... I think it sounds like your MIL is trying, but laying some firm boundaries might be needed (with your DH at the forefront).

She does sound a bit ditsy, mildly irritating but basically caring and wanting to feel involved. A couple of things do ring alarm bells with me as other posters have pointed out, eg. the need for reminders re.basics. She actually sounds quite childlike.

I think the problem with this post is that you've mixed quite pretty mean things in with things that are legitimately frustrating so it seems like you're generally just gunning for her.

What's wrong with how stuff goes in the fridge. You sound anal

I know I sound mean.

The chicken next to milk thing - that's putting raw chicken next to consumables.

The season thing - no, she literally said it's February soon so it's summer. She's from the northern hemisphere.

I like her as a person, but drives me mad after 3 months. Then after a few months, she visits and it's fine then by the end of 3 months I'm up the wall again

Does she have any learning difficulties? Sounds a bit like she may have difficulty retaining information.

Sounds like onset dementia

I feel very sorry for your poor MIL. It seems the poor woman can't win whatever she does.

Are you pregnant op? Fair enough to find someone in your space for three months irritating if so!

How old is she? How far away does she live?

They do sound annoying but all I can offer is solidarity and just smile and nod and count down the days she leaves.

My MIL is full of compliments, one of which was her telling me how she was shocked to hear I was pregnant as she had doubts I would be a good mother Mentioned this to all my friends who were shocked and thought this was extremely rude as they thought the complete opposite when they heard I was pregnant. All I can do is grit my teeth and be thankful she lives at the other end of the country and I only have to see her twice a year!

There are some things in your list which could be early signs of dementia in your MIL but, equally there are other points that make you sound a little odd too. I mean, apart from not really getting why the apples things is such an issue, why on earth is there a pram in your kitchen when you haven't even given birth?

None of these sound bad but if she is living with you then it is probably just general frustration which is understandable. My MIL is really horrible so I probably think yours is fine when comparing.

I used to get cross with my late DM about some similar things. When she was diagnosed with senile dementia in her late 80s I realised some of it was the start of that. Some of your points (eg January is not summer) would make me wonder.