Too fat and not posh

[Sundancer77]

We have a children’s birthday to attend this afternoon, in a beautiful hotel inside a marquee.
Between the WhatsApp group, some of us texting to ask what to to wear etc, host said warm things (is raining today here etc) but very posh.
I’ve just gone upstairs to look and realised I have basically nothing posh enough in winter clothes and I look fat and horrible after years of ivf and having a baby.
Aibu to cancel as I just feel crappy?
This has definitely spurred me on to lose weight and do something about it!

[Lippy1234]

Choose your favourite top and bottom that do fit, do your hair nice and wear a smile. I’m sure once you’re there you’ll relax and enjoy it.

[NewName73]

OP I am both fat and quite posh!

I guarantee you it does not matter what you wear to a kids birthday party.

But if the weather is wet I advise you to wear flat shoes or boots, because if it is in a marquee you will need to walk across muddy grass or even a field to get there. I once wore sequinned trainers to a kids party in a marquee and it was a very bad idea.

Go, your little one will enjoy it & I expect you will too, & it would be rude to cancel now. You would be judged more for that than for what you wear.

I would wear: clean jeans, boots, warm jumper, makeup & nice earrings. Bring a waterproof coat if you have one. Maybe a nice scarf.

Have a lovely time!

[Catapillarsruletheworld]

It’s a kids party?!

Wear jeans and a jumper and have good time.

[NewName73]

Also, OP, and I mean the nicely, it is very unlikely that anyone else will notice what you are wearing.

Assuming you don't turn up in an evening dress or clown suit.

[User12879923378]

The thought of a party in a marquee in this weather fills me with abject terror. I'd go dark and warm and not worry about it at all.

[Sundancer77]

Thanks all,

I’m very aware that I sound like a miserable cow!
It’s not as much about what people will think of me, as I’m sure they won’t judge and any that did..F them, it’s more that I have nothing nice anymore, don’t feel nice and geberally just feel very uncomfortable in myself with the extra weight, it’s hard to enjoy yourself like that at times, which I realise might sound ridiculous to some, but it’s how I feel.
I’ve been on both sides and know the difference, squeezing myself into something ‘Hopefully passable’ and feeling uncomfortable inside isn’t a great feeling!

[Sundancer77]

*Generally

[AiryFairyMum]

Black leggings, black top, black boots and a scarf. You'll look fab.

[Sundancer77]

@User12879923378 I’m not in the uk so it is warmer than there, but still not hot and cool and rainy today.

[quirkychick]

Can you dress up what you're planning to wear with some nice accessories? A scarf (as mentioned above), some jewellery, bag etc. to make you feel more dressed up. Also, if you're not in the UK the interpretation of 'posh' might be different.

[SnorkMaiden81]

Honest to god, I bet everyone turns up in smart casual at MOST.

[Littleshortcake]

I would wear black and maybe nice jewellery and a scarf or something to dress up the outfit.

[IntermittentParps]

Black leggings, black top, black boots and a scarf. You'll look fab.
I agree with this. And anyway, in the nicest possible way, it's about the children having fun, not about you. Focus on them. Then turn your attention to sprucing up your wardrobe/getting fitter/anything else you want to do to feel better about yourself afterwards.

[Sally872]

If someone said can I dress posh and reply was yes then that is not the same as stating you should dress posh. Probably meant as reply "you wont feel out of place in your posh dress" rather than "i expect everyone to be dressed up"

I would always rather be underdressed than overdressed so I think boots with jeans or skirt will be nice. And if a little more casual than some I wouldn't worry.

[CassidyStone]

Long tunic top, thick opaque tights, flat knee boots, chunky jewellery, a bit of make-up and you'll look fabulous.

You are two stone overweight, not 20 stone, so stop worrying, go and have fun. Congratulations on your baby.

[thejollyroger]

I would wear my darkest jeans, smartest boots (not very) and a jumper, maybe with a shirt under it.

[readingismycardio]

How the fuck does anyone dress WARM and POSH? And what's posh?

[DeathByPuppy]

Thermals under your ballgown, @readingismycardio?

[readingismycardio]

@DeathByPuppy sounds like this is where fashion goes to die...

[Blibbyblobby]

Burka! No one will know how posh or fat you are underneath

[Bluntness100]

Op, some people are trying to make this about the host, like she's done something terribly wrong. In reality it's about your own feelings about yourself. Not about her.

She has made no demands, and as the child is one, yes she's using it as an excuse to have a party with her friends and family, and the venue is upmarket. So what. Good for her, I hope everyone has a fab time. She's made no demands, all she's done is ask people to wrap up warm, and responses to a question on whether the venue was posh or not. Many people don't want to turn up at a posh venue in their scruffy jeans and relish a chance to dress up. Having a child doesn't mean you need to spend your life at soft play dressed like a scruff bag.

Don't let your negative feelings about your appearance start to negatively impact your life.. I get you've no clothes you think are suitable and don't want to look out of place, but really no one will give a shit. No one. Go and have fun. Just wear whatever and try to not let it heavily weigh on your mind.

Because missing out is going to make you more miserable. Thinking you're missing out for no other reason than you have put on weight and don't think you've anything suitable to wear.

[LellyMcKelly]

Dress like you were going for lunch with a friend. Don’t let your kid miss out on a party because you feel a bit chunky.

[Ninkanink]

In regards to party attire - you’re overthinking it. As you’ve said, the host is perfectly nice and didn’t actually make any demands, just clarified in response to a question. Nice dark jeans, smart top or jumper, flats or not too high boots. That’s plenty nice enough.

In regards to how you’re feeling in general - this is very normal after having a baby. You can get back to being ‘you’, if you want to, it just takes a little time and effort.

Go, and have fun!

[chocatoo]

In my experience really posh people tend to look scruffy anyway!

[Strategicchoring]

Everyone will be focused on the DC op so try not to worry! Wear something simple/classic and focus on your hair. Hope your DC are enjoying it!

I have 20 kgs to lose before a wedding this spring(ish) . (Yes I know - probably won't lose it all - but date not finally fixed yet) so I know how you feel! Use this feeling as a catalyst to take action! I will be doing the same!

I only have an older teen nowadays so I have the time (and find it really helpful every year) to get together two "occasion" outfits (one for summer, one for winter, and my very sociable friend does another one for in-between weather and one for a funeral too) and keep them in your wardrobe with a bag containing accompanying tights, underwear, jewellery, etc. Do this in Feb/March for the summer and in August/Sept for the winter. Some people try their outfits on in front of the mirror and photograph themselves so they remember accompanying shoes/hat/ handbag too. That way, if you are invited to a party, a wedding, a baptism etc, you always have something ready and your choices are considered and not cobbled together at the last minute , like I used to do!