Too fat and not posh

[Sundancer77]

We have a children’s birthday to attend this afternoon, in a beautiful hotel inside a marquee.
Between the WhatsApp group, some of us texting to ask what to to wear etc, host said warm things (is raining today here etc) but very posh.
I’ve just gone upstairs to look and realised I have basically nothing posh enough in winter clothes and I look fat and horrible after years of ivf and having a baby.
Aibu to cancel as I just feel crappy?
This has definitely spurred me on to lose weight and do something about it!

This is it, since Dd came, I barely even wear make up anymore, it’s more the weight, I used to love going clothes shopping, now I hate it, hence why I don’t have anything remotely passable anymore 🤷‍♀️
In summer I can do as have a few nice summer dresses, short sleeved cover ups etc..I still don’t feel great but it’s easier.
I’m literally sat here still in pj bottom and big jumper, looking at the rain thinking ‘Meh’

I'd go, it's a children's party so no one will be looking at what the adults are wearing. I'm guessing she's not posh herself because otherwise she wouldn't request guests to dress posh. I would go for jeans, shirt and jumper.

Go and have fun. If anyone says anything about what you are wearing laugh it off and say you assumed the posh clothing was a joke for the children to wear, as they are the guests and you are merely keeping an eye on them.

Summer dress over long sleeved top and leggings or skinny jeans?
Do you have any shoes that aren’t trainers?

Perhaps she meant that if someone wanted to dress posh they could because they won't be getting dirty doing activities with the children, rather than that it was expected that people would dress posh. Maybe jeans with a jumper and boots rather than hoodie and trainers.

Honestly, no one will care what you are wearing unless you do something extreme and turn up in your jammies. I think you should go and enjoy the event. It’s a bit mean to have accepted the invitation and to now be complaining about there being nothing for your child to do.

On the other hand if you haven't got children who are looking forward to going then there really isn't any need to force yourself to go if you really don't want to, given that you've said there will be lots of other people there.

If I ever struggle with 'posh' I rock up in my wellies, hunting jacket and hay in my hair as I would have just done the horses. Acceptable 'posh' every time. Common as muck really

Just to note here, I’m not in the uk so it’s geberally fairly warm here, another reason for not having many warm clothes, I’m not just a scruffy sod 🙈😂
I just spend all my time now in jeans, boots/trainers and tops 🤷‍♀️
They will get very dressed up I’d imagine, I can just see it and know this kind of event here.
I was going to go with nice-ish long sleeve top, dark jeans and heels (I haven’t worn heels for at least 10 years 😬)

In all seriousness you can't go wrong with black.

Black leggings
Ballerina pumps
Cape / kaftan etc

Don't wear heels unless there'll be plenty of opportunity to sit.

@GoldfishRampage
Totally not complaining about there being nothing for the children to do, just trying to paint a picture of the type of event it is.
I Definitely have smarter things than trainers, nice jumpers, jeans, boots etc..but I know this event is expecting more than this 🙄

I agree re a nice bright scarf. If you don't have one you can probably get one on the way? Even a supermarket will have one.

Go as you are.
She invited you and wants you and your child there, as you are.
Ignore any texts as these could be misunderstood or jokey.

Go as you are. Good luck.

What you were thinking sounds fine.

Breaks my heart to read this. You are right exactly how you are. You are under no obligation to be a different weight or shape. You are no less lovable or special because you are heavier than you used to be. Please just go. Jeans, top and heels sound great. I find lipstick, jewellery and a big smile can make anything look great. Just go and enjoy yourselves! Even if you just go for a bit, it's always nice to see other people. Don't hide away and don't be so harsh on yourself. Would you say what you've written about yourself here to a friend in the same possible? I doubt it. Treat yourself kindly.

If the invite didn't specify a dress code - then most people going won't know about the 'posh' bit.

Wear what you like.

You plan sounded great.

You are not the centre-piece of the party or anything. People will have other things to look at and think about.

(+Congratulations on your IVF success . A baby is the best and most distracting accessory for such occasions :) - they are lovely at 18 months!)

If the invitation didn’t say posh, I’m sure there’ll be lots of people there in casual clothes. ‘Posh’ is not a dress code. Dark jeans are acceptable for Smart Casual, and lots of posh events are actually fairly scruffy IME.

Wear what the hell you want to.
I dress for comfort not style. If someone wants to judge negatively, crack on, I say.
Other people’s issues are their problem to resolve or not.

I’m at the age where kids are grown up and the mortgage is paid up, so I have more money for posh hotels. One of the things I was looking forward to was dressing up, think cocktail dresses and heels. However I have found that very few people dress up even at posh hotels, usually I feel overdressed.
So personally I wouldn’t worry op, jeans and a jumper will be fine.

Any chance she was referring to the children's attire, rather than yours? My toddler has a number of princess gowns etc bought by relatives and nowhere to wear them.

You’ll likely cause more offence if you don’t go than if you turn up wearing something not quite right.

Go.

Go and enjoy!