Too fat and not posh

[Sundancer77]

We have a children’s birthday to attend this afternoon, in a beautiful hotel inside a marquee.
Between the WhatsApp group, some of us texting to ask what to to wear etc, host said warm things (is raining today here etc) but very posh.
I’ve just gone upstairs to look and realised I have basically nothing posh enough in winter clothes and I look fat and horrible after years of ivf and having a baby.
Aibu to cancel as I just feel crappy?
This has definitely spurred me on to lose weight and do something about it!

[raspberrymolakoff]

"I've known more than one person who's lost weight but retained the insecurity..."

^^
This, so true. I've also known very overweight people who ooze confidence.
Put the one day behind you, onwards and upwards.

[Herbalteahippie]

Just wear what you want and add some nice jewellery and accessories

[Sundancer77]

*Generally
*I’m slightly pissed off

The kids were all lovely and dressed up/fancy so I’m guessing she may have misunderstood and meant that possibly, but not the hosts fault in any way..is mine and mine to get over 😬

[Sundancer77]

Thanks all 🙏
Realise it’s ridiculous and geberally always shake myself out of it, not sure what happened today 🙄
Although as slightly pissed off as just looked at some WhatsApp videos and pics sent through and one woman wearing a puffa jacket and a guy in trainers 🤷‍♀️😂
It looked spectacular though, fireworks when the rain stopped etc 💜
I’d probably need to lose 2 stone to be ok, but I’m only 5’3, so it doesn’t look good on me..in an ideal world a few stone to get back to around 9ish

[raspberrymolakoff]

Oh I'm sorry you didn't go but I've done it myself. Don't let your weight stop you OP. Society has gone a bit mad if people can't go out as they feel unable for being 2 stone overweight.

I also agree with PP who pointed out the "poshest" people (I hate the word, it's so judgmental) are usually the scruffiest, at least in UK. To be fair it sounds as if she replied to queries that the place was posh not that the guests needed to look the same. At the end of the day it was a children's party. Next time, wear whatever makes you feel best and go and enjoy. I've been there (being the fat mum) but make your face the best you can and have fun, it'll do you good.

[kingkuta]

You're only two stone over your ideal weight. What's that, one dress size? You need to buy a couple of outfits to suit your current shape that you look great in. It's a shame your child, and you, missed out on a nice party today. I'm sure no one would have given a flying fuck that your outfit was a bit tight.

[Nai89]

If you don't want to go, you don't need reasons or the need to explain. Focus on yourself and your little family, you're doing great! I've been to far many occasions to please people and in return you expect nothing and get nothing... sometimes I've regretted making the effort and wish I just stayed in! Xx

[WhatAMum01]

I'd wear a blazer over a dress or top or thin knit jumper some nice tights heels and makeup,sounds like getting dressed up and out is exactly what you need
You will no doubt enjoy it and feel more confident after it.nothing to be lost really by going.

[Ninkanink]

First things first! Get yourself two nice outfits, that fit you right now. Do not ‘wait til you lose weight’ - you should invest in yourself now, as you are. It will instantly make you feel better.

[glueandstick]

I hear you. If you don’t feel comfortable you won’t enjoy yourself.

I hope you find peace with yourself this year. I’ve been there. So so been there. If you want to chat drop a message- genuine offer. Someone here helped me no end for a big husband’s work dinner last year and I’m eternally grateful for that and would like to pass it on.

[Sundancer77]

Surely other people out there feel like me? 🤷‍♀️🤔

[Sundancer77]

*The old me
*Colours

[Sundancer77]

Don’t all shout at me 🙈I didn’t go 😬but..it’s ok.
I felt terrible but my friend wasn’t concerned at all, many many people there, is a common theme, lots of us drop out from events through baby related illnesses etc, I’ve attended her casual house parties.
I did feel kinda gutted not to go but it has given me the will now to really get back to my old me, it colors so much of my life and I’m not keen on not embracing every part of life and not truly living. I’m the same with not wanting full length photos taken etc, and I just basically want to enjoy clothes again and make an effort!

I get what a poster said about the wealthier the people (old school money) the scruffier, as ive also found that lots too 😂 very large amounts of money and good, but old cars, messy homes, children in the same clothes..all ok things 🤣but it doesn’t tend to be like that here (large ex pat community too) I’ve only really seen similar with Swedish friends and possibly French.
Often, they tend to be either v smart and conservative wealthy types or the complete opposite and very visible signs of wealth and big labels everywhere 🙈
I just knew today that I wasn’t prepared fully and my clothes weren’t even nice anymore really as I’ve stopped making the effort and hard as it is running around after a toddler, I need to find that time!

[NewName73]

OP, please come back and tell us how you got on.

Hope you and your little one had a good time.

[pigsDOfly]

Jesus Christ, a children's party with a dress code?

Bugger that.

I can do 'posh' whatever that means, as much as the next woman, but it's a children's birthday party. With children. Who dresses elegantly for something like that?

A decent pair of jeans or other trousers and jumpers of some sort is fine.

Are they going to be wanting to look at the price tag or label of your clothes before they let you through the door?

Try not to judge yourself so harshly OP.

If people look at your clothes and judge you not up to scratch it say a lot about them and they're not worth having as friends.

[Bluntness100]

In my experience really posh people tend to look scruffy anyway

Not at social events in upmarket venues they usually don't.

It's not about posh people, it's not about the host, it's about how the op feels about herself and feeling she's nothing appropriate to wear to an upmarket venue.

[Ineedaweeinpeace]

Your worth as a person is not about how much you weigh or about how you look. You’ve been invited by a friend! Go and have fun!

[Marleyj8]

OP I'm sure you will look lovely, please go. Enjoy yourself

[Strategicchoring]

In my experience really posh people tend to look scruffy anyway!

Not necessarily if she's on the continent. Think posh scruffiness might be more of a British thing?

[Strategicchoring]

Everyone will be focused on the DC op so try not to worry! Wear something simple/classic and focus on your hair. Hope your DC are enjoying it!

I have 20 kgs to lose before a wedding this spring(ish) . (Yes I know - probably won't lose it all - but date not finally fixed yet) so I know how you feel! Use this feeling as a catalyst to take action! I will be doing the same!

I only have an older teen nowadays so I have the time (and find it really helpful every year) to get together two "occasion" outfits (one for summer, one for winter, and my very sociable friend does another one for in-between weather and one for a funeral too) and keep them in your wardrobe with a bag containing accompanying tights, underwear, jewellery, etc. Do this in Feb/March for the summer and in August/Sept for the winter. Some people try their outfits on in front of the mirror and photograph themselves so they remember accompanying shoes/hat/ handbag too. That way, if you are invited to a party, a wedding, a baptism etc, you always have something ready and your choices are considered and not cobbled together at the last minute , like I used to do!

[chocatoo]

In my experience really posh people tend to look scruffy anyway!

[Ninkanink]

In regards to party attire - you’re overthinking it. As you’ve said, the host is perfectly nice and didn’t actually make any demands, just clarified in response to a question. Nice dark jeans, smart top or jumper, flats or not too high boots. That’s plenty nice enough.

In regards to how you’re feeling in general - this is very normal after having a baby. You can get back to being ‘you’, if you want to, it just takes a little time and effort.

Go, and have fun!

[LellyMcKelly]

Dress like you were going for lunch with a friend. Don’t let your kid miss out on a party because you feel a bit chunky.