to Be upset for my child and think we deserve better

[Shockedmama]

My daughter is 9 and has had long standing friend ship issues at school. Most of the time the 2 girls gang up on her and isolate her. She belonged to a sports club in which these 2 And another girl whose mum I am friends with belonged. My daughter left as they were not very nice to her.
My friend is more than aware of this situation but has started to invite these girls over to hers which impacts my daughter daughter school she gets Told nasty things that have been said etc and it’s really affecting her. I told my friend a while ago how I felt and She said it’s not going to change anything that’s going to happen and it feels like it’s getting worse. A number of things have happened to my daughter at school and now they have invited most others including a girl my daughter was friends with to their birthdays etc but not my daughter. My heart breaks for her every time she moves on they seem to take others away do I just move on and away even from my friend as it’s getting too hurtful to stand by and keep watching my daughter be hurt time and time again. Honestly feel like just ghosting my so called ‘friend’ right now but maybe I’m being to over protective

Oh that's hideous...how awful for your dd. I take it you've spoken to the school about this?

What have the school said OP? I think your friend is in an awkward situation. If her DD asks to have these two girls over, it would be hard to say no she can't be friends with them. Have you made an effort to invite people over to yours? Sorry OP it does sound really hard.

Might be best to fight fire with fire - for her birthday send a class invite that only excludes the bullies.

My dd was constantly excluded from things by a hideous group of girls and their conniving mothers.

Hilariously my DD is now the one who keeps the group together now they are all at different universities and I regularly meet up with the mums.

I do still have simmering resentment about the past and enjoy many moments of Karma.

I encouraged friendships with the less popular children in her year group which gave her a safe place.

This isn’t what I want to do but both me and my daughter don’t like doing things like that as feel bad! Iv always invited said child despite her being vile to my child I’m not doing so this year Iv always tried to be inclusive cannot bear to think of children being left out!

Jayalfred this is what upsets me I think it’s time the mothers encouraging it so what chance do we have! Iv told my daughter that I wouldn’t have let her go anyway as that mix is trouble and also encouraged other friendships but I have watched it happen she will make a new friend then one go the girls will say to the new friend that my daughter has said something about them planting that seed it’s so horrible. Sometimes the girl is believed sometimes not my daughter has developed a tic this past year and I’m sure it’s rwlated . Iv told the school
But this girl is a very good actress it causes more stress than anything as the school make it worse!

Thank you all for replying I guess I’m not crazy then!

Get her out of that school if you possibly can.
Meanwhile get a copy of the school anti bullying policy and go through it line by line, highlighting every single point and word that is relevant.
Ask for a meeting with the safeguarding person and ask them how they intend to protect your child and deal with the bullying.
Keep looking for another school.

You definitely need to talk to the school.

Is it possible to take her to clubs slightly outside of your immediate area so that she mixes with children other than those she sees at school. This worked really well for us.

Endodtheline
I have really thought about changing schools but I don’t want her to have that label for herself she left the sports club already and it affected her. She hasn’t friends at school good friend they are just told things about her or that she has said (untrue) I don’t understand what it is about my daughter that this girl hates she’s actively tells my friend and her daughter she hates me daughter (they tell us this) Iv tried even having her round including her , then moving on it just doesn’t stop

I have started writing a list/diary about all the things that have happened it’s awful

I think you should ghost your so called friend and ramp up the pressure on school to deal with it. It s bullying in a horrible insidious way that groups of girls do best.
Stop being nice and inclusive when they are excluding your dd.
School should take notice if she s developing tics. That s a sign of extreme stress.

Honestly I’d move schools.

I would expand dds friendships away from the school environment by joining clubs, sports etc.

Jealousy.
My dd was bullied in her sports club by 2 silly girls with equally silly parents. She kept going, worked hard and did very well.
Silly girls and parents couldn't stand it.
Dd is still hard working, kind, generous and successful.
The other girls are still silly.
A new start could be the right thing for your dd.
IME schools are hopeless at dealing with bullying.

Several girls at dds primary school not in her year have moved to the other primary citing friendship issues. No one thinks anything negative whatsoever about the movers. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. My sister moved my niece at 9. She’s blossomed once out of that toxic environment and has a lovely jolly group of normal friends.

DD was bullied at primary, not many moved to secondary from the school, my child is life and soul of group.

You really need to move the school she goes to. It doesn't matter about who's winning, it matters that she gets a chance to be happy.

Oh, and obviously don't bother with the so-called friend of yours, she sounds very uncaring.

I’d move schools

From experience it doesn’t stop and Ramos up in years 5 and 6 and two years is a long time for a 9 year old.

They get pleasure from her suffering.

DD moved schools and she loved her final years, some great kids grounded parents and school staff were brilliant!

She goes to another club and loves it there, she’s very shy at first and I’m just worried if I move her then what if the same thing happens again and she is in the worst position of having no one at all. Although she is telling me she is largely on her own at the minute at school.
I know it’s the kind of underhand bullying that goes un noticed! Someone else left a few years ago because of one fo the girls siblings! I’m going to speak with the school and show them my diary the last few months and see what suggestions they have . Part of me thinks is it dd, but maybe she needs a fresh start!

Green tulips did she know anyone at the new school?

You need to contact the school and local education office if needs be.

How awful for your DD.

The other mother also needs told what a nasty piece of work she is allowing her daughter to behave like that to another girl.

Please don’t blame your DD.

Kids bully because they can. No one stops them. They don’t have consequences until they get to high schools. They become Lonely because no one wants to round that crap. Karma

Have a look at the schools complaints policy.

Quote it. If you have a meeting follow up with an email detailing dates times etc

Be professional - My daughter feels, My DD has said, DD has been xxx - don’t get emotional.