To be desperately worried about our future

[oncelovedclarins]

Dh finally lost his job just before Christmas last year (great timing) and we have four children.

He is addicted to various over the counter meds and he battles the craving for one with another.

As a result to be honest he is little or no use (this isn’t a ltb thread but it’s true) I do everything. But we have very very little money and four children.

What the hell can i do

www.ukat.co.uk/prescription-drug-addiction/
Here’s a starting point. I’m sorry for your situation but you sound like “we’ve tried nuthin and we’re all out of ideas” type person. Maybe get off mn and look at websites that might offer some relevant information.

When they are grown up, how do you want your children to remember their childhood?

The reality is he has to do something or you do.

You're enabling him right now by just making excuses for him and not placing him in a position where he has to engage in support. Your life must be miserable. Codeine misuse is a massive and well known problem. There are programs for it and detox programmes which are community based and will support him but the key will be that he has to do it himself no one can do it for him.

If you were thinking inpatient detox and rehab then you're dreaming. Very rare now unless very risky detoxes and you have to be a firmly engaged patient who is working well with the community team/GP.

Instead of focusing on what isn't available what is? What is he using? A lot of GPs will have supported withdrawal when did he last see them and tell them honestly where he's at?

What is he actually doing rather than spending your money to support his habit?

Also Al-Anon is for partners of those who suffer with addiction too.

Narcotics Anonymous seems more relevant here and they have plenty of community support all over the country.

At the moment he's done nothing to help himself. You don't seem to know what you want from this thread other than tea and sympathy and you're becoming defensive when people don't give it to you.

You'll find people more responsive when it feels like you've at least tried. Or at least it looks like he even wants to try and you aren't enabling him.

What do YOU think your options are? More importantly what options has your DH come up with ?

Over the counter meds. Codeine mostly.

How much codeine does he take daily and how long has he been on them?

I'm on 2x30mg tablets at least 3 times a day and have been for the last 3+ years. I can reduce the dose as needed without any problems.

I guess addiction to something like this also depends on the person.

This sounds like a really tough for you and your children -particularly your eldest who is old enough to know what's going on

Sadly, as is often the case with addiction, unless the person acknowledges there is a problem and is willing to engage with help, there is very little anyone can do. They just carry on,dragging everyone else down with them.

Would it be possible for you to work outside of the home in something better paid? Equally, he needs to be looking for work a-ok, he can't work in the same field as before but he isn't a stupid person so he should be able to find something to do.

In all honesty, if it was me, I would be tempted to tell him to move out until he has got help and is ready to come back and contribute. Harsh,bit sometimes, it's the only way.

OP, your children deserve a better life than they’re getting with a self-pitying father whose addiction is the centre of your family’s life.

You deserve better too, but it’s your choice. Your children don’t have a choice.

He doesn’t sound responsible enough to care for a baby while you work full-time. But it also sounds as if you haven’t explored all possible sources of help and advice.

please don’t dismiss the good advice you are getting here.

DHs father was an alcoholic
His mum finally left when their GP told her “he’s going to go under, the question you need to ask yourself is are you and the children going with him?”
Ask yourself OP and then decide what you are going to do

The good advice I’m getting is non existent support groups and leaving. If I leave I can’t work, so then we can’t live. So that’s bad advice.

If you think he's ok to have the DC while you work, he can still do that if you don't live with him.

What have you tried?

It's simply not true that services don't exist. They do. Your GP does. Addiction services funded by NHSE exist in every CCG.

What area are you in I'll find it for you if you're not willing to use google.

Have a read of this advice from relate. The scenario is a little different from what is going on in your life. But there are parallels - 4 children with the husband addicted to meds. The relate counsellor is emphasising that there is nothing you can do until he reaches his rock bottom.

She also advises that you, as the partner get therapy yourself. I think this is the best way forward, along with trying to find another source of income. You also need clarity in the situation.

It is very easy for us, as outsiders to say ltb. But it’s scary for you to do this and it’s a decision you alone can make. www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/feeling-unsatisfied-your-relationship/ask-ammanda-my-husband-addicted-drugs-and-has-betrayed-my-trust

What do you expect people to say OP?

You are giving very little information to go on and you are being hostile to people trying to help.

I hope things work out for all of you

Take you husband and go and have a chat with your GP as a first step and take it from there. Maybe you will need to threaten DH that you will leave unless he goes to the appointment.

OP what do you want from this thread. You have every right to be worried and indeed continuing on as is won’t help

Practically have you looked at ensuring you have all the benefits you need and budgeted properly
Can you increase your working hours at all take on more
What is your husband actually doing? Is he addicted to painkillers? Is he trying can he do anything at al

Your anger is justified but misplaced

Ok but the struggle will go on.
How long has he been addicted.
What does he see as the solution

Is this something you've written about on here before? Does your husband work in the medical profession, hence him not being able to get new work?

Has he been to the GP

Hi OP sorry you're having such a difficult time. It's a bit difficult to give advice as there's so little to go on.

Is he capable of working at the moment? Is there anything he can do from home to earn even a little bit to contribute?

The most advice I can give is to have another serious conversation with him about what you expect from him. If not can you suggest a break where he moves out for a few months? Obviously without shouting or being upset. A calm but matter of fact conversation may have more effect on how this is affecting you. This may give him the shock he needs to sort himself out at the very least. If he has had no thought up to now that you may leave him he might not understand how you're feeling.

I hope things get better for you

My ex partner was addicted to prescription and over the counter meds. Our children really picked up on it and there was a time when he appeared almost comatose but insisted on driving. My oldest girl talks about her memories of this time frequently. He spent a long time in intensive care and this was a turning point for him but a huge amount of damage was already done to his health.
My ex had a whole range of addictions, at one time I counted over 30 t-shirts all in their packaging. He also stole anything he could to feed his addictions. I'd recommend that your husband gets help asap and that's the strict condition you attach to supporting him.

It isn’t so much he’s not willing to get help, more that there isn’t a lot of help and that it isn’t very helpful to him, if that makes sense!

What's he tried already? Sadly there isn't a lot of help sometimes and what there is can be hard to find, but if you can give an overview of what he's tried/found unhelpful already then people might be able to point you at things he doesn't know about or hasn't considered.

People can't give "good advice" if you refuse to engage in problem solving. Your choice.

You reckon if you leave you can't work. Why not? What would change that?

There is fucking tonnes of help for people with addictions.
You’ve just got to want to find it.

What does he want?

Lol user really you’re funny