To expect health visitor to call first?

[Neverbroken]

For the second time today my health has turned up at my door unannounced. No call, no appointment. I find it rude, then before leaving she asked to see where baby sleeps, I said my room is a mess and she walked right on in anyway. I found this very embarrassing and intrusive, baby is 5 months old and she’s also seen one of her Moses baskets in the living room. Can you request another health visitor?

Don't open the door or let her in. Put a "No Cold Caller" sign in your window and point to it through your window if she turns up again. She can write or call to make an appointment. It's just a matter of manners and courtesy. If she has genuine concerns about you and your baby, she should be honest about it and say so.

People, the OP has been discharged from SS, very likely on the basis that she has unannounced visits and engages with services.

Telling her to not cooperate isn’t in her best interests.

"HVs in Scotland visit about 8 times in the first year here as standard."

It's not 'standard.' I saw mine 4 times in the first year. 3 times after signed off by midwife then once at 6 months for a weaning visit and then didn't see her again until 16 months.

No, he doesn’t live here it’s just me and baby.

If you are being monitored for a reason that still doesnt give them a right to make you feel uncomfortable in your home. I'd die of shame some days if people went in our bedroom. It's always the ironing room. Clean washing everywhere. It has become a half junk room too. I'd complain and say you felt like she was in your private space. There's no Shame in abit of a messy bedroom. But we don't always want others to see the mess

But Matilda discharged is the operative word in your post. Surely the hv should be engaging positively and in a supportive way to gain trust and if ss has discharged the op then prrsumably the hv needs to follow the standard protocols unless these have been formally varied and the op has been formally notified.

I am on the fence over this. Our home is always immaculate and I don't have ocd. Nevertheless every hcp who has ever entered has seen fit to comment in a disparaging way: "it's very big for three of you" "ooh it's very tidy, is it always like this?" " you do realise not every baby has this level of privilege".

It's all very political and so very boring from those who are uninvited and spectacularly small minded and even more arsy.

@MatildaTheCat no the case was simply closed after the incident. They never said we’re going to close the case only if you accept unannounced visits. The social worker said she didn’t doubt my ability to care for baby or keep her safe and if I needed anything I could call her. I even kept in touch with her after voluntarily because she was someone I felt I could talk to honestly social worker or not 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Buttonsandroses and that’s all I’m saying! I can be comfortable in my own mess and know what level of mess I can accept but it really is embarrassing for me of the house isn’t in a state I’d like for guests. I think it just comes down to how I was raised. Grandma was always very strict when it came to how you present your home for guests so no matter what I would feel embarrassed.

@OhTheRoses funny you say that! They do always manage to put their foot in it somehow, feel quite sorry for them in that respect. The one health visitor that came before covering this ones annual leave saw me pulling the bins back by my door and told me I was doing too much and I must remember I’ve just had a baby.

WHO may I ask is going to do it for me? 😂

She then told me my place is quite small, Which actually irritates me because I have enough space for me and baby. People are always saying how nice the place is. She then tripped over my pushchair, honestly couldn’t get her out the door fast enough.

Ginger guidelines have changed v recently in Scotland for more frequent visits

OP, sorry to hear about your previous DV issues. I’m glad that you and your daughter are safe.

Do you think the HV was forceful in her approach to the bedroom as she wanted to see whether your previous partner was in there? Understandably, due to the dynamic of DV there is often times when the adults reconcile which can be a cause for concern?

It’s horrible to feel like you’re being monitored, but from what you’ve said, you have nothing to hide. Once they’re satisfied with that, they will back off I’m sure.

Yes. Very rude on both accounts. I remember our HV turned up at the door without an appointment and made a sarcastic remark about not being able to get through on the phone (DH was on the phone to his sister).

@LolaSkoda yeah quite forceful and that’s what is annoying is because I don’t believe she genuinely wanted to see where baby sleeps I feel like that’s why she was looking. The first time she visited she just asked about where baby sleeps.

@cherish123 I don’t believe what she said about not being able to get through simply because the health visitor who covered her managed to call me just fine.

Is there any chance you have set your phone up to not ring at unidentified numbers (I realised the other day I had done this - or should I say got a new phone and it was the set up on there, which I've now changed) - I gave my number to the hospital (where I work) to ring me back, next thing I knew I had a missed call from a private number but the phone hadn't rung. Something like that could explain why one person (calling from a phone with the number withheld) couldn't get through but another could

Many areas now are bringing in wanting to check for safe sleeping and wanting to see the sleeping area - personally I wouldn't have liked it (probably would have let them but been really embarassed - bra on the radiator etc) - whereas in the past it was enough just to talk about it - it may be that she's been told that she has to actually look rather than just ask

However if you don't want to see the HV thats your choice - you could either ask for a different one (you said you got on with the one that covered) or decline it altogether (although some areas seem to view it as suspcious and report you to social services for it - even though you are entitled to it)

I have known parents who have both declined all health visitors or just refused certain ones

No in fact I even have call waiting on