To expect health visitor to call first?

[Neverbroken]

For the second time today my health has turned up at my door unannounced. No call, no appointment. I find it rude, then before leaving she asked to see where baby sleeps, I said my room is a mess and she walked right on in anyway. I found this very embarrassing and intrusive, baby is 5 months old and she’s also seen one of her Moses baskets in the living room. Can you request another health visitor?

The more evasive you are the more concerned the HV will be.

I'm fairly sure the OP does know why the HV makes unannounced visits. Anyone suggesting she refuses such visits should make use of the advanced search facility.

I would just continue to cooperate OP, because that's the right thing to do.

Op looking at your other threads I can see you're in a relationship with domestic violence? I'm glad the health visitor is checking up on your baby. Let them do their job.

Well then there are safe guarding concerns it sounds, I have 4 children and never had a hv turn up unannounced and have only ever seen them once each time (I did go to the baby clinic with my first but after the first I didn’t bother) it sounds like she has concerns so is checking up on you.

They ask to see where the baby is sleeping to check it is somewhere safe.

And also to see the baby’s living conditions overall. It’s not uncommon for parents to have the public areas of the house reasonably clean and tidy and for the rest of the house to be in pretty poor condition, or for the parents to put their best face forward for a planned visit when in fact they are seriously struggling day to day.

Unannounced visits and seeing where baby is sleeping, kitchen/cooking spaces etc are pretty standard for HV and SWs.

opt out its a optional system anyway,they dont tell you that though they make you feel in compulsory by just turning up and expecting you to go alone with it

2 ikds not one hv as i opted out at birth

If there were issues and the HV announced a call in advance then surely the parent would just make everything look good for the HV coming and then back to the neglect/abuse/chaotic household when they left?

I have a friend who has been reported to SS a few times for the utter filth and squalor that she brings he kids up in. The kids are fed a meal every night and aren't underweight or anything, there is always food in the house for them. It's more that they go about like little street urchins, tangled hair, ill fitting, dirty mismatching clothes etc. The house...well.... there are dog, cat and rabbit pee and poo all over the floor, mouldy cups and plates in the kitchen, the place stinks and crap everywhere basically. Wallpaper hanging off the walls, the house is awful. It's really bad. I'm not the tidiest but this goes beyond messy. However everytime the HV was due a scheduled visit, her Dad used to go around and give the place a good clean to make it look somewhat respectable, give the kids a bath, brush hair etc.
Same with SS. They came around and told her her house was "disgusting" ; gave her a right talking to and said that they would be back in a few days to give her a chance to clean up her act. The place was blitzed by her Dad, SS returned, saw the house and kids were halfway presentable and that was that.

So my point is that I can see why some people wouldn't want HV turning up unannounced, I'd be a bit embarrassed if they came into my house unannounced and the house was a tip but then on the other hand, it can give SS a more true picture as to what is actually happening within the household.

Just phone and say you don’t want to see them any more.

Rude, and intrusive.

Health visitors are optional, however I would seriously consider why you are having these additional visits. If you are on their enhanced service then it will be because you have physical or mental health problems, the baby has health problems, you have other children with additional needs, there are concerns about the adequacy of the child's home environment in any way (safety, hygiene, etc.) or their is a history of violence/abuse, drug or alcohol use (even if it's historic) or any combination of the above factors. The health visitor essentially ticks the box saying they have seen you and doesn't believe these things are a concern right now, but if you stop them from visiting and they have a high enough threshold for concern, you would be referred to social services and they do have the power to insist on visits (you would be asked to comply and non-compliance would risk social workers intervening) also if you did get referred to social services at any point (and there are times when this could be unavoidable) then it will be seen as a risk factor that you are not already complying with the health visitor. So I would recommend instead, asking why the HV is visiting, and asking for it to be reviewed if you are on the enhanced service but believe that none of the reasons for this apply

When someone says "my room's a mess" it doesn't mean no, it's just perceived as an apology for the disorder. If a friend pops in unexpectedly, such as when giving my DC a lift home, if the house hasn't been cleaned since last week I'd open the door and say "it's a bit of a mess..."

They do send appointments or call. Unless they have very good reason to believe you will conveniently not be in for the visit and continuously fob them off with cancellations. If they think there is a risk to the baby or child then they may try and drop by. If there is nothing wrong then there shouldn't be an issue.

You don't have to let her in.....even if you are on a CP or CIN plan, ask her to make an appointment. Even if a SW turns up unannounced you don't have to let them in.....saying that I probably just would seeing as you've had DV involved in the past.

If there are concerns they will pop round without an appointment or maybe they missed you last time and were in the area? I don’t know why health visitors get such a hard time on here they are there for the welfare of the baby and the mum. They might also pop round if you missed a GP or hospital appointment for the baby to make sure all is well (I am not a HV by the way) just come into contact with them through work sometimes

I do say "the house is a mess" as a pre warning not a do not enter one. It means "I'm sorry, the place is in a right state, so when you come in you will immediately want to comment on the state of it, so let me assure you I am aware of the issue and will be dealing with it shortly, there is no need to voice the issue yourself, but you are still very much welcome to come into my shit heap of a home"

It’s not that I’m being evasive as someone has said or want to spend time making things look shiny but when she is coming I would atleast like to be presentable. Both times she has woken me & baby from sleeping. I haven’t even had the chance to brush my teeth or wash my face so it’s just like I would like to be presentable. The way I grew up people shouldn’t see you like that, I don’t want to be seen in that state by a stranger I find it very undignifying.

For the person who said I should have said no rather than the place is a mess the sentence had barely left my mouth before she was in my room.

She says she’s looking after baby until she is 1 because of her prematurity, SS has nothing to do with it. Their case was closed, my aunty is also a social worker so if I have any concerns I talk to her.

My wife recently had a baby, health visitor came at 2 weeks, then at 6 weeks, told we wont see her until 1 year and she never looked where baby sleeps

@ChicCroissant no I don’t know why. Especially not when all other professionals working with us give me the common courtesy of calling. I do co-operate, I’d be more willing and open to her if she could give me the common decency of atleast a call beforehand. I actually had some questions to ask her but she seems to be more concerned with telling me how much baby is not going to like bottle and sticking her nose in my bedroom rather than give me support with weaning her. Even if past incidents were a concern for her she doesn’t even ask how I’m getting on. Just nothing.

It sounds like you are in a situation where you need to be seen to co-operate with the HV. It probably is best to let her in and just get rid of her as soon as possible (tell the truth and answer questions but no tea or chat).

It's easy to say that if you are doing nothing wrong then you shouldn't be concerned, but that's not how it feels when it happens to you. I understand how hard it is to feel supervised or distrusted.Try to grit your teeth and think of the benefits of being able to say that you have always engaged with the help available.

Obviously, if you have genuine plans and are just about to leave the house then you should say so and continue with your plans, but if not then I do think it's in your best interests to let the HV in. If you feel she is hostile or there is another problem with her, then you can complain and ask for another one.

To someone I know “my rooms a mess” yes can mean excuse the mess but to a stranger it means no. And you don’t just rush in before the person has fully answered.

I had spot checks with my first as my husband had a mini break down shortly after she was born. No SS involvement apart from a phone call to check on me but he had been under the crisis team for four months. Even when discharged from them, we had spot checks for 8 months until she was a year old.

@Qwerty543
She says apparently my number isn’t working... bizarre because everyone else personal or professional managers to call/text me just fine. I wouldn’t conveniently not be in for the visit I’m not sure why I’d shy away from the visit I’d just like some notice is all. If I was to not be in today would I then be seen as avoiding them for an appointment I don’t know about?

You need to have an honest conversation with your HV. You do know why she has concerns and has a professional duty to visit you and your baby. Ask her if she might call you first.

However, if she has visited before and found you asleep (you don’t say what time this was?), your home in a mess and you (understandably) not particularly receptive, she is going to need to maintain her concerns.

Work with her. Ask her if she has any concerns and how you can work towards reassuring her.

Do you have a Social Worker? If you continue to worry your HV you will probably soon have SS visiting too. None of these people want to give you a hard time but they do want to see evidence of a baby being brought up in a safe environment with basics in place such as a decent bedroom environment ( not tidy necessarily), food in the fridge, some semblance of order.

You may we’ll be meeting all of these needs very well but if you are hostile and unreceptive they will only be more concerned. You history does place you at higher risk of many issues including PND. If you use their support, ask for advice, take up any offers of support groups and so on you might well benefit as will your baby.

I’m sure your auntie will agree.

Both times she has woken me & baby from sleeping. I haven’t even had the chance to brush my teeth or wash my face so it’s just like I would like to be presentable.

What time did she come at? My reason for asking is that you posted around 12.30 and it sounded like she had just been. I’d expect a HV to be concerned if she was visiting mid to late morning and mum was being woken by my visit, particularly thinking of sleep habits and healthy routines.

Have you asked her why she doesn’t let you know she’s coming.