Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend should be happy for me?

66 replies

Alwaysnewbroke · 15/01/2020 15:09

I've been single for over ten years. Had a few flings, but never a relationship or anything even near.

Anyway, I have met a man, and I think he's lovely. It's very early days, but so far so good. No games, no worry or anxiety. He seems honest, likes the same things I do, has a good job, lots of friends etc. Just seems like a decent man.

One of my friends, my best friend, has met him. I was telling some other friends about him over a drink last night, and my best friend said that she had like him when she met him, but that he wasn't good looking. She repeated that she didn't think he was good looking several more times over the course of the evening, and at one point implied that he could be gay.

I wasn't going on and on about him, just letting my friends who I haven't seen in a while know that I'd actually been on a couple of successful dates. My friend cannot be jealous that I've met someone because she's in a relationship herself which seems to be fine, and if it wasn't I have no doubt she'd have told me. She's never been single for more than a month in the 10+ years that I've been single. I don't find her DP attractive, but I would never, ever say that.

AIBU to think that it's really strange behaviour?

OP posts:
antisupermum · 15/01/2020 15:13

Its not strange, its blatantly rude.

If it happens again I would 100% repeat what you've said here i.e. "Well I don't think your DP is attractive but I had better manners than to comment on it".
Alternatively I would consider sending a message saying that you didnt appreciate her comments on his looks. That it is early days in your relationship but you felt it was rude and that you are politely requesting it not happen again.

Janaih · 15/01/2020 15:17

Very rude. Assuming shes usually a nice person, I would ask her why she had to make nasty comments.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 15:18

My friend cannot be jealous that I've met someone because she's in a relationship herself
Sure she can.
She wants the Alwaysnew she had for 10 years, who she can feel superior to by dint of your singledom.
Now that you have a nice bloke in tow, she is undermining you by informing you that HER status symbol is better-looking that YOUR status symbol, therefore her status is still higher & she is top bitch.

YANBU, of course it's strange behaviour.
Also unpleasant, disloyal, shit-stirring & attention-seeking.

Your other friends must think she's barking.
I hope you become so swept up in your new b/f that you have no further time for Top Bitch, but plenty of time for other, supportive & happy woman friends.

messolini9 · 15/01/2020 15:21

Assuming shes usually a nice person

She's clearly not.

I would have upbraided her at the event when she started spouting her nonsense. Along the lines of what is her opinion to do with it, as she's not the one going out with him? - & if she didn't then shut up, that she is embarrassing herself with shallow & unnecessary commentary.
But I am an old bat now, with zero tolenrance for this kind of fuckwittery, & no need whatsoever to keep toxic people around.

70s80s90s00s10s20s · 15/01/2020 15:22

She is jealous despite her being in a relationship. She's jealous, childish, rude, shallow and not a good friend.

Like some others, I'd have had to have said something back to her but when these things happen sometimes we're like rabbits in the headlights and just kind of freeze I guess.

If you really do consider her a good friend, and I'd advise you to really reflect on the relationship dynamic, then I'd give her a pass/the benefit but blow up if she's rude in future.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 15/01/2020 16:39

This is nasty behaviour, and not that of a friend!

Retroflex · 15/01/2020 16:43

She's definitely jealous! As for her saying repeatedly "I don't think he's attractive" I would reply "I think you protest too much!" you can add in "what would your partner think/say" as appropriate...

MissSmiley · 15/01/2020 17:37

After excitedly introducing my new man to my "best" friend and her husband over dinner she later told me my bf (of about 10 months at the time) was weak and not right for me, I ditched her and kept him

Original poster
Alwaysnewbroke · 16/01/2020 10:13

Assuming shes usually a nice person

She is. She's always been great. I introduced him to another friend last night, who proceeded to tell me after he left how he wouldn't be for her because of x, y & z, all looks related. I don't give a fuck whether they find him attractive or not, I don't want them to date him. I lost my temper a bit more this time and said that I didn't think her partner was particularly attractive but it didn't matter what I thought.

It's really baffling.

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 16/01/2020 10:16

Feeling sorry for this guy now! This seems very very strange OP.

Original poster
Alwaysnewbroke · 16/01/2020 10:19

To be honest, I felt a bit embarrassed about my friend's behaviour last night when he was there too.

OP posts:
FramingDevice · 16/01/2020 10:20

You have really weird friends if this is a pattern, OP. Are they under the impression they are mystery shoppers on an OLD platform and your boyfriend is part of the 'merchandise' on offer, or something?

I honestly cannot imagine a situation where I would think that it was appropriate to tell a friend that I didn't fancy her new boyfriend, any more than I would tell her that her new pixie cut was hideous/her new promotion meaningless or her recently-published book dreadful.

FramingDevice · 16/01/2020 10:21

Why, what was she doing when he was there?

GinNotGym19 · 16/01/2020 10:28

I had a friend like this, key being had. But she was very negative about anything good and always putting me down. These are things she would say or she’d say something incredibly nasty then dress it up like a back handed compliment.
Is it out of character? She might just have you in this box of being the “single friend” and needs time to come around. Really inappropriate though! Hopefully it’s a one off.

Littlebearstrousers · 16/01/2020 10:55

I have a feeling this would be my friend if I got into a relationship Sad

I would ask what her problem is tbh

anotherday4 · 16/01/2020 10:57

And I assume she good looking and perfect ? Cheeky cow

Urkiddingright · 16/01/2020 11:02

I’m guessing she’s jealous. Probably can’t stand the fact you’re happy and have met someone decent.

Foslady · 16/01/2020 11:12

I’m guessing she’s jealous. Probably can’t stand the fact you’re happy and have met someone decent.

Yep - been there too. After 10 years of being on my own said about someone I vaguely knew asking about a date and all I got back was what a wanker he was, don’t go near him etc.......same with the next guy I did go on a date with - knew him years ago he’s an arse........he’s actually the nicest guy you could ever meet and is perfect for me. Since found out she’s done similar to others.......and constantly posts how great it is to be single.......

Original poster
Alwaysnewbroke · 16/01/2020 11:14

You have really weird friends if this is a pattern, OP. Are they under the impression they are mystery shoppers on an OLD platform and your boyfriend is part of the 'merchandise' on offer, or something?

Didn't even meet him OLD. I honestly don't know what's going on. I don't know if they're trying to put me off or something. I don't know.

Why, what was she doing when he was there?

Just acting really awkward. Saying how clever he must be. It was strange.

OP posts:
dellacucina · 16/01/2020 11:17

This is very strange behaviour. Out of curiosity, is there something exceptional about his appearance???

dellacucina · 16/01/2020 11:17

And no, it's not kind or acceptable to speak about someone this way just based on their appearance, unless they are unclean or something.

SerenDippitty · 16/01/2020 11:22

It is perfectly possible for people in long established relationships to be jealous of those in the first stages of new romance. She does not sound like a nice person though.

Original poster
Alwaysnewbroke · 16/01/2020 11:23

This is very strange behaviour. Out of curiosity, is there something exceptional about his appearance???

No, he's just a normal man.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 16/01/2020 11:24

You're stepping out of your box and they don't like it.

whoami24 · 16/01/2020 11:26

You friends are strange. There judging someone on their looks and what's it to them? I would never say to anyone, don't date him cause he's not attractive.

Don't get why they are doing this, I'd ask them why they are being so mean about his looks