To think the school have lost the plot

[Hardymonica]

I am so cross with the staff at my daughter’s primary school. Today they set up a fake incident where it appeared that someone had vandalised the girls toilets. The children were tasked with writing a report about it and it was then revealed at the end of the day that the teachers set it up.

My daughter is seven, she understands logically it was the teachers who did it but it has really unsettled her. For the whole day she was led to believe that school was unsafe and the impact of that has stayed with her. She is anxious about using the toilet at school on her own now and won’t be in a room on her own at home. She gets very distressed at bedtime, saying she’s frightened of being on her own in case intruders come.

I’ve had to send a message to the school to let them know and ask them to make sure she’s using the toilet. They are aware that she suffered anxiety last year but obviously weren’t thinking of the more sensitive children when they planned this bizarre thing. I’ve asked them to let us know in advance in future if they’re planning a pretend event. I’m sure they could have thought of a more positive incident to use to inspire them to write.

Aibu to think this was a bizarre idea for an activity and to feel angry they didn’t think about the potential effects on certain children?

That is an incredibly strange activity to plan for a group of seven year olds. I'm not surprised the more sensitive kids were upset. I can't imagine what they were thinking.

I remember doing something like this when i was in college when i was 17 , we were doing psychology during a nursery nursing course , and they were trying to prove how you could mess with a child's mind .we were all put in the hall in dim light with islands that we has do get to with someone barking instructions at us , we were told we couldn't leave , i remember being scared ,it felt real to us and that was nearly 40 years ago . I still remember feeling helpless after all these years .

This is outrageous. Whose idea was this?! This would really concern my youngest. His school does something where they have to hunt for clues to figure out their next topic work.

Bloody hell, what were they thinking.

CatInTheDaytime sums it up nicely I think.

I remember in reception my 4 yr old DD being taught the charming chant (as part of fire drills) 'don't return or you'll burn'...when I fed back to the school that this resulted in weeks of anxiety around fire at bedtime the response was 'it goes over most kids heads, that just shows you what a thinker she is!' .

My thought was why do it, if most don't get it, and those that do get it (the more anxious ones imo) are just upset?

Sometimes schools do the oddest things...I don't understand how they can't see that making this sort of thing up erodes trust.

These playout/role play type scenarios seem silly to me. More suited to older children who can just use their imaginations to respond to theoretical troublesome/challenging events rather than needing to be hoodwinked into it. Kids love learning and being creative they don’t need teachers dressing up in costumes and various OTT fakery to get their minds racing.

Given how common and hidden domestic abuse and CSA are, there are going to be children in every classroom for whom school may be their only safe place - and where staff will have no idea about what those children have been through.

So even if the school "planned ahead" for children with known difficulties it would still be inadequate.

Stuff like this is irresponsible and unethical. School should be safe and staff should be safe and trustworthy.

YY, that is exactly what I was thinking, but didn't manage to articulate it so well, @ohwhen.

oh dear, god forbid schools do something a bit different.

I despair when I see how mollycoddle some parents expect their kids to be and such a non-issue can become such a drama.
If parents were more reasonable at home and preparing their children better, there would be none of this "anxiety" and "upset".

That is ridiculous. Ours did some sort of 'detective' thing like this but the incident was something completely harmless - like which member of staff used the headteacher's mug, ate the last biscuit, or something.

Ds has an alien eggs one at school. He was petrified the aliens would hatch during a lesson and was struggling to sleep. I had to go in and get the teacher to show him it wasn’t real because he thought the aliens were tricking me when I explained it was just a pretend game etc. I’d be furious in your shoes right now.

Also, i'm sure it's been said upthread but what a bloody surprise (not) that it was the girls' loos they targeted.

Let's introduce the trope of 'girls as inevitable victims of violence' early, shall we?

Fuckers.

I was thinking how crazy this sounded and then suddenly got a flashback to when I was in year...5, I think? When someone had been murdered on the school field and we had to form a line walk and look for clues. I remember quite enjoying it! One girl did cry though when she found a hand covered in blood. I’m not sure what the purpose was but I remember the teacher and people involved insisting to us that it was real and had really happened before revealing it wasn’t at the end.

Our primary school did this but it was the Year 3 classroom that had been 'invaded by a dragon' complete with obviously hokey fake 'CCTV' footage.

I think they had to write about whether they believed in dragons and why/ why not or something? So, directly addressing the question of 'should you believe what you see on video/ are told'?

I thought that was quite good.

But vandalising toilets is a completely different thing. Because obviously, it could really happen. It doesn't require suspension of disbelief or imagination or anything else.

Love the the idea of invading Dragons - and using it to teach kids critical thinking about what they see on TV/internet. That's age appropriate, creative and a damn useful skill.

A school in my area recreated the Nazi Germany/persecution of Jews some years ago. Lots of children were very unsettled. Can’t remember full details but it involved children and their date of birth being relevant to their intelligence.

It made the National newspaper.

Yikes!

Oh JosefKeller you have no idea how much I would like schools to do things differently, to be more creative, to be less old-fashioned and narrow - especially primary schools. I also don't think children should be wrapped in cotton wool or "pampered" - they should learn to deal with reality.

That does not mean making up a fake frightening scenario and convincing them it's real is OK. It's bad on many levels - it can be traumatising, it erodes trust and can even be dangerous - as in the examples described, you could cause a stampede (potentially fatal - read the news) or give a cleaner a heart attack.

Being honest, would you really be OK with it, even as an adult, if people you trusted set up your home to seem as if it had been burgled and trashed, or told you someone had been murdered inside, and made you believe that all day, then told you it was all made up and if you were upset you just need to get over yourself? Because you're "mollycoddled" and making a drama out of a non-issue? Genuinely you'd be fine with that?

Surely by very definition it's the people who arrange this shit who are creating drama.

I also

Oops. I also think it's especially ironic given that schools are always pushing the "be respectful" and "be kind to each other" and "be inclusive" messages and then do what is essentially "lie to, confuse and gaslight kids and who cares if they have ASD or adverse experiences that make it traumatising for them".

Just because some kids might get it and have a ball doesn't mean it's a good idea.

And yy about the girls' toilets. Of course! probably chosen because that's more scary, right? Great.

Our primary school did this but it was the Year 3 classroom that had been 'invaded by a dragon' complete with obviously hokey fake 'CCTV' footage.

That is FAR more appropriate for a bunch of 7 and 8 year olds. They know it's not real, can happily pretend it's real and get into character, will be thrilled to play along and it'll get their imaginations going.

We did a "zombie" invasion with bodyparts and blood and theatre make up. In college aged 16! A lot of courses played their part. I was a media student so got involved in the filming and editing. We all got to dress up and come stumbling through the grounds and buildings with "What's that coming over the hill..." (which had just come out at the time!) played over the final cut. One of my best memories

Tbh won’t be in a room on her own at home. She gets very distressed at bedtime, saying she’s frightened of being on her own in case intruders come is a MASSIVE overreaction.

Does she not watch films or go to plays? And understand the difference between 'real life' and make believe?

That's on you to teach her.

Yes of course she understands the difference between real and make believe. However, anxiety in children is rarely rational. The impact of going through several hours believing a real attack had happened at her school had an effect on her. I’m sorry if you think it’s over the top but she’s a child for goodness sake. I don’t think her response is down to my bad parenting!

It's not a massive overreaction - it's how anxiety and panic work. My DD is like this, and I am teaching her, and she does understand. She knows how unlikely it is that the house will burn down or intruders will get in. She still feels fear and imagines the worst. It's not rational.

It's like saying it's an "overreaction" for a phobic person to be scared of heights or spiders. They are just scared, however much they know they are essentially safe. These primal / gut fears are a function of an overactive amygdala which can be genetic, or caused by trauma or adverse experiences.

I was like this my whole life, long before "anxiety" was a diagnosis that everyone talked about. I basically just lived with a lot of fear, adrenaline and cortisol. Now I luckily don't, thanks to meds. But I see the same in my DD, and it's nothing to do with mollycoddling.

It's batshit crazy.

Some kids live with DV in the home so will sometimes wait into a room at home and find it trashed (vandalised)

Lots of kids that age find it creepy being the only person on a floor of the house. So say the family are upstairs and the only loo is downstairs, they'll use the loo as quickly as possible then run upstairs. Toilets can be creepy. You're locked in a room/cubicle and don't know what's going on outside even though you can hear other people there. It's not unreasonable that a child who has experienced this school "prank" to think what if the person is vandalising the loos.

I have 3 kids and they never did this sort of activity although I've heard of it at other schools (particularly the alien invasion scenario) Creative writing was set so that it was interesting for everyone from the anxious to the most brave and kids could explore what interested them rather than be forced into confronting what they would rather not think about.

It's akin to making a sensitive adult who normally watches musicals and comedies watch a grisly true crime or horror movie.

That's awful, OP. They really do pull ideas out of the shitbox, don't they?

With appropriate preparation, an obviously fantasy or historic scenario can be good.

There will be sensitive children in every class, be it from SEN, personal history or just personality.

DS has ASD and I'd cop the fall out at home after he masked through it at school. He struggles with the blurring of reality and fantasy, for example he hates Halloween and fancy dress because he knows it is supposed to be scary and fun (contradiction) and fancy dress and make-up confuse his ability to manually read through social behaviour. He would handle and enjoy an obviously historic setting, but would get distressed by something mundane, realistic and involving breaking the rules.

My niece was horribly neglected and abused throughout most of her life, before coming to live with me. She viewed schools as her “safe, happy place” and some of those scenarios would have been devastating for her.

Sorry if that makes her ‘too sensitive’ or not ‘resilient’ enough for some of the posters on here. Some of you would be perfect for carrying out these pathetic scenarios, as you’re so completely lacking in empathy.