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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP too friendly with clients

72 replies

Harrysmamabear · 14/01/2020 22:09

First post, please be kind. DP is a domestic builder. Been together 5 years (I was a client when we first met, maybe this is relevant...) I think he is too friendly with his clients. 90% of the time he deals with the lady of the house, most of whom are well off and well groomed women due to the areas he works in. Two years ago, I discovered him having an affair (the wife of a cousin of his ex wife). In a nutshell he begged for forgiveness, and we tried again. But I am increasingly p**d off by the amount of texting that goes on late into the evening with some of his female customers. Is it reasonable for them to be texting so regularly and until almost midnight? He’s their builder, not their best friend or agony aunt! And I found out that he’s been secretly doing free jobs for one of them, a much younger woman. He lied about where he was going when he went there (usually Sunday’s and evenings) and even about who she was (saying she was an existing clients daughter). He swears nothing is going on and thinks I am being unreasonable when I said I don’t want him working for her anymore. He said he works with these ladies in their homes and becomes friends with them, so he sees nothing wrong in them chatting by WhatsApp even after the jobs have finished. I’m 48 years old, so maybe I’m out of touch with how things are now....is it normal/reasonable to have call these friendly chats with your clients during evenings and weekends? And no, they’re not work related texts

OP posts:
jellycatspyjamas · 14/01/2020 22:11

No, I’d be deeply unhappy with that.

CoCoPops55 · 14/01/2020 22:11

No it isn't normal and it is extremely unprofessional.

Hotcuppatea · 14/01/2020 22:12

YANBU

My DH is a builder and he ignores all calls and messages after 7pm at night and woke be swearing blue murder if his clients were messaging him in the evening (unless it was an emergency). FWIW his client group is similar to your husband's and he definitely uses his charms to grease the professional wheels, but he doesn't want to be their friends.

GabriellaMontez · 14/01/2020 22:13

Yanbu.

He's a liar.

And I wouldn't be at all happy with this late night text flirting. He's taking the piss.

CakeandCustard28 · 14/01/2020 22:14

No. Not normal at all. I’m sorry OP, You deserve better. Flowers

ANiceLuxury · 14/01/2020 22:15

Bin him

Wattagoose90 · 14/01/2020 22:15

If he's not already cheating it sounds like he's setting it up.

mokapot · 14/01/2020 22:15

If it sounds, looks and smells D O D G Y, it probably is !

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2020 22:16

Yeah you know it's not normal and the woman he is doing "free jobs" for, but basically spending evenings and weekends with is the main issue here. He's either sleeping with her or wishes to.

But you know this.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 14/01/2020 22:19

You're being taken for a fool, OP.

JasonPollack · 14/01/2020 22:20

Piss off is he doing "free building work" for her. He's shagging her and you know it. He said that to cover his tracks the dirty dog.

Nanna50 · 14/01/2020 22:20

No not normal. My DH used to be self employed domestic builder and his phone was off at regular times, with a divert for emergencies. For his own sanity he needed to draw a line between work and home.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/01/2020 22:22

He might be doing some free work in the hope of sex. I agree with the dirty dog comment.

Nanna50 · 14/01/2020 22:23

Oh and he never did work for free, any free time he had was spent with family or fishing 🙄

MsTSwift · 14/01/2020 22:27

We had substantial building works our builder extremely professional although friendly cannot think of any circumstance I would have texted him in an evening or about anything non build related. Weird and cringey

Harrysmamabear · 14/01/2020 22:37

Thank you ladies, he’s a real smooth talker and I was starting to doubt my own sanity! And yeah, I think he would be shagging her if he could, but he’s now got erectile dysfunction and can’t take viagra coz of his dodgy heart (my heart bleeds for him).

OP posts:
EngagedAgain · 14/01/2020 22:38

Not normal, I'd be mightily P off with that all the time. I wonder if he leads these women to believe he's single. He's taking the Piss!

jellycatspyjamas · 14/01/2020 22:38

You can be sexual without a hard on. Just saying...

Babooshkar · 14/01/2020 22:42

Are you sure he’s got erectile dysfunction? Or is he just getting it elsewhere?!

AnyFucker · 14/01/2020 22:47

This is like "Confessions of a Domestic Builder"

Harrysmamabear · 14/01/2020 23:22

Yep, she thought he was single. I caught him texting her back (5 Xs in her txt, WTF??) She then rang him and I made him tell her he couldn’t go over there as he was with busy with his partner. I heard her say “business partner?” I almost heard her jaw hit the floor when her said his other half. She soon recovered though, and they were secretly texting again. And yes, he’s got ED he might as well chop it off and feed it to the foxes

OP posts:
CakeandCustard28 · 15/01/2020 07:38

@Harrysmamabear why are you putting up with that? He’s basically trying to cheat just because he can’t get it up doesn’t mean it’s not cheating. You deserve so much better than someone like that.

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2020 07:42

Why the fuck would you put up with this?

You can’t change him, this is who he is. He doesn’t even tell people you exist ffs.

Sceptre86 · 15/01/2020 07:44

Ditch him. Really what good do you see coming from this relationship? It is clearly not doing your self esteem any good.

Merryoldgoat · 15/01/2020 07:46

@AnyFucker

It’s like the start of a Black Lace ‘novel’.

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