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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell friend about nanny

67 replies

Whatnameisgood · 14/01/2020 20:46

I sometimes see a friend’s toddler with her nanny at a local playgroup. The nanny tends to be chatting a lot to other adults, which is fair enough. However last couple of times I’ve noticed her looking around for friend’s toddler after she’s lost sight of her for a while. Today toddler was in a completely different room, completely out of nanny ‘s sight, for several minutes (at least 3). I was watching and toddler was fine but IMO 3 minutes is a long time to not see a small child in your care. It’s unlikely that anyone would have let the toddler out of the playgroup itself but I suppose is possible in theory. There were some (not many) steps the child could have climbed up and fallen from. Should I say something to my friend or not?

YABU don’t say anything to friend
YANBU mention it to friend

OP posts:
Raspberrytruffle · 14/01/2020 20:57

If it were my child I'd like to know

AgathaVanHelsing · 14/01/2020 21:00

If I were paying for one on one care of my child, I expect just that not for nanny to socialise at playgroups at the expense of their primary role. YANBU

Original poster
Whatnameisgood · 14/01/2020 21:00

Can I ask why people are voting YABU? Is it too trivial? I think I’d want to know too, Raspberrytruffle....

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatnameisgood · 14/01/2020 21:02

I mean, I can see majority are YANBU but am wondering about those voting YABU

OP posts:
sirmione16 · 14/01/2020 21:03

I feel if this were a mum, people would say to give her slack and that it's a playgroup so safe area, and to not judge. But as its a nanny people see it differently and are harsher. This was one occasion, I'd be letting it go personally and keeping my nose out. If she was constantly neglectful like this then yes I would mention that there had been multiple instances.

sirmione16 · 14/01/2020 21:04

Sorry just re read that it said "a couple of instances" so yes I'd mention, but gently.

FattyCutty · 14/01/2020 21:04

Why didn't you go and tell the nanny that the child was in the other room then at least she would have been aware that her employers friends had noticed. Other than this incident is she a good nanny, is the child happy, has your friend said anything negative about her?

TartanMarbled · 14/01/2020 21:07

I wouldn't. It's no harm not to have eyes on a child at all times at a soft play.

MrsBricks · 14/01/2020 21:08

Seems incredibly trivial to me. 3 minutes in a playgroup? Really??

Rosebel · 14/01/2020 21:09

I wouldn't say anything as she may be absolutely fantastic the rest of the time. As far as I remember most parents ignored their children at playgroup/toddler group so I'd cut her a bit of slack. It's not like the child was out of her sight for 20 minutes, then I'd see your point.

Campurp · 14/01/2020 21:09

If it’s happened more than once then I’d mention it. I’d she’s paying for the privilege of a nanny then she should be in the ball.

Spied · 14/01/2020 21:10

I can see why you would - I just think it's going to cause your friend stress and anxiety. She'll be on-edge and worrying when child is in Nanny's care and nothing has actually happened.
I know, yes, it could, but equally something could happen even when you watch a child constantly.
Am sure Nanny has all the relevant qualifications, knowledge and experience.

I'd not say anything.

BlackBlueBell · 14/01/2020 21:13

The nanny is being paid to care for that child, not to socialise. Yes if it were a mum socialising and letting her child wander out of her sight people would hold back a bit but it’s not the nanny’s child. I would definitely say something. Imagine how the mum would feel if something happened to the child because nanny was neglecting her responsibilities.

FattyCutty · 14/01/2020 21:16

Don't be daft BlackBlueBell part of a nannies job is socialising with the kids.

SisterAgatha · 14/01/2020 21:18

I have seen some horrific childminding at playgroups (and some amazing childminding also) if I’d known the parents involved of some of the instances I’ve seen, I’d definitely let them know.

isadoradancing123 · 14/01/2020 21:18

Did you time it

SisterAgatha · 14/01/2020 21:20

As far as I remember most parents ignored their children at playgroup/toddler group so I'd cut her a bit of slack.

And that’s the difference between a good childminder and a poor one. A good childminder friend of mine who has had some very famous clients said to me - I am paid to be here. Parents are not. I wouldn’t be here for any other reason except these children. A mother might be there for support too, that’s not the same as a childminder having a break.

katewhinesalot · 14/01/2020 21:22

Most jobs have tea breaks etc. A nanny is on duty for long periods of time.
Most parents treat soft play as a time for a bit of a break whilst their child is in a relatively safe environment.

As long as the nanny is behaving in the same way as a parent would then I say let her have it as a bit of downtime. Obviously if you observe and she never pays the child any attention then that is a different matter.

ButterPie1 · 14/01/2020 21:27

It feels like you are looking for issues beacuse she is a Nanny. Are you watching other carers so intently? Hmm

ButterPie1 · 14/01/2020 21:28

*because

PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 14/01/2020 21:31

I rarely lost sight of my dc at toddler groups and after what I saw of the unattended dc sometimes I never would. Usually 1 violent kid lashing out... Dc snatching and bullying others.... Tell your friend.

PuttingouttheFirewithGasoline · 14/01/2020 21:31

Basically it frustrates me when people hold onto this kind of information. It's your friends call whether it's OK and trivial or whether the nanny needs a talking too not yours.

londonrach · 14/01/2020 21:34

All the playgroups i go to i let dd go as shes safe within three rooms and cant get out. Trying to get some independence for her..sadly she stays close by but she going to school in sept so needs to learn in a safe place. Maybe nanny doing the same. Three minutes in a safe location isnt bad at all. Three minutes in a park witn a road nearby yes def tell mum. Depends on location, safety etc

Lilyamna · 14/01/2020 21:36

I voted yabu as a gut reaction because the child was in a safe environment (presumably the child managed the steps okay?) and if the child had had a bump the namny could have been with him in a couple of seconds. Even if she’d been watching him and seen a fall, it would still take a couple of seconda to reach amd pick him up.
Obviously I don’t know how big this place is, I am assuming quite small.

Okay, there is a miniscule chhance somebody careless would let him ‘escape’ (highly unlikely) or kidnap him (even more unlikely) but the reasonable thing for you to do is to tell the nanny next time you spot him wandering off. “Hi, did you know Timmy has gone next door”. That should be enough, no need to go behind her back.

20CMB20 · 14/01/2020 21:37

I voted YABU because I can't guarantee I'd have been following any of my DC around (apart from PFB) at that stage. And if I wouldn't, as their doting mother, I could hardly expect a nanny to be better than me.