AIBU to tell friend about nanny

[Whatnameisgood]

I sometimes see a friend’s toddler with her nanny at a local playgroup. The nanny tends to be chatting a lot to other adults, which is fair enough. However last couple of times I’ve noticed her looking around for friend’s toddler after she’s lost sight of her for a while. Today toddler was in a completely different room, completely out of nanny ‘s sight, for several minutes (at least 3). I was watching and toddler was fine but IMO 3 minutes is a long time to not see a small child in your care. It’s unlikely that anyone would have let the toddler out of the playgroup itself but I suppose is possible in theory. There were some (not many) steps the child could have climbed up and fallen from. Should I say something to my friend or not?

YABU don’t say anything to friend
YANBU mention it to friend

Hi Nanny (name) how it going I see you are with dc his mum is a good friend of mine - burble burble - (be friendly your not threatening her your making it known that you are there)

No biggie imo. I didnt follow my DC around at playgroup like a hawk so wouldnt expect others too. Play groups are set up for young children. They have a high adult to child ratio. We all just mucked in chatted watched each other kids. If an adult (you) were near them and it was only 3 mins the child was safe. It's good for them to be independent to explore and not be helicoptered by nanny. If I was your friend and u told me that I would be a bit

You said toddler not child so I assume 1 or 2. I wouldnt let them out my sight. Presumably at play group with multiple rooms anyone could walk in and take a toddler without being noticed. Extremely rare, but it's happened before. Please tell them.

under 3 mention, over 3 too trivial, good way of developing independence.

Presumably the toddler was not in danger or you'd have brought it to the nannies attention!? Sounds like you're watching and waiting for her to slip up. If you've got an issue then say it but be aware if the consequences.

I'm not a nanny but I have friends who are. They work between 8 and 13 hours a day and there is no break. In no other job would you work that long without a break. So she had 3 minute break, not really a bit deal because for all you know that might be the only rest she had all day. Tell your friend if you must but it sounds to me like you were waiting for the nanny to slip up so you could say something.

So, sitting chatting, socialising, while being paid to care for a child she's currently lost track of?

Tell your friend.

Several of us told our friend when her nanny was careering dangerously around country lanes with the children in the (provided) car. Friend was glad to be told and quickly found a nanny who drove responsibly.

Imagine the worst happened and you had to tell your friend that you had had concerns but not mentioned them to her!

Three is definitely old enough to be unattended in a secure environment like this. As others have said, they need to build independence gradually. YABU to report back on the nanny for bc something many parents would consider fine.

The child is 15 months old. Just responding to a few comments about age. Thanks for all the comments. Really helpful

Don’t see it’s an issue. I wouldnt

Is she any less vigilant and the other parents/carers? Or is there a free flow lay attitude between the rooms. Are there any playgroup organisers based in each room to supervise?

I'd assume that if the child got too close to the steps you, or another parent or volunteer, would've spotted this anyway. I think everyone chips in at a group like this because you never know who's a carer and who's a parent, and who's had 2 hours sleep that night and could really do with the help.

For all you know the nanny could've been arranging a play date or the other mom could be another friend or relative of your friend.

The child hasn't come to any danger so i wouldn't say anything.

Poor nanny. Does she know she is surrounded by snitches and spies?
OP, while all this was happening were you keeping an eye on your own kid or you only had eyes for the nanny?

what do you mean "poor nanny"? She is paid to do a job, is it too much to ask that she puts her charge before her socialising?

All she has to do is keep an eye on the child, no one is complaining that she is leaving the child play independently = as she should. But keeping an eye on him? How is that too much?

If she doesn't like the job, she can do something else.

If parents are happy to leave a 15 months old unsupervised and out of sight, it's their business. It's wrong, but it's a parental choice. The nanny is out of order.

Nannies do get a break. When their charges are napping, and a 15 month old would definitely be napping at some point. Having a break at playgroup doesn't sound ideal. Having a break in the park whilst your charge is asleep in the buggy in front of you, or whilst walking and talking is perfectly normal. All playgroups ask that parents/carers supervise the attendees, it is not a child care facility or creche. It is parents who need a break to socialise if they are looking after kids 24/7 and building up a network of friends for their child. Yes nannies need a support network but it is not independent of looking after the child, so socialise with the child in view not disappearing over the horizon. I've attended plenty of playgroups with my three and there were plenty of times when supervigilance was required,even when the door was safely guarded. There were steps, there were things that you could bump your head on, things your child could swallow, not to speak of doors that could slam or other children that could push your child over. It is like at home really. You cannot make an entirely safe environment. would you let your child of 15 months wander around upstairs whilst you were downstairs, even if there was a stairgate? I thought not.

If it were my child I would appreciate being told.

At that age YANBU. different if three and learning independence.