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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breeder refusing to give me puppy or my money back

506 replies

Ownerofsmallpeople · 14/01/2020 18:30

I’m not sure if I’m being u or where I stand on this.
DH and I have decided to get a puppy early feb. We have a 2 year old and another on the way but not due til summer. We have wanted a dog for ages and decided now is the best time as my DC has just started full time nursery, I’m not in work so I have plenty of time during the day to train and spend time with the puppy. For a few weeks after I give birth DH will be taking over walks but I will still be doing the training during the day and newborn will be joining me on school runs etc so my routine doesn’t change really. I’ve raised puppies before so I know what it entails and also obviously had a newborn before so I don’t see any great issues.
We went to view some puppies a couple of weeks ago with DC, chose a specific puppy, breeder was happy discussing diet and training etc and then asked for a deposit. I paid the deposit via bank transfer the next morning. She has now text me last night and said she had one of her friends (who is also friends with me via Facebook) to have a look at my Facebook profile and show her what was on it and she has seen that I’m pregnant and now is telling me I’m “deceitful” and she “can’t trust me with her puppy”. I didn’t think it was a huge deal and I was required to tell her I was pregnant? Obviously the puppy is going to a good home with us so I don’t see an issue. I completely understand wanting your puppies to go to a good home that will look after them but I wouldn’t have thought having a baby 6 months after purchasing a puppy was a big deal.
The conversation went on for about 20 minutes of her basically patronising me and saying that in 6 months I would be calling her to take the dog back. I eventually said to her to either tell me she’s happy for the puppy to come to us or she’s not happy for the puppy to come to us, she replied “I’ll speak to my partner and decide”. I have not heard from her yet so I text her again saying she needs to let me know or send me my money back, she has read the message and ignored it.
Am I in the wrong? What would you do?

OP posts:
Amatteroftime · 14/01/2020 22:26

What k1233 said.

She isn't a responsibke breeder given how her bitch emded up pregnant. That being said, I wouldn't sell a pup to a pregnant woman with a toddler. Puppies have different personalities and raising a puppy as an adult is one thing...raising one with a toddler, and a newborn? It's a recipe for some heart break.

It can be made to work. But it is rare.

TriciaH87 · 14/01/2020 22:28

Firstly I paid my deposit in cash meaning we had a receipt. I would ask her to draw up a contract maybe that you will not be returning the dog in 6 months but that if you had to rehome the dog in the first year she gets a final say in who the puppy goes to. Put in it that she is entitled to visit the puppy on several occasions after the baby has arrived to satisfy her that the puppy is still loved and cared for.

Dancingbea · 14/01/2020 22:29

I don’t see why selling to a pregnant woman is any worse than selling to someone who works full time or has tons of other commitments. It seems quite judgmental.

MadameButterface · 14/01/2020 22:43

Yabu to get a puppy when pg
Yabu to get a puppy with a toddler
Yabu to buy a puppy off a backyard breeder

When the backyard breeder is the most sensible person in this whole scenario it doesn’t exactly reflect well does it?

Yanbu to want deposit back

k1233 · 14/01/2020 22:50

Dancingbea a person working full-time who has considered the needs of a dog before getting one can still spend plenty of time with the dog outside of work.

When someone has young children their attention and focus, very reasonably, is on the kids and their needs and puppy is at the bottom of the priority list.

To raise a good dog, which is socialised, well trained, nicely behaved, a dog everyone loves; well that doesn't happen by accident. It takes a huge investment of time and energy. Not just a daily walk and some food.

Nikhedonia · 14/01/2020 22:50

her dog got pregnant by accident during a park run
I actually can't get past this. Should be a thread title in Classics.

GrinGrinGrin that really made me laugh

Didkdt · 14/01/2020 22:50

We got our dog from a family that bought a puppy had a new born and a 3 year old, and the nanny was refusing to manage all 3 on her return to work.....

Dio23489432489234 · 14/01/2020 23:10

Okay so it's about 50/50 on people who bought a puppy when they had a toddler and a newborn and did just fine vs people who breed/work in shelters/work with dogs and see them given up all the time by people with toddlers and newborns.

So who would put a living creature in a home where there's a 50% chance of it being returned rehomed? Not me!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/01/2020 23:18

So a friend of a friend let her dog get pregnant at the park and is selling the puppies. That's not what I'd call a dog breeder. It is someone I would expect to mess you about and then ghost you without returning your money though

Live and learn

This ^^

Justsocross · 14/01/2020 23:26

I breed show dogs and in this situation I would not sell you a puppy at the moment . I would however immediately return any money you had paid. The combination of toddler new baby and what would be an 8 month old puppy is a disaster in the making . And I know I’ve done it !!!! Even with then 30 years experience of dogs it was hell !!!

MrsBethel · 14/01/2020 23:38

If the dog seller didn’t ask the OP if she was pregnant, she can’t get shitty about it, can she?

I’m sure she’ll give the money back, but there’s always the small claims court if not.

It’s a blessing in disguise. You’ll be well shot of this drama-queen-facebook-stalker-nut-job-park-breeder.

Streamside · 14/01/2020 23:56

She's a crazy lady, it's challenging to have a puppy and a baby but she took your deposit and entered a contract with you. I'm struck by the fact that the liaison in the park means you don't know what breed the father is so it's not an ideal situation.
Threaten her with the police, trading standards etc and get the money back.

Original poster
Ownerofsmallpeople · 15/01/2020 00:13

@lborgia my toddler is already in nursery, she gets half government funded and we pay for her to go full time because she loves it. It doesn’t coincide with the new baby coming as she will already have been there for 7 months.

OP posts:
marshmallowss · 15/01/2020 00:22

Sorry thread derail but you lost me at full time nursery for a 2 year old when you're not at work.
And you say the toddler gets half government funded. Aged 2? Meaning it's a means tested benefit but yet you can afford to pay for the rest of the week even though you aren't working.

IncrediblySadToo · 15/01/2020 00:25

@Ownerofsmallpeople

I’m not sure someone as irresponsible as the woman selling the puppies from a dog she allowed to get pregnant out on a run, is really in any place to be judging your ability to care for a dog.🙄

Obviously they are her dog’s puppies so she can refuse to sell one to you, but her sly FB snooping AFTER taking your deposit is wrong and her ‘tone’ with you saying you were ‘deceitful’ is nasty. If she wanted to know your plans for your family she should have asked. And as someone else mentioned, what what she have done if you didn’t know you were pregnant or had got pregnant after paying her the money??. I mean FFS, lots of couples with a 2 yo are planning when to have the next baby 🙄 it’s hardly a shock is it?

However, I think you’re jumping the gun saying she’s refusing to give you a refund. She wanted to talk to her DH & have a think about it....give her a chance!

Not that you asked, but....

That said, I think if this had been your first, it might have been ok....but a second baby is really a different experience than the first. Not only do you have all the practical stuff to do for the first, but you don’t have two adults to focus on the one baby and you often have a toddler regressing/kicking off/feeling abandoned/needing much more attention etc...it can be incredibly draining on its own. Plus two small people that wake through the night. Then a small child, a toddler/crawler when the puppy hits the ‘terrible teens’ and is treating the children’s toys like their own, destroying things the two kids are upset over. It could work out ok, but there’s not a cat in hells chance that I’d be finding out. I’d leave it until the youngest us at least 3 and even then I’d probably get a dog, not a puppy. If I really didn’t want to wait I’d definitely get a dog, not a puppy.

zoobincan · 15/01/2020 00:33
  1. YABU to call this woman a 'breeder'
  1. She has probably sold that puppy ten times over and collected in multiple deposits which she won't be returning.
Original poster
Ownerofsmallpeople · 15/01/2020 00:35

@marshmallowss DH earns just under the threshold to not get help so we do get a tiny bit of universal credit - meaning DC gets 5 half days a week funded. We pay extra to top up to half time. It is expensive but dc loves nursery and it’s got her into a good routine and ready for when she’d be full time at age 3 anyway.

OP posts:
zoobincan · 15/01/2020 00:39

Wait, you are so low Income that you get UC but you don't work and you pay for your DD to go full time to nursery Confused

There was me reading about people using food banks when they are on UC when all along it pays enough for one parent to stay at home and nursery fees Shock

I know you don't make the rules OP but I'm somewhat baffled at this. Mumsnet is full of people on UC who can't afford their next meal!

Cryingoverspilttea · 15/01/2020 00:40

"but I wouldn’t have thought having a baby 6 months after purchasing a puppy was a big deal."

You really have no idea how much hard work a puppy can be at around 5/6m old do you? With a newborn the puppy will likely be neglected on some level for the next 12 months. Instead of giving it your undivided attention. A dog isn't just a pet, it's essentially a leathal weapon if mistrained or raised incorrectly, no matter what the breed. Also there is a reason most dog homes don't rehome to families with babies or pregnant women.

butwhateverfor · 15/01/2020 01:09

Would be more concerned how you will pay for and insure the dog as well as 2 kids on a income so low you get funding for a 2 year old.

MissPepper8 · 15/01/2020 01:19

Wouldn't of put the uc and funded child care down op..

She's unreasonable to not refund you as your deal no longer stands, just message her a polite messaging saying you understand her position but you would like your deposit back as she has no right to withold it from you now you are not receiving a puppy (I assume because she is stupid enough to let her unspayed dog get pregnant at a park she never made you sign anything otherwise? Don't mention the purchase of any other dog). If she doesnt reply again in a day, say you'll will be involving small claims court if she continues to ignore you and the matter (I don't know how much your deposit was, even though I read through). Don't get hostile, just be firm and clear.

TeensArghhhh · 15/01/2020 01:20

What breed(s) is the puppy OP? Sorry if I've missed your reply

glabicki · 15/01/2020 01:35

Irresponsible dog owner, not "breeder". And you're irresponsible too. Can't believe people are still buying puppies in this day and age when there are dog rescues full to the brim with dogs. I wouldn't get a puppy or dog until my kids were older anyway. Irresponsible people all round!

thejollyroger · 15/01/2020 05:41

Clearly a scam.

And while I don’t usually believe in judging people and their situations, I do think it’s a bit much to be sitting there accepting state benefits, increasing the size of your family and then buying a dog (nobody needs a dog).

mintyt · 15/01/2020 05:47

I too think it's really sad that your a SAHM and your child is in nursery full time even when three doesn't need to be in full time if your at home.

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