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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breeder refusing to give me puppy or my money back

506 replies

Ownerofsmallpeople · 14/01/2020 18:30

I’m not sure if I’m being u or where I stand on this.
DH and I have decided to get a puppy early feb. We have a 2 year old and another on the way but not due til summer. We have wanted a dog for ages and decided now is the best time as my DC has just started full time nursery, I’m not in work so I have plenty of time during the day to train and spend time with the puppy. For a few weeks after I give birth DH will be taking over walks but I will still be doing the training during the day and newborn will be joining me on school runs etc so my routine doesn’t change really. I’ve raised puppies before so I know what it entails and also obviously had a newborn before so I don’t see any great issues.
We went to view some puppies a couple of weeks ago with DC, chose a specific puppy, breeder was happy discussing diet and training etc and then asked for a deposit. I paid the deposit via bank transfer the next morning. She has now text me last night and said she had one of her friends (who is also friends with me via Facebook) to have a look at my Facebook profile and show her what was on it and she has seen that I’m pregnant and now is telling me I’m “deceitful” and she “can’t trust me with her puppy”. I didn’t think it was a huge deal and I was required to tell her I was pregnant? Obviously the puppy is going to a good home with us so I don’t see an issue. I completely understand wanting your puppies to go to a good home that will look after them but I wouldn’t have thought having a baby 6 months after purchasing a puppy was a big deal.
The conversation went on for about 20 minutes of her basically patronising me and saying that in 6 months I would be calling her to take the dog back. I eventually said to her to either tell me she’s happy for the puppy to come to us or she’s not happy for the puppy to come to us, she replied “I’ll speak to my partner and decide”. I have not heard from her yet so I text her again saying she needs to let me know or send me my money back, she has read the message and ignored it.
Am I in the wrong? What would you do?

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 14/01/2020 18:55

her dog got pregnant by accident during a park run

Well, if that's not motivation to keep running, I don't know what is!

iismum · 14/01/2020 18:56

We got a puppy when I was 4 months pregnant and it worked brilliantly. A baby and a puppy is a good combination as you can just strap the baby in the carrier and take the dog out - more tricky with a toddler in my opinion!

fairlyplump · 14/01/2020 18:58

I think you should have your deposit back, but I do admire the fact she cares enough to be concerned where her puppies are going.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/01/2020 18:59

This sounds like a recipe for disaster. If you're keen to get a puppy why not get one from a proper breeder? Plus i agree with most of the other replies. Madness to get a puppy with a very small child and another on the way. You say you've got experience - You've had a baby, you've had a puppy, but you've never had a baby, toddler and puppy all at the same time i presume.

Floralnomad · 14/01/2020 18:59

She hasn’t as yet declined to give your money back , she simply hasn’t responded so I think you’ve jumped the gun a bit with this thread . What sort of puppy is it anyway ?

ClownsandCowboys · 14/01/2020 18:59

We've got a 5.5 month old puppy and a 7 and 10 Yr old. And I have had a puppy before and knew what to expect. And yet it has sent me demented at times.

It is absolutely batshit to get a puppy when you have a newborn and a toddler. The breeder should give you your money back, although ultimately she needs to ensure the puppy goes to a decent home.

SebandAlice · 14/01/2020 19:00

I think a toddler and a puppy is worse than a baby and a puppy. You will need to watch them constantly otherwise the toddler will get bitten. Throw a baby into the mix and it will be extremely stressful as you will be pulled in all directions.

Somebodystired · 14/01/2020 19:01

YABU. She told you she would discuss with her partner, you then said she needs to either let you have the dog or return your money. If shes still waiting to discuss with her partners what response do you expect in the mean time?!

She hasn't refused to return your deposit, has she?

She is being responsible not to sell you the puppy.

Genevieva · 14/01/2020 19:03

Get this moved to legal. You will get more precise advice.

As well as contract law and pregnancy discrimination, assuming it is a pedigree dog, she willl be part of a breed association, so you can get in touch with them. I think she needs to give you the puppy whether she likes it or not.

Littlemeadow123 · 14/01/2020 19:03

Please wait until your kids are older before getting a puppy.

The breeder should give you your money back though.

Oldraver · 14/01/2020 19:04

Send her a message saying that you have done some research on her and have now found out that she is an riresponsible backyard breeder and you now dont want a dog of indeterminate parentage, so expect your money back immediately.

Or just please return my deposit

ChangeInTime · 14/01/2020 19:05

Pregnancy discrimination? What a lot of shit. That argument won't fly. Breeders don't have to give their animals to anyone, but withholding the deposit will. If that's what she's doing. It's a little too early to tell.

Equanimitas · 14/01/2020 19:07

You’ve had puppies and babies before and know what it entails

Not necessarily. If you haven't had a baby with, say, colic or dairy intolerance, you may not appreciate that you can't possibly look after both the baby and the puppy adequately - especially when there's a toddler in the mix as well.

Summerdiamond · 14/01/2020 19:07

Another who had a baby & a puppy at the same time, not seeing the big deal, they are best friends who adore each other & have an amazing bond.
I used a reputable breeder who had no issue with me being pregnant at the time I was getting the pup.
Agree with PP who said get your “friend” who allowed her to FB stalk you to get your money back & find a breeder less batshit!
Good luck

Scarsthelot · 14/01/2020 19:09

As well as contract law and pregnancy discrimination, assuming it is a pedigree dog, she willl be part of a breed association, so you can get in touch with them. I think she needs to give you the puppy whether she likes it or not.

Dont be ridiculous AND read the thread!

LordOfTheWhys · 14/01/2020 19:10

Maybe she's not had the chance to speak to her partner yet. I think you should get your money back but you should tell the next breeder that you're pregnant and don't be surprised if they decide you can't have a puppy either.

PepePig · 14/01/2020 19:14

I'm sure she'll return your deposit once she's spoken to her partner properly, which will probably happen tonight. She probably hadn't came to a conclusion yet, which is why she ignored your message (also- were you rude?)

But yes, as much as a breeder can be 'responsible', she is. Having a puppy, a young child and a newborn is a recipe for disaster. Wait until both your kids are 6-8 y/o and get a family dog where everyone gets a say. It's madness to get one now (also, what would happen if one of your children were allergic? If you have a newborn with CMPA/silent reflux/colic or anything 'wrong' with her where you would need to attend hospital appointments and have frequent bad nights? As boring as these things are to consider, you have to).

Of course, people have dogs and babies together. But I think when you can hold off on a dog when you have kids, you should. Obviously it's different if you already have a dog, but make life easier for yourself.

Scarsthelot · 14/01/2020 19:16

For everyone who says 'baby and puppy were fine', theres a load of dogs in refuses because it wasnt fine.

A toddler, baby and young dog is a bad idea.

OP, she needs to give you your money back. But give it time.

However, I dont believe you are a responsible dog owner. Why would you buy a dog from her in the first place, if that is the situation? Non health checked mother and father?

Buying a puppy now is a terrible idea. Many people rehome in the same situation. The odds are that your dog will be rehomed.

Theroigne · 14/01/2020 19:17

Argh sorry op but I’m on the breeder’s side here. Toddler plus baby plus puppy.... wtf?! Glutton for punishment! No responsible breeder really should allow this. When we bought our pup I was GRILLED by the breeder. I didn’t get her until the dds were 7 and 9 either. It was still a struggle, because the dds had to be dragged along every time I walked the dog out of school time. Much easier now that I can leave them, but still a HUGE commitment.

Enjoy your little children and save the puppy for when you need to fight the urge for a third dc!

momtoboys · 14/01/2020 19:22

I she isn't going to give you your deposit back SHE is the one being unreasonable. A puppy with a 2 year old and a newborn is a disaster waiting to happen. A lot of breeders won't sell a puppy to families with children under the age of 6.

Branleuse · 14/01/2020 19:24

Ask for your deposit back. Dont get a puppy. Thats mental. Breeder is right, but you should get your money back

DeathByPuppy · 14/01/2020 19:24

A toddler.
A newborn.
A puppy.

I chose YABU because that is an insane combination and I would hope that a responsible, ethical breeder would be questioning your ability to cope and give the puppy the time and calm environment it needs.

On the other hand, you are not unreasonable in expecting your deposit back. Presumably you have a contract and receipt?

schafernaker · 14/01/2020 19:24

My parents got a puppy when DD was 1. Mum looks after DD 1 day a week and always is run ragged by the pair of them. They’re bloody cute together but for no longer than a day at a time. Throw a baby in the mix and I’d be worried. I’d wait until you’ve had baby and see how you get on with 2 DCs first

sonjadog · 14/01/2020 19:27

I think you are a bit premature in deciding she won't give you your money back. Give her until tomorrow to respond and then get angry about it.

MovingBriskyOn · 14/01/2020 19:28

Puppyzilla!