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AIBU?

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Original poster

Breeder refusing to give me puppy or my money back

506 replies

Ownerofsmallpeople · 14/01/2020 18:30

I’m not sure if I’m being u or where I stand on this.
DH and I have decided to get a puppy early feb. We have a 2 year old and another on the way but not due til summer. We have wanted a dog for ages and decided now is the best time as my DC has just started full time nursery, I’m not in work so I have plenty of time during the day to train and spend time with the puppy. For a few weeks after I give birth DH will be taking over walks but I will still be doing the training during the day and newborn will be joining me on school runs etc so my routine doesn’t change really. I’ve raised puppies before so I know what it entails and also obviously had a newborn before so I don’t see any great issues.
We went to view some puppies a couple of weeks ago with DC, chose a specific puppy, breeder was happy discussing diet and training etc and then asked for a deposit. I paid the deposit via bank transfer the next morning. She has now text me last night and said she had one of her friends (who is also friends with me via Facebook) to have a look at my Facebook profile and show her what was on it and she has seen that I’m pregnant and now is telling me I’m “deceitful” and she “can’t trust me with her puppy”. I didn’t think it was a huge deal and I was required to tell her I was pregnant? Obviously the puppy is going to a good home with us so I don’t see an issue. I completely understand wanting your puppies to go to a good home that will look after them but I wouldn’t have thought having a baby 6 months after purchasing a puppy was a big deal.
The conversation went on for about 20 minutes of her basically patronising me and saying that in 6 months I would be calling her to take the dog back. I eventually said to her to either tell me she’s happy for the puppy to come to us or she’s not happy for the puppy to come to us, she replied “I’ll speak to my partner and decide”. I have not heard from her yet so I text her again saying she needs to let me know or send me my money back, she has read the message and ignored it.
Am I in the wrong? What would you do?

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 14/01/2020 19:50

You sound like an experienced dog owner and have actually thought this through OP but the breeder or seller or whatever she is(!) doesn't know this.

If you are determined to have her puppy then you'll have to give firm reassurances. Your plans to cover all bases, eg; support in place for several weeks should you have a c section? Your plans for older dc to be in nursery? The additional help from your dh. She doesn't know any of this.

That said, I'd be inclined to go elsewhere. Perhaps try to salvage it in a face to face meeting. so far she's been pretty unprofessional going in all guns blazing and throwing accusations around without discussing it like adults.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 14/01/2020 19:50

For every one person who has managed fine with a baby and a puppy, I bet you can easily find 20 who struggled massively. And it probably rises to 50 if you throw a toddler into the mix.

OP - you've raised one baby, but you have no idea whether the second one will be as easy. What if it barely sleeps for the first year, or has additional needs, or an allergy to animal fur, or you have a difficult birth or PND? What if your toddler's sleep patterns and behaviour go to shit? What if the puppy develops behavioural issues? Seriously, getting a puppy is a terrible idea, the likelihood of it all going wrong is far, far higher than it going well.

Veterinari · 14/01/2020 19:51

I'd suggest for the safety of your toddler and future baby, you select a responsibly bred dog of sound temperament with decent genetics and a good socialisation programme rather than a backyard breeding scam artist

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/01/2020 19:52

As a dogtrainer/behaviourist... I see a lot of the 'we got a puppy when I was off work raising children and thought I had the time and now it turns out I really didn't' cases A LOT...

I don't think it is unreasonable not to sell you a puppy - however, she needs to return your deposit asap if thats her decision.

Glitterb · 14/01/2020 19:53

She seems very high and mighty for a ‘responsible’ dog owner who let her dog get pregnant on a park run! I wouldn’t want to buy from her anyway.

Absolutely chase her for your money!

BendyLikeBeckham · 14/01/2020 19:53

what breed of dog is it?

MyNameIsMrsGrumpy · 14/01/2020 19:54

I can see both sides of this.

We’d just purchased a puppy (also had an 15 month old dog) when I found out I was pregnant with my first dc...

It worked out ok for us as the dogs had each other and big dog helped train little dog! However it was bloody hard work, and I would never do it again!

I think the person selling the puppies is well within her rights to refuse the sale and refund, but I can understand your upset and frustration.

IdiotInDisguise · 14/01/2020 19:55

I bet you money is on its way to be credited to your account. No point in talking to her anymore, there is no way she would hand you a puppy after such disagreement.

It may be a good thing at the end, when it comes to babies and toddlers, 1+1 Doesn’t equal 2.

bmbonanza · 14/01/2020 19:58

'Accidental' mating and selling the puppies is bad, but caring about where they go is not. If ever I sold puppies I wouldnt sell to someone pregnant. She has checked you out on FB which is good.

She just needs to return your ££

Sunshine1239 · 14/01/2020 19:58

Some people are so dramatic

Raising a puppy is hard work but come on it’s not that bad! Babies are not that hard either. Esp if you’ve had one before. You know your capabilities OP. Most people I know who struggled with puppies are the same people who stayed in pyjamas for weeks on end when they had babies.

When we had toddlers (2 under 2) we got a puppy as did loads of people I know! I don’t know a single person who’s given up a puppy.
Some people are naturally capable of multi tasking and avoid feeling stress.

Wallywobbles · 14/01/2020 19:58

I regretted every minute of puppies and young kids. Now we have teens and I'll not be getting more dogs. I'd always had dogs but it's put me off for life.

Livelovebehappy · 14/01/2020 20:00

I guess what she will do is refuse to give you your deposit back as she will say you were, in her words, ‘deceitful’ . She probably feels this gives her a reason to say you have forfeited the deposit. Do you know where she lives? If you do i would go knocking at her door and make a nuisance of yourself until she caves and repays you.

Dio23489432489234 · 14/01/2020 20:00

I don't think it's dramatic, it's just statistics. If a large percentage of puppies sold to parents of babies/toddlers are returned or rehomed, it makes sense to just not sell to those people.

Just because 10 people on here managed it doesn't mean that a huge percentage do not.

stophuggingme · 14/01/2020 20:01

The breed is relevant
I have three kids under six and an eight year old dog
No way on Christ’s earth would I buy a puppy with the birth of a baby impending. Too much for you and not fair on the dog.

8paws8legs · 14/01/2020 20:01

We had a dog before children so had already done lots of training I had my 2 children quite close together and it was so hard work holding childs hand, holding dog lead, carrying or pushing baby, stopping to pick up poo etc it really was very stressful, and if your off for months on mat leave what happens then when your previously trained dog gets separation anxiety and starts to destroy your house while your at work, if your both full time will you be able to afford a good dog Walker on top of childcare costs?
Your breeder may not have intended on being in this position but at least she has made the right decision it would be irresponsible of her to sell you a puppy in this situation.
Regarding the deposit did you sign any contracts etc if not I doubt you have a leg to stand on and if you did have one did you check it for any details regarding babies/children?

ChangeInTime · 14/01/2020 20:01

It isn't dramatic. Rescues sadly receive a huge number of dogs people have gotten rid of because they had a baby and got a dog around the same time or they got rid of their existing(dog/s) then realised how much work it was to juggle both,

DickDewy · 14/01/2020 20:02

We bought a puppy when I was six months pregnant. I was giving up work, we planned it all out and it was perfect. By the time the baby arrived, the dog was fully trained and wonderful company.

TexasTina · 14/01/2020 20:03

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of whether this puppy is the right thing for you and your family, you paid a deposit for a puppy. If you don't get a puppy, you get your deposit back.

Someone I know has had this with an unusual animal. The breeder stated they had seen some comments on a Facebook group that made her think they wouldn't be a suitable owner and she would no longer be selling. All three posts on this group were met with agreement from other posters. Deposit was not returned. It turned out they did this with several buyers each time.

Raindancer411 · 14/01/2020 20:03

Out of interest what is the breed or size of the dog?

SmileyClare · 14/01/2020 20:05

To be fair Op has mentioned;

-Her toddler will be going into a full time nursery when she has the baby
-DH will be doing all dog walking for first few weeks and supporting
-She has raised puppies before
She doesn't work

This doesn't sound like a choice made on a whim . Obviously there could be unforeseen difficulties but that could apply to anyone buying a puppy.

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 14/01/2020 20:05

She is not a ‘responsible breeder’ she is a foolish dog owner who didn’t get her bitch spayed and also let it roam at the park when it was in season

Do you even know what breed it was pregnant by?
You presumeably know nothing of the temperament of the father of the new pup?

Getting a puppy with a new baby is madness and add a toddler into the mic who may well be very put out about the new baby and wry demanding- well-

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 14/01/2020 20:07

Posted too soon-Recipe for a rehomed Dog.
Your new baby may be a needy baby
Your pup may be a difficult to train highly strung cross breed

Your toddler needs all mums spare attention when a new baby arrives

Dodge this OP
Rethink the puppy idea

Def await your money back but if she says you can have the puppy just decline.

SleightOfMind · 14/01/2020 20:09

I’m quite heartened that she bothered to research you and baulked at the idea of letting a puppy go to a family expecting a new baby.
Sounds like she really cares about her dogs’ wellbeing and is not just in it for the money.

Why don’t you try and patch things up with her, try and allay her fears or wait for a puppy after your baby has arrived?
You never know how things will be after the birth so probably best to get the new baby settled before bringing a dog in.

BecauseReasons · 14/01/2020 20:11

I'd give it a day or so and then chase the deposit. Tbh I'd strongly advise against getting a puppy at this stage though- I've seen a friend do it and she ended up rehoming the dog a couple of months in as it was too much. As PP have said, it's very common. Why can't you just wait a bit until you've found your feet with baby number two? I understand the jump from one kid to two to be pretty difficult on its own, without putting a young dog into the mix.

Scarsthelot · 14/01/2020 20:15

Her toddler will be going into a full time nursery when she has the baby
-DH will be doing all dog walking for first few weeks and supporting
*-She has raised puppies before
She doesn't work

The toddler womt be at nursery all day every day.

Walking the dog for the first few week is nothing. The dogs come from an inexperienced breeder, who hasn't health checked either parent. The puppy could have behavioural or health issues that require more care.

If OP has raised puppies before, I hope she bought them more responsibly before, rather tha. She must know all puppies have different needs and she cant predict how easy or hard it will be.

So many dogs end up in rescues because of these situations. Far more than are actually successful.

What do you mean she doesnt work? She will have 2 small children.

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