That my friend thinks she's better then me?

[Sickofcondescendingfriend]

So, here it is. I had tried for years for a baby and finally conceived through full IVF.

About 6 weeks after my pregnancy was confirmed. My friend popped over and told me she was 'accidentally' pregnant with some bloke she just started seeing.

There it began really. Her pregnancy was perfect and she was so chilled all the way through. Mine was a nightmare with heavy bleeding, diabetes, and despite trying not to be anxious, obviously I was.

Her baby was born about 2 months after mine. My DS was a nightmare from day one. Induction/Birth went wrong and rushed for emergency c section. She popped hers out in a few hours with minimal fuss. Both are first borns.

My DS has been a crap sleeper since day one. Hers has been a great sleeper since the moment he popped into the world. Mine still doesn't settle himself at age 2 and never has. "you should just let him cry, that's what i do", no mention of the fact she's only ever needed to do it about twice because he's always slept well, but on the couple of occasions I did have a go, mine got so worked up he was physically sick. No thanks.

Mine hated tummy time and as such crawled late. Hers has done everything faster and sooner.

I would not be bothered about any of this if it wasn't for how smug she is and the pointed little comments which make me think she thinks it's because she's a better parent, not because her son is super chilled and mine is a pain in the proverbial.

I'm a bit pfb, but I don't mind that. She is always forgetting stuff she needs and borrowing stuff. Then mocks me being over organised and bringing too much stuff with me.

Her son has been at nursery for over a year and mine doesn't go yet, my choice. Mine isn't great at sharing (he's 2!?!?) hers is admittedly a bit better. "you should send him to nursery, that would fix that". Whenever mine is having a clingy stage "you should send him to nursery, that would fix that". No mention of the fact her boy was doing exactly the same thing a few weeks ago....

Today we met for lunch. She doesn't do mornings because her boy sleeps until 10am. I don't do lunch dates, generally because my son doesn't eat well in public and its around nap time. So then he's tired AND hangry and it's just not an enjoyable experience. She was late which dragged it all even closer to nap time.

In the end my son was so badly behaved I said i was calling it quits and getting him in the car for nap. Said this is our worst time to do anything, so I'd like to do earlier meets or later meets. Her response was yeah, that's why ive always make my son nap at 3 or 4 so we can have a proper day out. Yet another, 'you should have done it differently barb'. If my son naps that late, my chances of him going to bed are zero. Which is the same for most other mums I know? Right?

So anyway. When she does stuff I wouldn't do. I don't judge her or feel the need to comment on it. So why does she always seem like she's trying to get a one up on me?

I feel like saying f#ck it ive got enough friends and cutting ties. But I haven't really. I'm also hormonal and peed off with my job and my hubby atm so maybe I'm being over sensitive?

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could handle the barbs, without letting it rile me??

Thanks in advance....

Honestly if her baby is easy and yours is high needs, she's not going to understand and will think she's done a better job. If she has another and it's not so easy, then she'll understand!!! I reckon kids come out fully formed and there's nothing you can do 😁

You sound cross with her, right from the moment she announced her pregnancy, so I suspect that at least some of this is a flawed interpretation of her motives.

And anyway, if your child doesn't have to go to childcare I assume you are SAHM so maybe she is jealous of that?

Or that her baby was conceived accidentally with someone she barely knew while your baby was much planned and loved, with a participating father?

Maybe every time you mention being at home with your baby or your husband she similarly seethes.

As pp have said, it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong, or whether it's all a big misunderstanding, the friendship has clearly run its course.

In my experience 'good' babies generally become nightmare toddlers and vice versa. Only rarely i have seen a 'good' baby become a 'good' toddler.

All that matters is that you recognise your child's needs and put them above whingey, holier-than-thou so-called friends.

I think we're all good enough at making ourselves feel shit without having 'friends' that donor for us too!

Surround yourself with people who build you up,not knock you down!

Oh and try to remember the rather bitchy thing I was told by my the husband's first wife, when our DD was and angelic baby and toddler, Devil in the cradle, Angel at the table, Angel in the cradle, Devil at the table. This was meant to mean our beautifully behaved DD would turn in to a nightmare, but it also means your child will be angelic any day soon! 😁

Sleeps till ten.. Naps at 4?

He's awake until midnight every night. Betcha.

Yep. Mine was the same. Woke at 10am, sometimes later. Napped 4pm-6pm and then bed 11pm at the earliest.

She did sleep all night though. And ever since she dropped her nap she goes to bed at a more reasonable time (8.30pm) and is up at around 8.30am. She’s a bit of a night owl!

This suited us though and enabled us to go out in the daytime, and my husband got to spend time with her after work every day. We were happy with it.

I think this is more about your own insecurities rather than your friend. I would work on your confidence OP...I bet you're a great mum, there's really no need to worry what other people's children do!

FWIW two year olds aren't designed to "share" and it's perfectly normal for them to be clingy, nursery or no nursery.

Regardless, this friendship has taken on a toxic form from your perspective. So I would step back for a little while, work on building yourself up a little and when things become a little less intense as your DS gets older and you're in a more positive frame of mind see if the friendship can get back on track.

Honestly, for those saying you’re insecure and jealous... sod that. Sounds like your “friend” is insecure and jealous. Why else would she feel the need to constantly compete with you?

I have a similar experience to yours, OP. Love my child to bits but he’s been a nightmare since his traumatic birth. If I had 10 bucks for each time someone told me how to “fix” his sleep issues I wouldn’t have to work. These people are aware of the specialists I’ve forked out thousands to to try to find a solution, yet still seem to believe this is just down to my shitty parenting. I’ll never forget the friend who chortled and said “Aww... bless your cotton socks! You have to teach babies to sleep you know, calmama. That’s why mine slept through the night soon after birth!”

Cut your friend off if she makes you feel like shit. Her next kid might not be an easy one and she’ll soon realise what an idiot she’s been. That being said, another friend with a kid who seems to have a convenient off switch recently had another and this one’s the same. So I guess she’ll never know why people avoid her and her advice now.

You two clearly don't like each other. Just pack in the friendship. Find people who you enjoy spending time with and focus on them.

Sod that. She's one of those. If I'd had dd2 first I'd think it were my amazing parenting skills too. Luckily I had dd1 first and she's a right mare I hate the smug parenting, it's so pissing annoying.

You could retort that your son has a father and hers has some random bloke?

The smugness is annoying, I would ditch her for that.

However she might be bringing up things like sleep training because you think it was easy but in fact it was bloody hard, your may be her in fact reminding you she's fought her own battle on sleep.

But OP you have to get over the jealousy. All children are different and no, it doesn't all "even out in the end". Some children will seem to struggle more at some things. Don't worry about her child, you just focus on your child.

She sounds like my EX friend. Note ex friend. It just gets so wearing after a while and you don’t need or deserve someone like that. I actually think she’s jealous of you in some way and is showing it through boasting about how great her baby is. Well if that’s all she’s got then what a saddo.

That kids awake till midnight! Also it’s hilarious how parents of toddlers say “oh mines like this or that” they’re changing all the time. I always find it hilarious when parents of toddlers look at my fussy (quite a bit older) kid and smugly say “oh toddler will eat anything” . . . Haha you won’t be saying that in a few years!

I'll be totally honest: I'm quite like your friend, and yeah, I do judge other parents/think my parenting is better than theirs. I don't buy into the "difficult sleeper" thing, for example. Sleep train your child. Similarly, my children are so well-behaved, when my friends' children are consistently badly behaved (I don't mean a one-off tantrum), then yeah, it's due to parenting differences. It's hard not to offer advice when you are doing something more successfully than someone else. She is trying to help. Perhaps you should take some of her advice?

BTW My DS naps from 9.30-10.30 and 3-4 and goes to bed at 7. You've made up the idea that they won't sleep at night - what nonsense.

You need a new friend , this woman isn't a friend , you've either outgrown each other or just not a good friendship ,
To be honest it's nicer having no friend than one that is so negative and caustic

I FF too, and would obv recommend this as good parenting for a happier and easier life for both parents and baby.

Stop wasting your time on this person.

You could retort that your son has a father and hers has some random bloke?

Bloody hell

Tartan

FF has nowt to do with it. I EBF mine and both are fab sleepers (DS slept through 7-7 at 16 weeks) and in a good routine.

Many of us find BF easier. No faff with prepping bottles and you've always got sterile milk at the perfect temp right on tap

I don't think your friend is all that bad to be honest and all the posters agreeing with you and tearing into someone they don't know are pretty nasty.

You're clearly finding it a struggle, constantly referring to your ds as a nightmare etc, I think this is more of a you problem.

Tartan,

You can't be a good parent. You have zero empathy.

Your kids may be miserable but you're probably too wrapped up in how wonderful you are, to notice.

@bingbangbing Not true. I think some people are better at parenting than others. Some people are better in their careers than others, too. You're not honestly going to say that all people are equally good at this, are you? I think people who are less talented at this should learn from those doing parenting well. Same as anything else in life.

You demonstrated a total lack of empathy.

You're still doing it.

Empathy is necessary for good parenting.

Seriously man, give up

@bingbangbing Nice try. We can be kind and understanding when our friends are doing a poor job of something. It doesn't mean we aren't doing a better job (some of us demonstrably are).