Nobody's bothering with my new baby

[tiredandgrumpyx]

I gave birth on Friday by emergency c section and came home Sunday I have a two year old dd and an adult dd child. When I had little dd people came to visit bought little gifts and cards ect but this time nothing no visitors no cards nothing. I didn't have a baby shower so I don't know do people generally not bother with second baby's?
I'm feeling very down actually my dh isn't being that nice I've not even had a cheep bunch of flowers from him. He just seems annoyed that he has to help me more. I'm just trying to get on with it as I feel asking for help is just pissing him off
Anyway just wanted to get that off my chest I probably am being unreasonable or hormonal I just feel really forgotten

If it makes you feel any better, I was the third baby.

There are very few photos of me as a baby and infant because as my parents put it, 'Well, by then we'd kind of done it all, twice. Sorry.'

Don't take it personally. But your DH needs to start pulling his weight.

Perhaps people are giving you space?
When I had an amergency c section (first baby) I was overwhelmed with visitors when I just wanted to recover alone (with DH).
A relative has recently had one and we were very careful not to overwhelm her, she may have even had not that many visitors in the first couple of weeks.
Never heard of husbands buying flowers or other gifts for the mother though! I'm not aware of anyone I know ever doing this.

Congratulations OP!

Of course your new baby is no less precious than your first. If you were my friend I would be itching to come round for a cuddle. However knowing you had a tough time I would also be waiting for an invite rather than inviting myself.
Sometimes I think first time mums get more frequent visitors because people feel they might be in need of help or someone with experience. We all know how much people love to share their advice!

Bear in mind you might also feel especially low as this the time baby blues set in. Tell your midwife- she might have a word with your husband about pulling his wait and looking after you!!!!!!

You must be feeling pretty low anyway after a C section, so mayeb that's contributing to things. Your DH sounds like he needs a short sharp reminder but nothing as extreme as some posters seem to think - he just doesn't 'get it' I reckon. Friends and family may not be flocking around but that doesn't mean you can't invite people round if you want 'to see the new baby and catch up' - congratulations on your little one and I hope things get better for you as you recover from what is actually major surgery x

he just doesn't 'get it' I reckon.

WTF is there not to get? Two people made a baby therefore both people are equally responsible for it. I'm quite sure that he doesn't think the bloody stork flew in through the window one night and deposited an unasked for baby in their home. And I suspect that he's probably aware that babies can't take care of themselves. Common sense would tell anyone that it takes time for the Mother to recover from pregnancy and having a baby especially when she's just had major abdominal surgery.

When I had my second baby he didn't get half as many presents or cards as my first. I keep things like cards for their memory boxes so it's going to obvious if they ever compare contents when they're older. My second only got cards and gifts from the Grandparents and our siblings. I think people assume you have everything you need from your first baby, especially in our case as we have two boys.

I understand I'm not expecting presents it's not even really about the presents it's like not one person is bothered I've not received one card from anyone with last dd I had lots it was lovely but this baby feels like nobody cares
Not even a text to see how anyone is doing
I guess Iabu and it is what it is I'm not a greedy person and I'm not materialistic I just did think I meant more to people I consider to be friends and family with

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy I'm another third child. No photos of me either when I was a baby either because the camera was in repair.

Your biggest problem is your DH. You need to have a serious talk with the twat when you feel strong enough.

People are just crap!

I had this with my second - to make matters worse it was also my 40th birthday. No one bothered with that either!

Accept it's nothing personal. Make sure YOU make enough fuss ( i know it sounds daft but I didn't take half as many photos of no 2 and I wish I had!) Can you treat baby to a photoshoot (you can get an amazing lady round here for £40) It is probably because you already have a grown up child. I think people fuss over first babies because they know the mum is completely wtf has just happened! They're probably presuming you're all good to go!

I would have expected a message or call from immediate family though. Friends not so much, but again your DH is a far bigger issue than any of this.

Also, congratulations on your new baby.

I suspect if your husband was acting like a decent husband and father you'd feel less bothered about friends and family not showering you with gifts and attention.

Kick him into touch today.

Congratulations on your 👶

Bless you op ? I remember feeling like this when I had my 4th(!) - my dh went back to work really quickly (to be fair to him it was a difficult time in his business) and no one seemed to bother visiting and bringing presents like they did with the others.One of my dh’s business contacts sent us a big bunch of balloons and dh let the kids let go of them outside and I cried my eyes out!! I remember saying “that was the only nice thing someone did - you didn’t even buy me a bunch of flowers and now you’ve gone and done that!!” And he was horrified - I seem to remember him rushing out to buy me a bunch from the garage. I think people just assume “oh, she’s an old pro at this now, she probably just wants to be left alone”. But it wasn’t how I felt at all. You feel so vulnerable and fragile when you have a baby and you just need a bit of support and kindness. Tell your dp how you feel, men are generally clueless and maybe he just doesn’t realise?

So parents, siblings, close friends-none have been to visit or given a card or small gift?

Have they phoned/messaged to say congratulations?

Perhaps they're giving you time to recover & think that as your husband is at home they've no need to come and help with anything?

I'm going to go against the grain here as I was equally excited to met my BIL's 3rd child as I was to meet the first - and there a re several years difference between them. Unfortunately we aren't close so we (me and DH) don't really see them more than a few times a year but keep up to date with achievements etc via Facebook.

Your DH OTOH is being an arse and needs to step up

i announced 6th pregnancy to one family member and got 'nothing on t.v then ? [laugh] 'paws are you still helping out with the cake stall on saturday ?'

Congratulations on your lovely new baby who I am sure is absolutely gorgeous.

It's gutting when people don't take an interest, I remember my feelings when I had mine and wanted to show him off to the whole world.

Your husband sounds really mean, you'vejust had a section and you need the extra help. Just look after you and the baby, don't do anything else. He has to step up and help you.

Agree with PPs. I wouldn't dream of visiting someone just recovering from a CS, unless I had been invited.

@JosefKeller

Unless you ask people, no one should be rude enough to barge in on a mother with a newborn.

I take it you are new to mumsnet?

I take it you are new to mumsnet?

I do know of the poor posters who had to deal with CF horrible in-laws barging in for a "cuddle" and expecting to be served by the new mother!
So my point stands, no one should be that rude and inconsiderate! Sadly, some are...

YANBU, especially in relation to your DH. I wonder if people aren’t visiting in order to avoid him? However, it doesn’t excuse the lack of any interest from others.

Do you have anyone you can reach out to for a bit of support? Family or friends? Ask for help if you need it. No shame whatsoever in doing this.

Put your PJs on and stay in your room or at least on one floor if at all possible. Do no housework but make a list of what needs doing for DH. If he moans find a YouTube clip of a CS and make him watch it. Don’t watch it yourself. It will remind him of why you are presently incapacitated.

And remember you are hitting the 3/4 days blues. Very real, very hormonal and it does pass o be kind to yourself and rest. And rest.

Congratulations on the new baby. But yeah, nobody cares so much about a 2nd baby :(

Brutal truth? Nobody's that interested. By the time you've had three, they've all had their own and there's novelty value. Even family won't be that bothered.
But shit that your husband can't manage a bunch of flowers.

Sorry, no novelty value.

I had waaaaay less visitors with baby 2 and LOVED it

I loved those early days of my 4 year old at school, their dad at work, and just me and newborn. Was so quiet and bliss. It's such a blur now.

Have a word with your dh and ask him what his problem is. I didn't get any support during labour or flowers or anything after. My lovely OH was actually cheating on me at the time - found out months later.

It's a huge come down when you feel like wonder woman after you've delivered a baby and it's like no one gets what the hell you just did. I make a point to always tell new mums well done!! so BLOODY WELL DONE OP! You are incredible (all us mums are!) xx