To think DS is very ungrateful

[mummaaw]

All ds 7 went on about up to Xmas was that he wanted a Nintendo switch
So me and Dh saved up to get him one and got 2 games it came to over £300 and he has only played it once he realised that the games are quite hard compared to robox that he plays all the time so he has only played it once and it is sat in the box collecting dust.
His behaviour hasn't been great lately so we've banned him from Xbox but he still has not even asked to play the Nintendo I understand it's harder but he can't even be bothered to try, I'm actually really upset.

Of course it doesn't, Wax. It's more the idea that anyone should be put out because their 7 yo isn't spending enough time on a console.

As for 'not living in the 80s': my DC are older teenagers, and one in particular is welded to her phone. So, obviously, I am not a parent who has avoided technology. I am, however, glad that their childhoods weren't spent staring at screens as well.

And to the poster who mentioned 'performance parenting': going to the park isn't exactly performance parenting. Neither is benign neglect, which my DC both experienced (it tended to involve them making an unholy mess in the house, one way or another, but at least it was sociable and reasonably creative).

More fool you for buying it if he's already got an X box.

The issue seems to be your feelings about his behavior, not whether he's actually using the game console you got for him or not. You seem genuinely perturbed in your posts, you say his behavior hasn't been great lately, unless your son has pulled a Veruca Salt stomping his feet telling you that the gift sucks, is horrible, and hates you do you think maybe you might be taking two separate issues and making them one?

What I'm hearing when I read your post OP is that your feelings are hurt that your son asked you for a nice, pricey Christmas gift which you were able to get for him. Now that Christmas is over however, something you thought would bring your son a good amount of fun and get quite a lot of use sits quietly on the shelf. My feelings would be hurt too - anytime you buy a nice present for someone you love that isn't used stings badly, but I promise you that your son isn't trying to hurt your feelings. At seven he's not thinking "Wow, this cost a lot of money, I should really make sure I get the most out of this to show how much I appreciate the gift!" All he's thinking is "I thought this would be easier/cooler/different, but I'm bored so what should I do....I know! I'll play the game I already know I can play and enjoy". A console and 2 games is not only expensive but a really nice present. Unfortunately when you have just 2 games to choose from and either both are too difficult, or one is too difficult and the other not very fun it puts you in a position of "Well, what now?" Full disclosure - I'm a 32 year old woman and I love video games (I'll explain a bit more later) so I actually know what it's like to be in that situation right now - as an adult. The difference is that if I grow tired of a game or dislike it I simply go to the game store, trade in what I know I won't play again and get something new. Or I go online and download a game from their online store. The point is I have many options where your son has two and for whatever reason is not enjoying them. Again, I promise it's not about being an ungrateful brat, he's just a young boy whose number one Christmas wish didn't turn out like he imagined.

You say he's acting up, or misbehaving - that is obviously unacceptable but please try and make sure your punishment fits the behavior. If it's talking back or misbehaving in school - address that, don't sell his console. In his mind it will seem unfair (which it sounds to be) and will be a negative memory he'll have for life.

What's sticking out to me us you don't know WHY he isn't playing. Talk to him, ask him why, maybe ask if he wants to exchange the games for something new? Just a thought.

So as I previously said - I'm a big video game fan and have been since I was a 7 year old girl sitting with my dad while we played video games together. They're hands down my most treasured childhood memories. So while I DON'T believe in plopping your child down in front of a computer or console and saying have fun - I think if you were to find a game YOU might like to check out (there are actually a lot of non fast paced, zero violence, user friendly, easy to learn titles out there. Animal Crossing comes to mind...) and if he were to walk into the room and see mom enjoying his really cool Christmas gift? I'm sure it'd peak his interest! That may be a lot to ask, but I know from experience as a child just starting to play video games...you're just learning your hand/eye coordination and muscle memory which can make failing at a video game especially frustrating because you're physically incapable in your form and at your current mental development state it's something that "just keep practicing" can only help SO much. I can sincerely say it was so nice to have my dad beside me to encourage me not to give up when things got hard, give me advice on how to improve, and then if it was truly beyond my level and I hadn't already asked him for help, he'd ask if I wanted help and I'd always say yes please. After watching him fail a few times before getting past whatever I was stuck on, I'd feel better and then ask to watch him play for a while. We'd take turns even when I wasn't stuck but it was so nice having my dad take interest in my hobby, cheer me on when I struggled, then step in and help me when I needed. Had I been left to the games myself I would have given up in frustration - not sure if I'd return, but you can only fail so many times before you become demoralized. So maybe picking up a game of your own will never happen, why don't you ask your son "Hey son, I was looking at the Nintendo and I thought Game A looked really interesting! Will you show me?" If he says no, ask him why, if it's too hard maybe you CAN jump in for a second and help him :)

I'm against using video games as babysitters, but utilized as a way to bond with your child and encourage things like good sportsmanship, knowing when to take a break, teamwork, etc? I'm all for it! So think about the situation and proceed from there - just try not to speculate on your son possibly being ungrateful when you're upset, take some time and when you feel ready just talk to him :) I know I built a lifetime of trust and respect for my dad that all started with a little video game time as a child. If your son learns now that he can talk to you and be honest "This game isn't fun" without you getting angry "Why aren't you enjoying it? If it's too hard or just not enjoyable let's sell it back and look at getting a game you'll enjoy" you could have amazing communication for life. I also recommend going with a gaming shop that buys/sells used games - I live in the US but we have Gamestop where I can buy a used game at a fraction of the cost and sell it back when I'm done or get a $15 membership and basically play as many games as I want - and as long as I bring them back it costs practically nothing compared to shelling out $60 every time for every game.

We bought an x box last Christmas for our 6 and 8 year olds, didn't get played for nearly a year as they found it difficult, now they love it! Sometimes it just takes time to learn how to control new devises, the skills will probably be useful for the future though, don't think technology is going away!

I wonder if the issue is your expectations of what is developmentally appropriate for a seven year old? Most seven year olds understand some things are more expensive than others but they won't really appreciate the effort involved in saving or earning money. Likewise they won't be excellent judges of what they will enjoy or what they won't. Most play video games for a bit of instant entertainment so it's not something they're expecting to be a lot of effort and when it is they naturally switch to something easier. All that is just as you'd expect for a seven year old.

I totally get that it is frustrating when you've saved up for something and it isn't as good as you'd expect but that's always a risk when you buy something expensive for a seven year old. Don't let your own feelings of disappointment spill out into your attitude towards your son.

@ExceptionFatale what you said makes sense.

My daughter was given a switch aged 7 (she was in hospital long term). A year later and she’s still not particularly interested (her big sister, 13, likes it though).

People saying it's not your to sell? Surely op is going to ask her son if he prefers something else before selling it. If he wants something else you can sell it for what it's worth and see if there is something else he may like, I don't see why not. Shame he couldn't of tried it a few times out before you bought it but it's not always possible. Obviously at that age it could be worth £20 and if they are in to it they will play with it regardless of cost. I would see if he prefer something else or wait another year to see if he gets into it.

Theres no way I'd spend spend that much on one kid

Dd2 got one last Xmas, unasked for, at 11. It's taken her a year to get to grips with it.

You'll sell it for far less than you paid. Then in a month's time he'll go round to a mate's house, join in playing on the friends switch, then come home begging for you to get him one again.

be grateful he is not using it and get him a ball instead.

@KidCaneGoat - Thanks, honestly I'm surprised you read through that mini novel I wrote - I'm obviously very passionate about the subject and when I'm passionate about it the keys keep tapping out every thought I have on the subject. After I posted and saw the length I initially thought to delete the entire thing as I look like a manic nutters (I guess that's not too far off though...)

Anyways, I wish there were an award system here like on Reddit, I'd definitely award you for making it through that post

Honestly, I agree with PPs that once you've give DC their Christmas pressies, they're not yours to sell. My F was constantly saying that our pressies belonged to him not us, because he was the one who had paid for them. (He used that same argument about our bedrooms, probably because he came into them to abuse DSis and me.)

That type of talk can really screw children up. After all, you wouldn't sell a pressie you'd given your DP or an adult family member if they didn't appear to appreciate them.

I once bought an Xbox game for my DNephew, but got an Xbox 2 game when he used an Xbox 1 (shows my ignorance of Xboxes! ). I swopped it for the correct game, simples.

You could swop the games if they're too complicated for a 7 year old. Or play on it with him, that could be fun and bonding for you both.

At any rate, it's only 3 weeks since Christmas, there's plenty of time. I think this is more about his behaviour in general, so I do think there are 2 entirely separate issues here that need to be seen completely separately from each other.

Sounds like a good idea to sell it if he agrees.
Agree with everyone else he's not being ungrateful though.

@ExceptionFatale haha! I actually found it interesting. I’m not into gaming at all so it’s another world to me.

Seven is probably too young. My DS is almost ten and he got one for Christmas. When he was seven he was still playing more basic games such as Minecraft, he only moved up to Pokemon and Legend Of Zelda when he was 8/9.

I really have to issue a warning about Robox. Both my DDs love it (they're 10 and 7), and I had an awful shock when DD2 was chatting to someone claiming to be a child but asking for her mobile number (she doesn't have one) and telling her she was very feminine. What boy playing Robox would tell a girl that? It seemed very clear that it was an adult/teenager pretending to be younger than they really were.

Thankfully she told me, and then told him that she had told her mother. It was a horrible moment, especially as my DDs love taking selfies on the phone.

YABU. You bought the wrong games for him.

Why would you not just take him to a game shop like CEX and let him have a browse, see what games he actually might like and want to play?

My DD10 asked for a Switch for her birthday a couple of years ago for her 8th birthday. Barely played with it for the first 6 months, but then got a new game that was easier/more to here liking (Paw Patrol racing and Donkey Kong), now plays with it regularly. He may just need/want a different game, maybe of his choosing?

You won't get anywhere near your money make by selling it. Keep it and encourage him to use it. Do any of his friends have one? Could he invite them over and get them to bring a game they enjoy? He maybe just needs to get over the initial "this is too hard I'll just give it a swerve and carry on with what I'm comfortable with". I mean who's never done that?

You’d waste money selling it. Fair enough if he’d never use it, but I expect soon enough he won’t be parted from it.

It’s a bit much to call him “very ungrateful”. He’s 7, he wanted it, it’s not what he thought it was. Again - he’s SEVEN. Don’t call him very ungrateful because YOU chose to spend a large amount of money on it.

I had 2 that wanted them for xmas when they were released and exactly the same happened played once or twice each and they sat 18months getting dusty and I was cross everytime I saw them. Now they're both played daily and I wish they were still gathering dust! He's probably a bit young still but I understanding its upsetting when they're so expensive.

It may take time that's all. He may just need a couple of other games that appeal more or someone to show him how to play.

Also another here who is cautious about Roblox. It's all online with unfiltered and unmonitored chat and is full of pervs. They know kids will play and they know it's all unmonitored and most parents assume it's safe by default as "it's a kids game"

You need to make sure it's properly locked down which most people don't.

www.internetmatters.org/hub/esafety-news/parents-guide-to-roblox-and-how-your-kids-can-play-it-safely/

Will help with that and explaining the different risks associated with it.

What games have you got him, what does he not like about it, the controller, the games, the ways it’s set up...

Have you and his dad played on it with him, you can’t expect to give a 7 year old a computer and just think he will learn it straight away.