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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to be worried sick about DH

63 replies

excitedforbaby9 · 12/01/2020 23:27

DH had a bad cold/flu over Christmas. He is all better now. However, last week he was complaining about about how his body felt achy and fatigued, then on Friday he lost his appetite and has barley ate anything over the weekend. Since Thursday night he has had drenching night sweats which soak the bedding :(. But his cold/flu is long gone. I’ve just got up out of bed as he has drenched the bedding and is very sweaty to the touch after one hour in bed. For some reason he will NOT ever go to the GP, i lost a friend to lymphoma many years ago who presented these symptoms. I’m worried sick and 21 weeks pregnant. He said I’m not normal for worrying so much about his symptoms! Even if it’s an infection of some sort i think it’s selfish to not go and get checked as i don’t want to catch anything that could harm the baby. AIBU?

OP posts:

Haggisfish · 12/01/2020 23:28

No yanbu. He needs to go to Gp to check

Mikeymoo12 · 12/01/2020 23:28

I would say you are not been, he needs to go to doctor but typical man won't go. I don't really know how you make him unless you remind him of his unborn child who needs him fit and healthy

Claireshh · 12/01/2020 23:29

I would 100% get him checked out. Hopefully it will just be a post viral thing.

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 12/01/2020 23:31

He could be on his death bed and would go to work, I’ve begged and begged all weekend for him to take some time off tomorrow as he is clearly sick so we can get him to the doctors and get checked. Obviously me worrying myself sick is better than him having to take a few hours out of work for a potentially horrible illness :(

OP posts:

Runkle · 12/01/2020 23:32

Can you ring 111 for some advice?

raspberryk · 12/01/2020 23:33

I think you're overreacting but from your past experience I can see why you would.

Thestrangestthing · 12/01/2020 23:33

Could be sepsis. Tell him my mil had to have both her legs and one of her arms removed last year because of sepsis. See if he will consider a trip to the doctors or hospital then. Also tell him not to be so selfish. There is early something wrong and he needs to go and see what for the sake of his wife and child.

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 12/01/2020 23:40

Sorry about the typo in the title. My head is fried 🙄

OP posts:

Lampan · 12/01/2020 23:45

Has he been taking ibuprofen? It gives me horrendous night sweats, the type where I need to change my pyjamas! Seems to happen no matter what time of day I have taken it either, even one dose can cause it.
Still would be sensible to see a GP but there may be an innocent explanation.

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 00:04

The only thing he has been taking is the lemsip cold and flu capsules on and off

OP posts:

Mikeymoo12 · 13/01/2020 00:09

It sounds like he needs doctor but at the end of the day he's a grown man and you should concentrate on looking after yourself and baby and trying to stop worrying yourself sick

feelingfree17 · 13/01/2020 00:09

Try not to worry. There seems to be a particularly vicious flu this year. It hits you hard, you then think you are over it, and another version comes back which includes the sweating. Might be a good idea to get him a good tonic (Floradix) but also encourage him to see a Dr just to be sure

Savingshoes · 13/01/2020 00:10

I think he's being incredibly irresponsible at the very least.
His health is his responsibility but if he ignores symptoms/doesnt reach out to health professionals that then has a direct impact on you and your future family.
Worrying is normal and he's just adding to stress levels by his actions or lack of.
If you phone 111 they will ask to speak to the patient and ask him if he consents to an assessment.
Personally I would remind him how important it is that he looks after himself now he's going to be a father and if he's not responsible enough to do that then stay somewhere else/demand he doesn't bother you with his problems if he's just going to do his best impression of an ostrich.

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 00:16

We’ve been together for 11 years and i can count on one hand how many time’s he has seen his GP in this time. He has never called me controlling, because I’m not... but has called me controlling over asking him to see his doctor about this. Unfortunately i think the only way i can ‘make’ him go is to give him the cold shoulder so he knows just how upset and serious i am about his symptoms. I’m currently sleeping on the sofa with a terribly bad back and pregnancy ligament pain because i can’t bear to feel how sweaty he is which makes me lay awake worrying. Like i said he could literally be dying and would play it off. I’m praying he will realise and see his GP this week.

OP posts:

Retroflex · 13/01/2020 00:24

You are not being unreasonable, but please try not to worry. Going from what you described, one of many possible reasons for his symptoms could be post viral fatigue. I've known people who have suffered from this, so I've posted a link for you to have a look at, and see if you think it might be the cause.

www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/brain-nerves-and-spinal-cord/chronic-fatigue-syndrome-cfs

puffylovett · 13/01/2020 00:24

This happened to my partner last year. He had an awful virus, worked through it by using lemsips and ibuprofen etc. In the end after about 5 weeks and having drenching night sweats like you describe, and Chest pain, I forced him to the gp who insisted it was just viral and not to be so silly (didn’t even listen to his chest).
2 days later he was in a&e with severe pneumonia and a collapsed lung, also had pericarditis and in the end they discovered he had had glandular fever.
We are a year later and he is still not back to normal, he’s back and to the doctors still as it sent his diabetes out of control and BP sky high.
Bully him to the GP or call them yourself for a phone appointment if you have to! Bloody men, honestly!!

Ihavehadenoughalready · 13/01/2020 00:29

I would tell him it's not necessarily for himself that he should see a doctor, but to make sure you and the baby don't get sick from whatever he has.

OTOH, he might have developed a complication from the flu, like pneumonia or encephalitis......you are not being unreasonable!

Lilymossflower · 13/01/2020 00:33

He needs to go to the bloody doctor !!!!

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 00:35

After asking him to go for himself, i then moved onto how it’s selfish to not go for me and our baby. If he does have an infection or pneumonia or something i really don’t think it would be good for either of us. I’m really angry at him for turning this into a situation where he’s calling me controlling, he doesn’t understand that his health is just my top priority :(

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 13/01/2020 00:37

It's right you've told him that you and your baby could be harmed as a result of him not going to the doctor. I would call the non-emergency number now and ask for some advice.

karencantobe · 13/01/2020 00:41

I would not go to the GP with these symptoms myself. Just sounds ordinary viral symptoms to me.

Original poster

excitedforbaby9 · 13/01/2020 00:41

Seriously considering staying with a family member until he’s sorted his shit out. I’m not having my baby harmed if he has got some sort of untreated infection. Can’t believe he won’t just go to the damn doctor 😡😡😡

OP posts:

Rachie1973 · 13/01/2020 00:53

I think you’re over reacting about the ‘catching it’ stuff.

Ok, he should see a GP but probably the endless bugs doing the rounds this winter.

Sultanaofping · 13/01/2020 00:53

DH had these symptoms with pleurisy OP, he really needs to go and get checked. Of course it could be nothing but has he thought about how he will feel if it's not and he's made things worse by not going? I hesitate to mention this but I also had a friend who died of pneumonia, she was 40 and thought she had 'a bit of a cough'

notangelinajolie · 13/01/2020 00:57

Sounds like a blood infection. He needs medical attention.

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